I'm So Exhausted!

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I feel like a time bomb. I don't have energy for anything, everyday stuff can be hard. I don't know why my cat meowing is hurting me. I'm more stress, cuz of my upcoming appointments. Life seems hopeless for me. I can not handle it!! When I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm mentally crazy, I want to scream, I can't breathe. I want my life to be over.

I feel like a time bomb. I don't have energy for anything, everyday stuff can be hard. I don't know why my cat meowing is hurting me. I'm more stress, cuz of my upcoming appointments. Life seems hopeless for me. I can not handle it!! When I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm mentally crazy, I want to scream, I can't breathe. I want my life to be over.
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the summer before 8th grade, i stayed at my house, only coming out several times. to go to a restaurant with my precious lil "parents". the summer before that, i volunteered at a K-2 special ed class. and hated it. and then when i was in 7th grade my precious lil "parents" made me take the SAT. in sixth and eighth grades, classmates physically assaulted me. likewise, puberty started and it totally disgusted me. at the time i did not know the word "trans". big deal. plenty of cisgender females do not like the way their bodies look.

anyways, went from 100 to 108 pounds. gorged a lot. did not grow vertically. within 3 weeks, went from womens size zero to womens size six. seriously felt totally disgusted and grossed out. angry, bitter, hateful, sad, helpless. misunderstood, lonely. and at that time, did not have Internet access. totally cut off from the world, with the exception of my precious lil "family".

anyways, 8 pounds might not sound like a lot. but it took a lot of gorging to get there. the shortest menstrual cycle was only 15 days long.

from the time i was 13 on, felt like moving through molasses. brain and body much weaker and slower than before 13. and it was never fast or strong in the first place.

yeah i get exhausted a lot. get exhausted easily. stay exhausted for a long time.

and the other thing too. do not really get the point in doing much of anything. after failing so many different things. wasted all that energy.

when i tried to donate blood, phlebotomist told me i was anemic. a lot of times.

so, putting more emphasis on eating less sugar. used to eat 2 clif bars daily. then 1 clif and 1 luna bar. and nowadays, usually do not eat clif or luna bars. the most is boxed cereal. clif and luna bars had way too much sugar. and then put more emphasis on eating a wide variety of food. and the amount.

keep internet to a minimum. kind of hard. b/c there ain't much else to do. esp when on the toilet.

drink water, but not til fluid intoxication.

positive thinking. or, at least, less thinking.

go outside more often

keep a journal

listen to music

be aware of things you are grateful for



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Spend some quality time with you and your kitty(s) - I find that purring calms me greatly when I am stressed. I also love to nap alongside my cat. Thinking "at least my cat is happy" gives me courage to face busy and stressful times.

get a counselor

get meds

support group

deep breathing

meditation

better sleep habits, better eating habits

stress management

time management

I felt like that a few days ago because I was trying to live up to societies expectations in every way. Then I thought, F it. Today I felt more peaceful.

I felt like that a few days ago because I was trying to live up to societies expectations in every way. Then I thought, F it. Today I felt more peaceful.
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yes.

"societies expectations". who represents "society"? the president of the United States, Trump? "most people"? what "most people" want, do, or expect, is not necessarily the correct thing for you to do.

although of course, when you do not live up to society's expectations, precious lil "people" give a lot of social rejection.

for example, they do not treat you like their friends. sometimes they treat you like a criminal. they wrongfully accuse you of crimes. they ignore you. they yell at you.



they do not feel comfortable around you, b/c you are different from them. and they are so normal. they are in the majority. you are in the minority.