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Joe90
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22 Jun 2017, 7:56 pm

When I'm being paranoid about people noticing my every move like I'm the center of the universe, people tell me that my thoughts are irrational and that nobody notices, or cares, what I'm doing (unless I'm doing something noticeably strange but that's not what I'm talking about).

Today on the bus there was 2 boys (probably late teens/early 20s maybe), who were sitting a few seats in front of me (the seats between me and the boys were empty). I got ready to ring the bell for the next stop but the boys wanted the next stop too and they rang the bell first. I had my finger on the button ready to press so I thought I'd just press it anyway. But at that moment I caught one of the boy's eye and heard him to say to his friend, "she didn't have to press it again" in a sort of way that meant "she's so stupid or weird". Oftentimes I hear the bell ding more than once if more than one passenger is getting off at the next stop, so I didn't think it would be a big deal. Sometimes the driver of the bus assumes only one passenger is getting off just because the bell only rang once, and doesn't bother to look in his mirror to see if anyone else's getting off too, and starts to drive off before you get to the front.

I know this probably sounds so trivial, but as a person with social anxiety, I will be worrying about it for a week. :cry:


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kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2017, 7:59 pm

Those boys probably wouldn't know who you are if you saw them a few hours later.

I understand you have social anxiety---but you should "reality test" yourself. Ask yourself how you would feel if somebody did what you did. You probably wouldn't think it was that significant, I would imagine.

In life, you have to pick you battles. This is a battle which has no winners, and really is a waste of energy, in my opinion.



Shrevedude
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22 Jun 2017, 8:03 pm

Joe90 wrote:
When I'm being paranoid about people noticing my every move like I'm the center of the universe, people tell me that my thoughts are irrational and that nobody notices, or cares, what I'm doing (unless I'm doing something noticeably strange but that's not what I'm talking about).

Today on the bus there was 2 boys (probably late teens/early 20s maybe), who were sitting a few seats in front of me (the seats between me and the boys were empty). I got ready to ring the bell for the next stop but the boys wanted the next stop too and they rang the bell first. I had my finger on the button ready to press so I thought I'd just press it anyway. But at that moment I caught one of the boy's eye and heard him to say to his friend, "she didn't have to press it again" in a sort of way that meant "she's so stupid or weird". Oftentimes I hear the bell ding more than once if more than one passenger is getting off at the next stop, so I didn't think it would be a big deal. Sometimes the driver of the bus assumes only one passenger is getting off just because the bell only rang once, and doesn't bother to look in his mirror to see if anyone else's getting off too, and starts to drive off before you get to the front.

I know this probably sounds so trivial, but as a person with social anxiety, I will be worrying about it for a week. :cry:


While I don't ride buses very often, or ever with the kind you are referring to, so I can't relate there, I can tell you that whenever I'm in public, especially in a situation where I have to wait for food at a restaurant around a lot of people, I do get really nervous myself, like if I am looking around aimlessly, and I make eye contact for a moment with someone a few times without meaning to, especially if it happens to be a woman. So I think a lot of Aspies have our own anxiety in many situations in public.



Joe90
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23 Jun 2017, 4:40 am

I think it was their reaction that got to me. People are entitled to have their opinions but I wish they wouldn't say it in earshot. I don't like strangers speaking things out about me.


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fselzr
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25 Jun 2017, 6:02 pm

People do often talk about me, but I just don't mind it, because it can be just a provocation of undervalued people with complexes. If you ignore the people, then they will become bored of talking about you and probably they will do something much smarter and ambitious. If you react to them, then they will know about that did something to you and probably will keep doing it.



jrjones9933
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25 Jun 2017, 6:52 pm

Their comment tells you nothing about you.

Their comment tells you something about them.


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Aristophanes
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25 Jun 2017, 8:14 pm

There's better things to worry about than being the lady that rings the bell too much. Personally, I would have rang it a few more times and shot them a dirty look.



Joe90
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26 Jun 2017, 1:48 pm

fselzr wrote:
People do often talk about me, but I just don't mind it, because it can be just a provocation of undervalued people with complexes. If you ignore the people, then they will become bored of talking about you and probably they will do something much smarter and ambitious. If you react to them, then they will know about that did something to you and probably will keep doing it.


I just pretended I didn't hear them. But I feel you've got to be so careful what you do near teenagers because they just tactlessly comment silly things about you.


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the_phoenix
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01 Jul 2017, 10:02 am

Yes, there are some rude people who notice what other people do.
Now if I'd been in your position,
and the teenagers had rung the bell first,
I would have not cared what people thought and
maybe rang the bell just because I wanted to ... just for fun, or because I like the sound of it,
or yes, to let the driver know there's more than one person wanting to get off ...
...
and if the teens had laughed at or whispered at me,
I would have looked directly at them
with a great big fat mischievous grin,
and rang the bell a few more times
for good measure! :D 8) :P

What, they don't like it?
Too bad for them.

(Of course, I would be careful
if the teens looked dangerous.
In which case, I would simply
quietly keep to myself
and certainly not bother thinking about them
for even a moment.)



smudge
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01 Jul 2017, 10:21 am

If you act indifferently, people don't notice you nearly as much.


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naturalplastic
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01 Jul 2017, 1:00 pm

Well they noticed that ONE THING. That still doesn't mean everyone "notices everything that you do".



jrjones9933
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01 Jul 2017, 1:42 pm

And they promptly forgot about it.

I mean, it's not like they hung around afterwards smoking out and reminiscing about your bell pushing.


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Joe90
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03 Jul 2017, 4:49 am

Don't forget, I have social anxiety, so these things bother me for a few days. Sometimes sharing these little situations on an autism site helps me. As a week or so passes, I do start to think "pfft, why was I worrying about that for?" But in the moment it happens, I get really anxious about it.


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03 Jul 2017, 6:11 am

I might be wrong. But sometimes it helps if I imagine the world as being my laboratory. I think in that case it doesn't matter what impression I give off to people I won't see them again, every social situation is just a game, a test in which you learn get better and will not lose. So who cares if you screw up, everyone does that, it does not make you less.