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AckAck
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18 Jun 2017, 5:30 am

People have often said to me that I have a lower mental age due to me not really having good communication skills. I have trouble knowing what to say in conversations, and it's getting to the point where it's becoming a major concern. As a 21-year-old myself, I want to be hanging out and making friends with people my own age, but others have suggested that I should be hanging out with younger teens who are around the age of 15 since they claim that they are on a lower social level and that it would be easier for me to get along with them. The problem is that they're just kids and I don't want to be hanging out with them! I personally feel uncomfortable being around with younger people. The thing that scares me the most is that nobody my age will want to create a connection with me and that I have to form a bond with teenagers instead. I know a lot of teenagers who are obnoxious, loud, immature, and unaccepting of peoples' differences. I'm not saying all of them but the majority of them are. I have also heard that making friends with younger people is quite common for people on the autistic spectrum. No wonder I have low self-esteem.


Do you think it's still possible to get along with people my own age, or will they just reject me due to them thinking that they're too good for me?



ManaLDN
Tufted Titmouse
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18 Jun 2017, 4:00 pm

I cannot comment on your mental age, as I have no base to. You could try hanging out with people who are just a little younger than you. Two or three years shouldn't feel like a big gap, and six years, I believe, can be a bit uncomfortable for both sides. It is easier to say than to do, maybe the teenagers would expect an age gap, but it is only my suggestion.

Edit: I think that connecting to people your own age could be possible, but regarding that you are probably not thinking of Aspies, maybe there is more than social skills that divides you and those people? Another matter is whether or not you are open about your condition, or however you call it, because the people might have little understanding of that.

To sum up, my advice is for you to try with a lower age gap first and then decide if you prefer it higher or not.



ZachGoodwin
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18 Jun 2017, 4:13 pm

It's alright being like a kid. Don't grow up fast.



banana247
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20 Jun 2017, 10:56 am

I personally find it near impossible to form good connections with my peers. I have always had friends that were much younger or much older. But I don't think that you need to necessarily "seek out" any specific age group. Just work on your social skills, practice being friendly, etc or whatever you are working on socially, and do that with all people. The people who you mesh best with will naturally become apparent to you because you will find those people easier to talk to and you will probably become closer to them without really realizing.

I don't mind being the friend with the kids because kids are fun! They tend to quickly befriend and respect me because i treat them with respect and see "eye to eye" with them. However, I am still older, wiser, "cooler", etc and it can still be an "older sibling" or even "mentor" type of relationship. I think it's just important to keep some boundaries and ensure that they understand that you're not their peer even though you can have a respectful and mutual relationship. Lots of fun NT people like kids too and will gravitate towards them, so it's ok to be like that! It's much more fun to be a kid anyway ;-)

I have several good friends who are much older and i like that a lot too, they are usually far more level and can be a lot less catty (not always, but the good ones are!) They usually have different responsibilities and such like a spouse, kids, etc, so they won't have the same kind of time or energy that you have, but that doesnt mean it can't be a rewarding relationship. Like I said, I really don't think it's necessary to seek out or disregard any specific age when trying to be friendly and form relationships, but I'm just saying to be open minded and don't let age discourage you! You might be surprised and who "gets" you! And don't freak out about what others think... just because you aren't friend with people your own age doesn't make you any less of a person! And it doesn't make your relationships any less valid!



Butterfly88
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28 Jun 2017, 1:50 pm

I agree it would be weird to be friends with younger people. I would recommend trying to find a group for adults with Asperger's or disabilities in general. When I say a group, I don't mean it has to be a support group or anything like that. I'm in a young adult social group for people with Asperger's. The group is run through https://www.meetup.com/.