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bunnyb
Veteran
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Joined: 3 Mar 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 589
Location: Australia

28 Jun 2017, 7:55 am

This thread really seems all about 'you'. How hard it is 'for you', how draining it is 'for you', how 'you' have to be their Alfred and 'you' want advice so I'm going to give 'you' some. Get 'yourself' some proper psychological help for the sake of your wife and child.


_________________
I have a piece of paper that says ASD Level 2 so it must be true.


pddtwinmom
Toucan
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Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 292

29 Jun 2017, 1:00 pm

OP, I get it. I really do. BUT - ASDMommy is right. You have to find a way to like your son. You just have to. If that means letting go of some of the mundane things that you find so irritating, then let them go. Another option is to do more of the things with your son that HE likes to do, and less of the things that you think that he should be doing. As a parent, we all have to make or coerce our kids into doing some things because the skills are just absolutely necessary to have as an adult. As the parent to an ASD child, you have to use an extra critical lens about the battles you choose to fight. And you also have to consider the possibility of delaying some lessons until your child is ready. So, bring down your battles, and bring up your quality/fun time, even if it's only fun for him. Because when he's having fun, you'll see all of his wonderful traits more often and that will give you a better chance of liking him.

And as a parent, it's your JOB to like your child, if he's not a sociopath. You have to make sure that you are actually looking closely, and valuing him and his right to be. He's not a random person on the street. You have to really, really look at him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Round up on your assessments, assume that his intentions are good. You are the foundation of his self-esteem. There is no such thing as an "objective" parent. You either dislike your child because of values and biases you hold, or like him for the same reasons. So check your own biases and you may have to discard some.

Finally, you have to take care of you. No one is going to give you a medal for acting like a martyr. So just stop being one. Take a bike ride, go get a beer with your friends, do some of the things that give you personal fulfillment. It doesn't mean that you don't have a ton of obligations, but those don't need to be met every single moment of the day. If you come home at 10p and the boy is still up, so what? Bad day tomorrow, but the next day will be fine. Let it go and stop trying to force your life into the model of what you thought it would be. THIS, RIGHT NOW, is your life. Right now. You're living it. So take care of yourself, get some perspective, let some crap go, and get on with it.



Fuzzypup
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 24 Jun 2017
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
Location: Queens NY

07 Oct 2017, 5:42 pm

I wanted to share this with everyone because I like helping and I understand how chemistry affects the brain.

We discovered what was causing all the problems with our son. It was the ADD medication.

He was a disruptive child and it kept getting worse as he got older. We were in a place where the school system wasn't very good IMO and they had 32 kids per class in an elementary school classroom. By the 3rd grade he was so disrupted it was recommended to put him on ADD medication. It worked but of course it had other issues. We later tried another medication that was a non-stimulant. Different symptoms. Then we had to have anxiety medication to country the ADD medication with different symptoms. No improvement.

Finally one day I literally said f**k it. And I spent a month taking him off all meds. We moved during the summer to a far better good school district.

He started the new year in a class of 22, no meds. Huge transition. It was like a new child. He was becoming aware of his own disability and realized now what he had to do so he adjusted to his ADD.

No more stress. The drugs had weird effects on him and the 32 kids drive him insane.