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Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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16 Jun 2017, 6:15 am

Feeling really awful about ending things with someone I really care about :(

It was the right thing to do and we met a week ago and parted on good terms.

He took me out for lunch. I just said that we didn't see enough of each other and the lack of communication was an issue. He seemed to think it was only a temporary break up. :(

He did seem sad about it. He gave me a massive hug.

It's just crap I wish things hadn't turned out this way. It's amazing how leaving someone -even though the relationship caused you loads of grief- still gives you loads of grief. I'm really depressed about it all and can't focus on my work.



Corny
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16 Jun 2017, 11:00 am

A week long relationship and already thought that you didn't see him enough. That's not long enough to break up. Just go back with him and ask him if he still wants to continue going out with you.



Anngables
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16 Jun 2017, 4:17 pm

I understand. It's nice that you've been in touch and it was good. I think when people really care for each other there will always be a connection. Is your current situation any better? It sounded like you both needed a bit of space from each other. . . .



Corny
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16 Jun 2017, 5:05 pm

Maybe have a weekend where you go hangout with your girlfriends all weekend and/or he can have big weekend hangout with his buds.



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Jun 2017, 3:40 am

Corny wrote:
A week long relationship and already thought that you didn't see him enough. That's not long enough to break up. Just go back with him and ask him if he still wants to continue going out with you.


It was seven months!



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Jun 2017, 3:43 am

Anngables wrote:
I understand. It's nice that you've been in touch and it was good. I think when people really care for each other there will always be a connection. Is your current situation any better? It sounded like you both needed a bit of space from each other. . . .


Dunno haven't spoken to him in over a week now. Going through the standard break up merry go round of emotions.

I was evicted from my house recently as well, massive stress. Massive stress spilled over into my work (freelancer) and things with clients went tits up as well.

Urgh it's just all too much to bear ATM. I wish I had enough money to go away somewhere and get literal distance on all this.



kingmakerbull
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17 Jun 2017, 3:45 am

I fully understand that feeling.. I hope it improves soon as I do not know what else to say.. I have one question: Who was autistic in the relationship?



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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18 Jun 2017, 6:54 am

kingmakerbull wrote:
I fully understand that feeling.. I hope it improves soon as I do not know what else to say.. I have one question: Who was autistic in the relationship?


Both of us!

I'm not diagnosed but pretty convinced of being AS.



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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18 Jun 2017, 6:55 am

Why do you ask?



kingmakerbull
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19 Jun 2017, 2:18 am

I ask because if one of you is NT, then the chances are they might not have understood what AS is and might have decided to abandon ship because it is too much for them (the current world lacks committed people who can hold a relationship through thick and thin). That is what happened in my case, and I look at the world with tinted glasses...

Hold on tight, dear lady.. Hang in there.. I know it sucks and is very, very hard, but hanging in there is the only sane option..



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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19 Jun 2017, 9:29 am

kingmakerbull wrote:
I ask because if one of you is NT, then the chances are they might not have understood what AS is and might have decided to abandon ship because it is too much for them (the current world lacks committed people who can hold a relationship through thick and thin). That is what happened in my case, and I look at the world with tinted glasses...

Hold on tight, dear lady.. Hang in there.. I know it sucks and is very, very hard, but hanging in there is the only sane option..


Ehh well we had problems, I tried to communicate and was patient with him.... my old thread is here: viewtopic.php?t=344271

....But the commitment and enthusiasm to actually... y'know... spend time together.... has to go both ways.

He is a total workaholic, I hardly got to spend any time with him and he wouldn't make the time for me. He refused to make plans to go away with me after his busy patch of work was over - he told me if work came up he would take the work. In the quiet time of the year for his work he started making plans to go to the other side of the world to work for 3 months instead of being here and using it as a chance to spend time with me.

I would ask to make plans with him and he would not commit to making plans, he would leave things open ended... not a yes not a no.... but then go and see his friends and ignore my attempts to contact him to find out if we could see each other. Then we would fight because I felt neglected.

Its s**t how you can still really care for someone, even though in hindsight they were actually a pretty shitty boyfriend.

Its not that he doesn't care about me its just that his work is his number one, and it hasn't occurred to him that there is a life outside of it.

It *is* hard but to be honest not as depressing as being with him and always feeling a bit shitty about the relationship. The future was.... beige. :/

lol his parting words were "You're leaving me" after I reminded him that I'm going travelling and not going to 'just be around' to hang out anymore. He seemed to think the breakup was just a temporary measure. Ironic after all the times he wasn't there for me that now he feels abandoned. :roll:

Nah mate: I wouldn't be leaving if you hadn't consistently let me down over and over again.



boofle
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21 Jun 2017, 8:37 pm

Copelandia wrote:
kingmakerbull wrote:
I ask because if one of you is NT, then the chances are they might not have understood what AS is and might have decided to abandon ship because it is too much for them (the current world lacks committed people who can hold a relationship through thick and thin). That is what happened in my case, and I look at the world with tinted glasses...

Hold on tight, dear lady.. Hang in there.. I know it sucks and is very, very hard, but hanging in there is the only sane option..


Ehh well we had problems, I tried to communicate and was patient with him.... my old thread is here: viewtopic.php?t=344271

....But the commitment and enthusiasm to actually... y'know... spend time together.... has to go both ways.

He is a total workaholic, I hardly got to spend any time with him and he wouldn't make the time for me. He refused to make plans to go away with me after his busy patch of work was over - he told me if work came up he would take the work. In the quiet time of the year for his work he started making plans to go to the other side of the world to work for 3 months instead of being here and using it as a chance to spend time with me.

I would ask to make plans with him and he would not commit to making plans, he would leave things open ended... not a yes not a no.... but then go and see his friends and ignore my attempts to contact him to find out if we could see each other. Then we would fight because I felt neglected.

Its s**t how you can still really care for someone, even though in hindsight they were actually a pretty shitty boyfriend.

Its not that he doesn't care about me its just that his work is his number one, and it hasn't occurred to him that there is a life outside of it.

It *is* hard but to be honest not as depressing as being with him and always feeling a bit shitty about the relationship. The future was.... beige. :/

lol his parting words were "You're leaving me" after I reminded him that I'm going travelling and not going to 'just be around' to hang out anymore. He seemed to think the breakup was just a temporary measure. Ironic after all the times he wasn't there for me that now he feels abandoned. :roll:

Nah mate: I wouldn't be leaving if you hadn't consistently let me down over and over again.


Breakups are never a picnic but fwiw I feel you did the right thing.
Hang in there.

Self respect is important. Mutual respect is important.

May sound hollow words right now but hopefully you will meet someone decent, and soon.