Having feelings for close friend, idk what to do

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Anna_K
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18 Jun 2017, 1:16 pm

I have this close friend (male) who I have known for awhile. We first met in 7th Grade when he was put in my class 2 months into the school year (his family had just moved to Canada from Ethiopia). He didn't speak a lot of English and had a hard time adjusting. We didn't speak at first but 1 year later, he totally changed. I got to know him the next year and he was a really nice, funny guy. We became even closer when we started high school. We talked a lot more in school and in the classes we shared. In Grade 10 we started hanging out as friends outside of school. Me and my female best friend would join him and his friends for a number of outings and trips to the beach. We tease each other a lot and he gives me hugs. We tend to play around a lot as well, he'll push me gently and I'll push him back. Sometimes he'll lift me up in a playful way as well.

I always thought of him as just a friend until this year, now I'm starting to have feelings. I still have fun hanging out platonically but I find myself also becoming attracted to him as well. I think about him more and more and the other day when a group of us went to the beach (him included), I caught myself checking him out a bit too much :oops:

The real problem is that he displays somewhat flirty behaviour with a lot of his female friends. He is the type of guy who is just friendly and touchy with everyone. He'll hug and tease other girls but I know that he doesn't actually date/hook up with them, its just how he acts, and they know it too. He talks to a lot of guys too, just knows a lot of people in general. But he does only have a few girls that he will hang out with outside of school (me included). I've known him long enough that I know a lot of his crushes and his dating history and most of that went pretty badly for him, so he doesn't date a lot in fear of getting hurt again (kind of like me :lol: ).

I never thought that he liked me as he asked me for advice on other girls and told me who he liked, but I know he is also pretty good at hiding who he likes with the flirty behaviour towards other girls. Even with that, he would tell me or I would ask him outright who it was, and I would always know because he trusts me and I trust him.

My real dilemma is, should I tell him how I feel or should I wait? We have just graduated high school and are both starting at different colleges in the fall. The one time I'll see him before summer is at prom, which is next week. I may see him during the summer, when he isn't in summer school. He asked another girl to be his date to prom, she said yes and he is taking her. I am not sure if he still has feelings for her or not. He told me awhile ago that he did but when I saw him yesterday and asked him about it didn't sound happy about taking her. I don't know if the girl likes him or only thinks of him as a friend. I don't know if I want to make things awkward at prom by making a big confession in front of everyone. I also feel that if they start dating, I will regret not telling him sooner. Any advice?



awkward facepalm
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18 Jun 2017, 2:00 pm

Anna_K wrote:
I have this close friend (male) who I have known for awhile. We first met in 7th Grade when he was put in my class 2 months into the school year (his family had just moved to Canada from Ethiopia). He didn't speak a lot of English and had a hard time adjusting. We didn't speak at first but 1 year later, he totally changed. I got to know him the next year and he was a really nice, funny guy. We became even closer when we started high school. We talked a lot more in school and in the classes we shared. In Grade 10 we started hanging out as friends outside of school. Me and my female best friend would join him and his friends for a number of outings and trips to the beach. We tease each other a lot and he gives me hugs. We tend to play around a lot as well, he'll push me gently and I'll push him back. Sometimes he'll lift me up in a playful way as well.

I always thought of him as just a friend until this year, now I'm starting to have feelings. I still have fun hanging out platonically but I find myself also becoming attracted to him as well. I think about him more and more and the other day when a group of us went to the beach (him included), I caught myself checking him out a bit too much :oops:

The real problem is that he displays somewhat flirty behaviour with a lot of his female friends. He is the type of guy who is just friendly and touchy with everyone. He'll hug and tease other girls but I know that he doesn't actually date/hook up with them, its just how he acts, and they know it too. He talks to a lot of guys too, just knows a lot of people in general. But he does only have a few girls that he will hang out with outside of school (me included). I've known him long enough that I know a lot of his crushes and his dating history and most of that went pretty badly for him, so he doesn't date a lot in fear of getting hurt again (kind of like me :lol: ).

I never thought that he liked me as he asked me for advice on other girls and told me who he liked, but I know he is also pretty good at hiding who he likes with the flirty behaviour towards other girls. Even with that, he would tell me or I would ask him outright who it was, and I would always know because he trusts me and I trust him.

My real dilemma is, should I tell him how I feel or should I wait? We have just graduated high school and are both starting at different colleges in the fall. The one time I'll see him before summer is at prom, which is next week. I may see him during the summer, when he isn't in summer school. He asked another girl to be his date to prom, she said yes and he is taking her. I am not sure if he still has feelings for her or not. He told me awhile ago that he did but when I saw him yesterday and asked him about it didn't sound happy about taking her. I don't know if the girl likes him or only thinks of him as a friend. I don't know if I want to make things awkward at prom by making a big confession in front of everyone. I also feel that if they start dating, I will regret not telling him sooner. Any advice?



ok



AngelRho
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18 Jun 2017, 4:00 pm

Sounds like you have nothing to lose. Meh... Go for it! Tell him how you feel and see where it goes!



PhoenixFalcon
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21 Jun 2017, 3:55 pm

As someone who has been through very similar situations before, I can give you this advice:

First of all, ask yourself if you can stand still being friends with him if he turns you down. If you aren't, then I recommend you don't tell him.

If you are willing to accept that possibility however, I would say go ahead. Just make it clear that you are also fine with just being friends.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Jun 2017, 4:14 pm

He doesn't sound like a "commitment-type" guy to me. He sounds like a normal teenager. He might be the kind of guy who can have "feelings" for more than one girl. Would you be able to tolerate this?

It's too bad he asked this other girl to the prom. I'm sure that doesn't make you feel good.

If you're expecting some sort of commitment from him, I wouldn't pursue it. He'll just hurt you. It's not that he's a bad guy. He's just a young guy, not fully mature yet. If you both do not expect commitment from each other, I might express my feelings for him.



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21 Jun 2017, 5:26 pm

im 28 years old and i have never been in "even" a platonic relationship. xD


OP was a child months ago or something and theyr talking about stuff like that?