Am really tired of my defective body

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I am so tired of my defective body. It's like a defective lemon car that constantly breaks down and spends more time being towed or in a mechanic's shop than it does on the road. I am sick every single day. I itch head to toe everyday like I have a perpetual case of chicken pocks. It's so bad that without tons of antihistamines I feel like I am being stung by a swarm of bees at 3 to 5 second intervals all day long, every single day since late November of last year.

My digestive system had completely ceased to function and I haven't been able to have a solid piece of food in over 2 years now. Every day I have debilitating gut aches and spend hours on the toilet. I am perpetually nauseous everyday, and each meal I have to consume lots of cannabis just to prevent me from vomiting everything back up.

I am also chronically exhausted and cognitively impaired by a rare genetic bone and neurological disease that I've had since I was 3 months of age and that has no treatment or cure.

Every so many months something else goes wrong with this piece of s**t body and another automatic life sentence is tacked on and my quality of life sinks to a new low.

I really f*****g hate my life, am depressed and think of suicide on a daily basis lately.

This might be something simple you have considered. But what is your diet like? Have you ever thought that might improve your health?

I am sure someone would miss you if you killed yourself. And the mind is a powerful organ. Sometimes if you believe you are sick you are. Be positive and BELIEVE you will be healthy. It sounds simple and stupid maybe but you might be surprised.

At the least I bet a doctor could get you some medication. But you probably have tried that. I don't know hope you feel better.

I've been like this.
I won't bore you with a laundry list of my own weird health complaints because it's really too ridiculous - suffice to say I know what it's like to be ill all the time, not able to trust your body, constantly putting out fires. I was doing this today, as a matter of fact, with an ophthalmologist explaining the differences in rejection between organic and synthetic corneas. And did it all with the flu!
All I can suggest is to attack this, consistently, relentlessly, persistently. Don't take "no, there's nothing we can do for you," as any kind of answer, ever.
If I had, I'd be dead without a doubt right now. Do your own research, test and try different methods, and most importantly find a good GP who is willing to work with you to really get to the bottom of what is going on, and how to treat it. With the GI issues for example - is it just autistic standard, or is there something else to pursue? Have you been tested for allergies? Tried exclusion diets, or other gut focused medications, such as those for nausea or reflux?
I'd recommend systematically addressing all your issues in a methodical way. Don't just let them fob you off and you end up suffering. They did that to me until I did my own research, and ordered them to proceed with my wishes, finding a surgeon who would on my own.
You may never get your health perfect if you're someone with a lot of issues, but with the right treatments I believe anyone can improve theirs a lot. Even with genetic abnormalities (as I have those, too).
Improvement is possible.

wish I could take your pain and discomfort away.

a hug to you, Noca.

Have you looked into diet things, could be you're intolerant to some of the food you eat. Like I have not drank milk or ate much dairy for like two years and when I try to have milk or yogurt it makes me feel a little sick in the stomach. I mean I can eat cheese ok but any other dairy product has been giving me digestive issues. Also I get nauseous if I overheat...which easily happens to me as I am heat sensitive. But yeah I mean I have tons of random issues with my body that can be frusterating...like I've passed out from standing still and not having eaten soon enough and stupid random things like that.

I've cried for 3 days straight. I can honestly say I have reached an all time low. My physical health continues it's path of bottomless freefall as it has for years now. My worsening nausea got to the point of not being able to eat anything but juice and gingerale. I am literally wasting away.

I've got to the point where I couldn't swallow my meds without vomiting. I called up my GI doctor and told them this, and asked them how should I proceed and they honestly didnt give a s**t. Not even an offer of any anti emetics, NOTHING, literally absolutely nothing. I went to some afterhours clinic just to get some Zofran at $44 for 5 pills which isnt gonna last long. I will probably need a feeding tube and honestly I'd rather die.

I have strong suspicions that I have a rare autoimmune disease which runs in my family(4 family members so far have it) and spoke at length with my aunt who has this god awful disease and I have been showing all the signs for about a year now.

The doctors have basically pissed away the last 4 years and have very little to show for it. I have begged and pleaded for them to develop a sense of urgency but they just dont give a f**k. I warned my doctors about 8 months ago that my digestive system would continue to deterioate and eventually I would be unable to eat anything without vomitting and being in agony, but instead of getting of their ass they just wasted the time bickering and each one of them saying its another doctors job, in an endless sick game of musical f*****g chairs. I am not sure it would have made a difference in the end but I guess I'll never know.

My body has gone haywire and reacts to everything. I have tried an absurd number of treatments and diets and all I ever do is watch helplessly as my body deteriorates. It is so beyond, beyond f****d.

(((Noca)))

Much love to you, Noca.

Can relate to the dgaf attitude of doctors.

I finally found a psychiatrist who had a heart, wasn't a sociopath and heard my cry for help. She found me a bed(free) in the best of the best state of the art psych hospital in the entire country. Hopefully they can help me figure this s**t out because I am at the absolute end of my rope.

^ That's good I guess, but are you getting any medical help? I was under the impression your problem was physical, not psychological.

I've been away for a while - I know you've struggled with all this stuff for years, and have tried everything imaginable, but I've never seen you this down. Sorry it's gotten so unbearable lately - I hope the inpatient care will be helpful!