Am I really better?

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I mean I used to be so depressed and anxious, I even went to the psych ward to get help...I mean I had mental issues but I was also very underweight so they had to help me gain back a healthy amount of weight. Cause because of PTSD I wasn't eating enough because it does super annoying things to your digestive system and general body systems. So yeah at one point I was just so f*cked up I had to go to the hospital to get help. I felt kind of suicidal and I just could feel my body deterorating so I did need some help. I mean its a terrible position to be in, but I mean If your having severe mental issues it can help at least keep you safe while you deal with it. I mean I am not ashamed I've had to go to a psych ward to get help and they helped me even paid my bill with charity.

But yeah I was rather suicidal and underweight so they gave me the 72 hour hold which was cool with me.....because I was worried I would die if they let me go because I would have done something stupid. I guess i just want to do well with my new job but I still certainly have some difficulties.....and I don't want to outright say I have aspergers because I would hope I get to know some people before I am the weird awkward person that doesn't talk to anyone.

This resonates with me well right now. Luckily the people where I've started to work seem to be relatively tolerant and friendly. But they make fun of me a lot saying unoriginal things. I don't talk at all unless they ask me very specific questions, near my face. They joke around saying things like 'she doesn't even hear you right now', which I definitely hear but CANNOT respond to in any way at all, even my body can't move so that they will understand I'm actually there. I want to tell them about my disorder(s) so that they will get why I act the way I do but I'm very scared to not be given a chance to work there if I do so and also of the prejudice disclosure will bring. I don't know.
I used be underweight, psychotic, delusional and suicidal too. I feel better when I think about those times. But our struggles are endless and who knows when the history will repeat.

It sounds to me like you are a lot"better" (ie that you have recovered from that trauma).

Aspergers is the ongoing condition. PTSD was the emergency condition.
You seemed to have overcome the emergency phase. And now youve graduated to the next phase. The next phase being dealing with normal non emergency grind that everyone is up against.

You seem to be moving in a good direction in your life. Just keep on plugging away.

Yeah I guess I am doing much better...I just still sometimes worry about reoccurring symptoms, because even when PTSD is dealt with you can still be triggered into symptoms sometimes. But so far I have been able to distract myself with other things if something ends up being too triggering. The job does not seem triggering at all though, aside from maybe an occasional exaggerated startle reflex like if there's a sudden loud noise that stands out from the other noises going on.