Aspie friend withdrawal

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For me, my anxiety makes it difficult to initiate conversations or meetings with others, so having the other party plan out a meeting is normally all that I can hope for. Another issue that I have is that I don't know if someone already has plans or how busy they are, and I have bad luck with asking about or planning a meeting at the wrong time.



If he isn't ready yet and if you really care for him, all you can do is give it time. It can take a lot for me to work up the courage to open up to people, and all I can do is just go at my own pace. Maybe it's the same case with your friend.

I hear you Aaron. I know that's all probably the case with my friend too. I wish there was something I could do to make him more comfortable. I think he might have anxiety like you describe, and I wish I were able to help him to see that he doesn't have to worry to the extreme. I wish he could see himself the way I see him. If he did, or if he only at least understood how I see him, he wouldn't have to be so guarded. I see his many strengths and talents and I see some vulnerabilities but those are all the constituent parts that make up the amazing multifaceted person that he is. We're all human and we all have what we consider our own weaknesses. Sometimes what we consider weaknesses, though, are hidden strengths or just part of our character and charm, and those things are not always negatives--in fact, they are not really weaknesses at all but just who we are. I admire and respect him so much that if he realized what that means, he might not be so afraid to be open about what he is thinking--whichever way that goes. I know that's easy for someone like me to say. I know it's not nearly that easy from the other side though.

Cberg certainly has a unique way of expressing himself. Perhaps it is time to try a new method of decryption. I personally enjoy Cbergs input.

So I've made my joke. But one day maybe he WILL find this forum and see this post. Maybe he'll see the turmoil over his actions (or lack of actions) that I've experienced that are expressed here, but that does not begin to touch the torment I've gone through. However, it does not appear it would make a difference, as he is already aware of all of it. I've shared my inner-most self in the form of my thoughts and emotions, given him the very essence of who I am. In return? Nothing. He has not even acknowledged the things I've shared, let alone reciprocate or even begin to tell me how he feels about what I've shared or about how he feels. Communications either go unanswered or are returned with short empty comments. I get it!! It's the Asperger's!! I get it!! However, I have acknowledged that he is not typical, but he cannot or will not acknowledge that I am. I have value too. I have needs too. One of the only things he has ever said that he appreciates about me is my willingness to say or admit when I don't know something. This is absolutely true of me, as I feel there's no shame in not knowing everything. But there is also another part of me that absolutely knows when I DO know something and especially when I know I am right about something. Today, that something is that I know there is a connection and something special between us. I know this with every ounce of breath in me. I feel it from my own heart but I also see that it's there in him too--and I see it and know that it's there even if he does not. I am not wrong about this. He is an extraordinary man and I will always think that of him and that will never ever change. I love him and I will always love him and that will never change. In reality the relationship is completely one-sided and desired by me alone. That, too, will probably never change. The relationship I truly want with him, the one I know we could share, only exists in my own mind and heart. That will also never change; I've been holding on to a fantasy. It's not just a missed opportunity. It's a discarded miracle.

I love you, friend. Live long and prosper.

This here girl is not typical everybody.

Go remind her.

So true. And, actually, in the time since writing that, I have been going in the same direction as you have. Thank you for more poignant words of wisdom, though! I admire the way your mind works, if you dont mind me saying so...

...but, your posts are always full of compassion and food for thought, therfore, more like gifts that keep on giving, as opposed to redundancy, in my humble opinion...

I often think if my friend read my posts he would know it's about him . . . . .but meh so be it. I continue to have no idea what he feels for me. 50% of the time I think he really cares and is just crap at showing it .. . . 50% of the time I think he doesn't give a toss.

I read posts on here and remain confused. . . . On one hand peeps say it's normal for aspies to withdraw, to not initiate contact and to change from initial special interest,level of intense interaction to sporadic interaction . .. . . And on the other hand peeps say that if they were into you they would need to retain the level of contact. . .. . . .

For tonight I give up . .

Thank you for those kind words Britte! /end loop