I think my boyfriend may have aspergers.

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Up1997
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26 Jun 2017, 12:19 pm

Hi, I don't really know where to start but after being in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now I feel like there may be a few things about his personality that hint towards aspergers; but I don't want to mention it to him because I know he would be offended. I just really want to know what I can do to best support him.
I think a lot of it comes from his dad, and whether there's genetics involved or if it's just behaviours that he's picked up from home I'm not sure, but his dad is very controlling in several aspects. Simple things like never spending money on things that aren't necessary even though they're a rich family; always having dinner at the same time every night, and always having the same few meals in the same order.
A few things that made me really question this though are that he always has to know everything that's going on. We can't even take a trip to the beach without him knowing what time we have to leave, how far it is to drive, what kind of roads the trip is, where we will be having lunch and at what time, etc...
He is doing incredibly well for himself and is a level 4 accountant at 22 years old but still feels like he isn't doing well enough and that he needs to move on because he hasn't had a promotion in 6 months and there's no immediate promotion lined up.
I'm doing my best to be patient and supportive for him but it feels like a kick in the gut sometimes when he says he isn't good enough in his job, when I've been on minimum wage my whole life. I know he doesn't mean it to be hurtful, and I'm really just trying to find out if these could be signs of an underlying disorder that we can get support with.
Sorry for rambling, my thoughts are a bit of a jumbled mess with the whole thing. It feels good to get it out though, hopefully someone has some answers!



kraftiekortie
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26 Jun 2017, 1:25 pm

None of the above necessarily indicates Asperger's---though it's not out of the question.

He could just be a very driven, ambitious person who is somewhat obsessive-compulsive.

Autism Spectrum Disorders are not hereditary, in the sense that something like Sickle Cell Anemia is hereditary. There is a genetic component. However, people who have no history of ASD's in their family (like myself) can pick up an ASD.

I find it to be very much in the air, indeed. I might mention the names Tony Attwood, and Temple Grandin, and see if he "bites."



Up1997
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26 Jun 2017, 1:30 pm

Hi, that's really helpful to know, thank you!
It's just a little difficult to try to understand him at times; for example right now I was trying to tell him about how stressed I am about the political state of the country, and he babbled over me about his pc game that he's playing. However he will complain later that everything "always has to be about me" and how he never gets to talk about what's important to him. I don't know if he's just a bit unsure about social interactions, or if maybe I'm just looking for something other than him to blame...



kraftiekortie
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26 Jun 2017, 1:35 pm

Read up on "Broad Autism Phenotype." That might help you, possibly, understand him better.

Based on his apparent obsession with his PC game, the pendulum swings towards Aspergers. Many Aspergians are into politics, though.

Many young guys are inconsiderate, and want things their own way. Not an Asperger's trait.

But this obsession with the PC game....now that sends me some signals.

How is he about being touched, and about intimacy in general? Does he get overwhelmed when more than one person is talking to him at a time? Does he have to "recharge" after a social occasion?



will@rd
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26 Jun 2017, 1:51 pm

Up1997 wrote:
I don't want to mention it to him because I know he would be offended.


Maybe. Though many of us have been relieved to suddenly find an explanation for why we've felt so alienated by the rest of the human population all our lives - and it isn't even necessary for a person to be bullied or discriminated against in order to feel alienated. You only have to realize that you're noticeably different than the average and that the common behaviors of normal people make absolutely no sense to you.

If the diagnostic criteria are a genuine fit for him, he may find the idea fascinating.


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