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XMildpetrichorX
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17 Jun 2017, 10:03 am

How do you feel about your first love? Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends? If you remained friends would you ever tell them how you feel or just keep it all inside as to not ruin the friendship?
Im curious about how aspies deal and feel about first loves?
:heart:



rdos
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17 Jun 2017, 1:34 pm

I only have good feelings about my first love in high school. I've not seen her since we graduated though.



ZachGoodwin
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17 Jun 2017, 4:46 pm

The abstract story of the two meeting each other in school and growing up married and successful is few and rare in my opinion.

The issue with men like myself is that we are very competitive for getting a girlfriend or wife, and that may upset the girl we like so much. I've only had crushes, and I feel kind of threatened when an attractive girl I like turns out to be only interested in guys much older than her, or girls that she can relate to... Wish a girl I like would relate to me and actually be my friend,

BUT girls have dealt with this issue with men too. Don't get me wrong.

First love is not concrete by any stretch, and besides the high school couple getting married at the end of their college may end in a devastating divorce.

Love is very unpredictable.



Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 17 Jun 2017, 5:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

seaweed
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17 Jun 2017, 5:40 pm

my first love is my last love. we met in high school, and were both not really ready for a relationship so it didn't work out. twice. then 4 years ago we finally got it to work. we broke up very recently so i can't speculate much without an overriding emotional input. the love is there, the problem was in the details.



Shrevedude
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17 Jun 2017, 5:51 pm

I really feel disappointed in how I eventually handled my first relationship back in 2008 after two weeks of being together. However, I just feel I didn't want to accept that I wasn't mature enough for a relationship, and I was deluded that a relationship was what I needed to change around my life. Five years ago, I finally was able to accept after I lost my vehicle that I needed to work on myself to get a relationship. I feel I could maybe have handled a relationship from late-2013-2015 when I was making what I could work with myself, but I've had a lot of things go wrong in my life over the past year and a half, with issues such as money, and I'm quite overwhelmed, and I just don't think I'm in much of a position at this time to handle a relationship today.



[email protected]
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17 Jun 2017, 6:58 pm

XMildpetrichorX wrote:
How do you feel about your first love? Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends?


I walked into a room one morning at work, saw my love from behind (in those days, just a straight cascade of jet black hair that fell nearly all the way to the floor) and knew she was the one, before she ever turned around. Call it fate, or pheremones, there was no question in my mind. This was the love I was sent here to find. No one else would ever do.

Of course, it was never as simple as all that. We were both rather quiet and reserved in manner, by nature, though she was never as innately shy as I was. When we came together, the bond was indescribable. We both felt it. Left to grow naturally and mature, it would have been unbreakable, eternal. It already was, really. If we had lived lives beyond this one, we were soulmates there, too.

Of course, that was not to be. There was a wicked witch in our fairy tale romance, determined that come hell or high water, we would never be together. You see, I was only 20 and she only 18, and her mother, convinced that her daughter was too young too marry - and too good to waste her life on an oddball character like me, made a solemn vow that whatever dark forces she had to muster to keep us apart, she would stop at no evil to prevent the flowering of this young love. And muster evil she did.

The wicked witch coerced and cajoled, she badgered and blustered, she threatened, admonished, maligned and misrepresented. For nearly a year she pressured and pushed and perjured. Inexplicably, my princess would come to me in tears, apologize that she could not be with me anymore and disappear, only to return weeks later surreptitiously, to resume our trysts in secret. We made plans to marry, only to be torn apart yet again, with no explanation. Human imagination cannot envision the agony of heartbreak I suffered, not once, but multiple times, unable to fathom the seemingly capricious ardor of my priceless beloved.

Finally, we did marry - eloped, to prevent the forces of evil from having time to intervene, and said our vows in a tiny rural funeral chapel, before the dead twigs of forgotten floral arrangements, amid the smell of formaldehyde and decay. It should have been a clear omen, but we were young and in love and desperate to claim a life of our own, in defiance of the powers bent on stopping us.

For a while I thought we had prevailed, oh foolish and naive Aspergian! Alas, what a halfwit sap I was, to think the bond of matrimony would put an end to the machinations of the wicked one. When I made the strategic error of quitting my miserable job a few months later, with no immediate prospects in mind, she pounced. After a mere six months of seeming security and bliss, I was faced with a life-altering doom I had never before in my life even considered that I might face: divorce.

Today it might seem a minor calamity, but in the world I grew up in, such a monstrous thing did not exist. When I made my vows, I did not imply "get married," I became married. I was united with my love as a single soul and to have that ripped apart, also ripped apart my mind. For months, I knew not who I was, or where. I lived my life in an empty daze. It's not an exaggeration to say I died. For certain, my heart has never recovered.

Over the intervening years, our paths have occasionally continued to cross, and while it was always wonderful to see and touch and experience that overpowering love and attraction again, by then, other ships had sailed. Both have married and divorced multiple times, we each have our own children (and our regrets at not having them together), but the moment has clearly passed. Neither of us are the same wide-eyed paramours we once were, and each has a life that just doesn't seem able to connect neatly with the other anymore. We live a few hundred miles apart, and probably always will. And no matter who I might ever find myself with at any point in the future (if there is a future), no one will ever affect me as she always has. I can smell her hair and the scent of her flesh as we speak.


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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks


Shrevedude
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17 Jun 2017, 7:03 pm

[email protected], I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.



AngelRho
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17 Jun 2017, 11:22 pm

Shrevedude wrote:
[email protected], I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.

Agreed. That bit about getting married in a funeral chapel amid dead flowers and formaldehyde...that was PRICELESS!! ! There's a Tim Burton movie script in that one somewhere! Wow!



rdos
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18 Jun 2017, 5:04 am

I liked a part of it, but not the end. When things like that happen for real, maybe the best decision is to not rush things, and a standard commitment, relationship or marriage might not be the best route to take. After all, that kind of love doesn't need any of that fake security, rather will continue on it's own. Also, it can happen at any time, not just in the teens.

Maybe something like this will do better:
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/08 ... tionships/

Quote:
It seems that there is a blueprint for relationships that we all are expected to follow. We meet, we kiss, we talk, we spend more time together, we say I love you, we meet families, we move in and then of course a diamond ring will eventually follow.


All of these expectations seem pretty bad for NDs in general.



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:15 am

rdos wrote:
I only have good feelings about my first love in high school. I've not seen her since we graduated though.



I'm glad that you have fond memories and good feelings. Have you ever thought about getting in contact with her again? If not, if you dont mind, why not ?



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:20 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
The abstract story of the two meeting each other in school and growing up married and successful is few and rare in my opinion.

The issue with men like myself is that we are very competitive for getting a girlfriend or wife, and that may upset the girl we like so much. I've only had crushes, and I feel kind of threatened when an attractive girl I like turns out to be only interested in guys much older than her, or girls that she can relate to... Wish a girl I like would relate to me and actually be my friend,

BUT girls have dealt with this issue with men too. Don't get me wrong.

First love is not concrete by any stretch, and besides the high school couple getting married at the end of their college may end in a devastating divorce.

Love is very unpredictable.


I agree that love is unpredictable. A lot of hearts have been broken. May I ask how come you have only had crushes? Is this to protect your heart or just the way it happened and sadly you didnt take to them more than just a crush? And I'm certain that you will find a girl who you like who will also like you back :) Thanks for the reply.



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:23 am

seaweed wrote:
my first love is my last love. we met in high school, and were both not really ready for a relationship so it didn't work out. twice. then 4 years ago we finally got it to work. we broke up very recently so i can't speculate much without an overriding emotional input. the love is there, the problem was in the details.



Im sorry that things didnt work out but glad that you didn't just give up in trying again to be sure and always having to wonder what could have been. That takes guts. May I ask what the problem (s) were and was this person NT?



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:29 am

Shrevedude wrote:
I really feel disappointed in how I eventually handled my first relationship back in 2008 after two weeks of being together. However, I just feel I didn't want to accept that I wasn't mature enough for a relationship, and I was deluded that a relationship was what I needed to change around my life. Five years ago, I finally was able to accept after I lost my vehicle that I needed to work on myself to get a relationship. I feel I could maybe have handled a relationship from late-2013-2015 when I was making what I could work with myself, but I've had a lot of things go wrong in my life over the past year and a half, with issues such as money, and I'm quite overwhelmed, and I just don't think I'm in much of a position at this time to handle a relationship today.


Thank you for your honesty. You are more mature than you know for even being able to realize what you may need to work on. Many people dont and never do and just keep repeating the same behavior wondering why nothing ever works so kudos to you for that. Many people will run to anything that shows interest as to not feel alone and they dont really care about what they may be doing or may not be doing for the other person. Many just don't and cant stand to be alone without a female/male special interest and someone paying them attention so again kudos to you for waiting because you dont want to hurt anyone and will wait till you are in a position to make sure that you dont hurt someone if you can help it! :D hope that made sense lol



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:45 am

XMildpetrichorX wrote:
How do you feel about your first love? Do you still miss them and think about them or even still love them or once its over its over and you may or may not just want to be friends?


I walked into a room one morning at work, saw my love from behind (in those days, just a straight cascade of jet black hair that fell nearly all the way to the floor) and knew she was the one, before she ever turned around. Call it fate, or pheremones, there was no question in my mind. This was the love I was sent here to find. No one else would ever do.

Of course, it was never as simple as all that. We were both rather quiet and reserved in manner, by nature, though she was never as innately shy as I was. When we came together, the bond was indescribable. We both felt it. Left to grow naturally and mature, it would have been unbreakable, eternal. It already was, really. If we had lived lives beyond this one, we were soulmates there, too.

Of course, that was not to be. There was a wicked witch in our fairy tale romance, determined that come hell or high water, we would never be together. You see, I was only 20 and she only 18, and her mother, convinced that her daughter was too young too marry - and too good to waste her life on an oddball character like me, made a solemn vow that whatever dark forces she had to muster to keep us apart, she would stop at no evil to prevent the flowering of this young love. And muster evil she did.

The wicked witch coerced and cajoled, she badgered and blustered, she threatened, admonished, maligned and misrepresented. For nearly a year she pressured and pushed and perjured. Inexplicably, my princess would come to me in tears, apologize that she could not be with me anymore and disappear, only to return weeks later surreptitiously, to resume our trysts in secret. We made plans to marry, only to be torn apart yet again, with no explanation. Human imagination cannot envision the agony of heartbreak I suffered, not once, but multiple times, unable to fathom the seemingly capricious ardor of my priceless beloved.

Finally, we did marry - eloped, to prevent the forces of evil from having time to intervene, and said our vows in a tiny rural funeral chapel, before the dead twigs of forgotten floral arrangements, amid the smell of formaldehyde and decay. It should have been a clear omen, but we were young and in love and desperate to claim a life of our own, in defiance of the powers bent on stopping us.

For a while I thought we had prevailed, oh foolish and naive Aspergian! Alas, what a halfwit sap I was, to think the bond of matrimony would put an end to the machinations of the wicked one. When I made the strategic error of quitting my miserable job a few months later, with no immediate prospects in mind, she pounced. After a mere six months of seeming security and bliss, I was faced with a life-altering doom I had never before in my life even considered that I might face: divorce.

Today it might seem a minor calamity, but in the world I grew up in, such a monstrous thing did not exist. When I made my vows, I did not imply "get married," I became married. I was united with my love as a single soul and to have that ripped apart, also ripped apart my mind. For months, I knew not who I was, or where. I lived my life in an empty daze. It's not an exaggeration to say I died. For certain, my heart has never recovered.

Over the intervening years, our paths have occasionally continued to cross, and while it was always wonderful to see and touch and experience that overpowering love and attraction again, by then, other ships had sailed. Both have married and divorced multiple times, we each have our own children (and our regrets at not having them together), but the moment has clearly passed. Neither of us are the same wide-eyed paramours we once were, and each has a life that just doesn't seem able to connect neatly with the other anymore. We live a few hundred miles apart, and probably always will. And no matter who I might ever find myself with at any point in the future (if there is a future), no one will ever affect me as she always has. I can smell her hair and the scent of her flesh as we speak.



First off. Holy s**t on your ability to write so eloquently. I felt like I was immersed in an Anne Rice novel 8O . Secondly I am sorry. I know that means nothing coming from me, an internet stranger, but I am sorry. I have felt what you described...with an aspie no less...but sadly he was the type of aspie who just isnt able to feel as intensely as others might. We still talk but the way I see him treat other women and sometimes mutiple women at the same time I will never allow my heart to be open to him again. Some pain remains mostly because of betrayal. I am much too loyal to handle and deal with someone who is barely so.

Call me a romantic but maybe the reason (s) other relationships haven't worked out for the two of you somehow means to try again? Its worth a shot ? Again I am an advocate for love even if noone really knows what that even is lol



XMildpetrichorX
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18 Jun 2017, 9:50 am

Shrevedude wrote:
[email protected], I really have to applaud you on your imagery and how you tell the story. People have told me I'm a good writer, and I couldn't even come up with those literary expressions you did, since I just don't think that way. I think you would make a great novel writer, and I feel that is something you should consider.



I AGREE!!