Girlfriend has aspergers?

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I've been dating a girl for three months and am starting suspect she might have aspergers. However, I'm not 100% so would love to get some input from you guys. I have a brother with high functioning autism, and sometimes I notice similarities between my girl and my brother.

She's extremely shy, and says she's struggled to make friends since she was 9-10. She says since then she feels relationships have been fake, and she's always the one at the back of the group. However, around this time she also had a very messy parental divorce and problems at home that could have contributed to her withdrawal. Her parents were at each others throats and she says she felt like she was caught in the middle, often shouted at by each parent for sharing things with the other.

She finds it very difficult to socialize in groups, and hates it when strangers turn up unexpectedly. She often mimics or repeats what other people say. It sounds like she's mocking what you say, but when I tell her it upsets me she says sometimes she can't help it. It seems worse when she's very anxious.

Sometimes it also seems like she is copying or saying things she's previously rehearsed. She also mostly avoids talking at all, preferring to sit back. It seems she was never treated well or allowed to express feelings at home a lot. She also cries a lot, and often she says even she doesn't know the reason.

She dislikes loud places, clubs, alcohol and other things 19 year old girls typically like. We do however go into the city centre a lot to shop, eat and see films and she seem fine when she's with me. She can get anxious talking to other people though, but generally we have a great time together.

She's also an incredible girl. Hugely thoughtful, she is always doing things for me (making playlists, bringing books she thinks I'd like, buying presents). She seems to worry a lot about me, having the right clothes, and booking things because she worries I'll forget.

She's also really tactile and very intimate, she loves kissing and holding although she is very sensitive to hot and cold, and quite ticklish.

In terms of routine, she doesn't seem to care. We often do things on the spur of the moment and eat in different places, and are going on an impromptu trip this weekend. She also has no discernable special interests, although she's very well read and knows a lot about literature.

I never feel like she's speaking at me, and she tries to show interest in what I'm doing. A lot of the time she seems confused by what to do though. However I'm not sure if this is ASD or she's just struggling as this is her first ever relationship and she hasn't had much social experience due to her anxiety and problems.

Ultimately I love this girl to bits, and seeing her cry and tell me she wishes she had friends breaks my heart. I really want to help her boost her self esteem and try and get out into the world as she has a lot to offer. Any advice from you guys would be hugely appreciated.

Can never really tell in these kind of circumstances for a variety of reasons... Maybe have her read up on the female aspergers side of things as it does tend to be a little different from the male traits, again for a variety of reasons. If she feels she fits those areas, maybe then try The online RDOS and RAADS tests. Sometimes used by clinicians.. If those seem to show the traits then maybe look at getting an assessment done through the doctor depending on how it is affecting her life...
What you described could be a variety of things, from generalized social anxiety, Social communication disorder or many more. Or she may not be anything at all other than someone that has had a bit of a rough past and has lost some confidence and become a little withdrawn and maybe just needs a little counselling to get back on track.. Having parents shout constantly at their kids will more than likely shatter confidence and self esteem. Many perceive that as they grow older they will ''get over it'', unfortunately this is rarely the case and can have lasting/permenant effects.

Even try the RDOS yourself if you wish as it has quit a cool visual representation that shows the swing from NT to ASD...

But other than that cant really give to much advice, other than it sounds like you have a lovely lady that cares for you a great deal

Only she could really know. Learning you are AS late in life can be depressing and also liberating. Some people's self-esteem goes down and others go up. Having this info was liberating to me. Maybe you buy her the book below and let her know that you love and support her and don't see this as a bad thing (if she agrees). Make sure she knows she is not flawed. Build her up, point out her strengths. Good luck. Regardless she sounds wonderful.


https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/i-thin ... PLGoP24104

It's not hard to have any girlfriend, but it's hard to find the exceptional one.

You can find threads here on many of the issues you describe. That may help you cope, which should improve her confidence.

She has to have a repetitive behavoir of some sort beside her social difficulties and sensory difficulties to be on the Autism Spectrum. Repetitive behavoirs cover wide range of behaviors from verbal, difficulty with change, to physical. A common physical Autistic repetitive behavoir is known as stimming. It is roughly an exaggerated tic or fidget done to relieve stress and self stimuate. Many out of embarrassment hide or completly repress their stims.

The key here is that whatever her condition or conditions are, they are making her miserable so action needs to be taken to deal with it.

As a 51-year female with Aspergers .. your post really hit home. I wasn't diagnosed until my late 40's - no one I knew, had ever even heard of Aspergers back in the 70's and 80's when I was in school.

But - your vivid description of your girlfriends traits, describes me to a "T", back at 19. I mean, EXACTLY.

I met my now-husband at 18, right out of high school - and had just come out of the "war zone" of the school system, that your girlfriend seems to have just come out of. Lots of failed friendships without knowing what I did wrong to drive them away, lots of crying (which I know, has been clinical depression / low serotonin), prone to hiding in a corner of the hallway between classes with a book, rather than put myself out there, and get frowned at and bullied for my trouble. Very intelligent, in the top GPA of my class. Really wanted friends, but couldn't keep them. I thought my new boyfriend was the answer to my prayers.. He was super cute, "cool', confident, popular, lots of friends, and he liked me! (wow. How did that happen?) I thought he could show me the ropes, and teach me what I was doing wrong with people. I really felt like a needed a guide in this world. My parents had always been a mess. Father was super abusive, mother was super passive. Neither of them ever knew what to do with me, and my "ways", and were too wrapped in their own dramas, to notice that I needed help. They divorced when I was 16. No sadness there for me, though. The damage had already been done.

I could go on, but you get the picture. You two sound just like me, and my then boyfriend, at 19.

I'm not diagnosing her over the internet, of course. But it sure as hell sounds like she does, and is just beginning her long journey with it. She's going to need to learn serious coping skills, to navigate her way through this world that is not built for "us", and she's going to have to create a suit of armor for her feelings, because if she doesn't, they are going to take a massive beating by the time she's 30. People are callous, and clueless, and often say things that they don't realize are hurtful to someone who's living with this condition.

She also sounds like she might be an empath/HSP.

She sounds like a super sweet girl, who is going to need an awesome support system to make it through her life.

Food choices are very important for controlling anxiety. If she is like me, she is going to want to avoid (cows) milk dairy, and gluten/wheat products. These two items, feed my anxiety like crazy, and when I go on a cleanse to get rid of them, I feel better immensely .. however, I also love these two foods like crazy, (so many comfort foods, OFF the table!! ) and am not always smart about staying away from them.

sorry if I'm sounding like dr. know-it-all - but your post, just threw me back 30+ years to 1984, and that sad young girl who didn't know what the hell was going on with herself.

Good luck. Be kind to her. She's going to need a strong, kind, role model in her life. ..

Maybe i missed something, but did you try to ask her?
Imo looks like you got lucky with her