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alpacka
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27 Jun 2017, 11:48 am

Is it just me or is it typical for autistic people to have trouble with feeling what is appropriate and what´s not in automatic kind of a way?

For example I have text my shrink and GP once for a couple of years ago on their private numbers, not stupid love-texts off course, just about upcoming appointments in a dry, boring way because the hospital-system was so bad it didn´t work out. I do know it can be seen as "wrong" and not acceptable to find out about peoples personal numbers and contact them. But I don´t feel it when I do it because I don´t see it like a weird thing to do. Im just asking
like it was face to face or a appointment in general. No threaths, no flirting, nothing personal at all.

To me it´s too unclear about all this hidden rules out there and people who just ignores me back isn´t helping.
I´m not only talking about shrinks and GPs, Im talking about hidden rules in friendships, workplaces and more as well that I don´t feel in a automatic kind of a way. I don´t feel if a friend is avoiding me or just are shy as a person, I have no idea, only if the person actually tell me. But who is that honest, not many are.

Anyone else with this experience? :roll: I don´t find it easy.


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slw1990
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27 Jun 2017, 11:53 pm

Yes, I think it's pretty common for autistics to not know about unspoken social rules. I feel like it's a problem for me too. I usually try to pay attention to others responses and see if anyone else is doing the same thing.



Summer_Twilight
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28 Jun 2017, 8:35 am

1. Yes, I have struggled to find the difference between someone who is busy versus someone who is not interested.

2. I don't understand how an ex-partner can refuse a gift that their former significant other got them for a birthday or a holiday which happens right before a breakup. Yet, that gift is accepted afterward. Apparently, it's supposedly a sign that the ex-partner doesn't want to think the other person is being led around.

3.I don't get why a friend invites you to their home for a gathering and acts like nothing is wrong and then dumps you during your next time together.

4. Just because you work in the same environment where everyone attends everyone else's gatherings and gets them gifts but seem to shun your invitations and get you gifts.



SpreadsheetMaster
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28 Jun 2017, 9:56 am

I've made a number of blunders with this writers group I've been a part of for almost two years:

-Upon being told someone had to have dietary restrictions for an upcoming medical procedure, I asked what it was.

-Similarly, when someone mentioned she was sick I made comments about sickness that she interpreted as grilling her for details she didn't want to give.

-I've given information about myself neutrally that was interpreted as bragging (I don't brag, ever).

-I made a joke at my own expense that was interpreted as a brag and put-down of everyone else.

-I recently found out I've come off as needy/pushy to the person I've talked to the most.

I'm not as bad as some people, but I have issues with social actions that could be interpreted as appropriate in one situation but not another.



racheypie666
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28 Jun 2017, 10:00 am

SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
-Similarly, when someone mentioned she was sick I made comments about sickness that she interpreted as grilling her for details she didn't want to give.


I do the opposite and it's still a social mistake.
I don't ask anyone follow-up questions on health matters; I think, if they want to share, then they will. Apparently this comes across as uncaring, however. You can't win :lol:



Summer_Twilight
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28 Jun 2017, 11:08 am

Rules and boundaries that I ran into

1. Where and when to network with people about employment. Example, I went to a dinner of a funeral that I was not even part of at a church that I belonged to and handed out fliers about pet sitting.

2. I attended another church one year later after moving to another state. I happened to attend a small group where we shared dinner, bible-studies, and even prayer requests. I went around sharing requests for one of the people at the group which gave me the impression that I was not trust-worthy.

3. I sat in the chair of someone who got up to get something to drink at dinner party as I assumed that they permanently got up to mingle.

4. I recently learned that one can join a group of people by quietly walking up and letting them finish their conversation and notice you with open body language.

5. Telling every detail in a conversation gives others the idea that you are rude, self-centered, inconsiderate.

6. Covergirl recently put out a video about women putting on makeup in public. It turns out that society frowns upon that as well. Apparently, it tells others that you must be vain. I see women doing their makeup all the time and don't have a problem. :D



SpreadsheetMaster
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29 Jun 2017, 1:27 pm

Others I forgot:

-Giving suggestions on people's romantic relationships based off of what I know about psychology.

-Mentioning the name of someone who made a similar mistake to me when someone said "I remember someone else doing that" and I said who it was in response. I had no idea she was excluding the name on purpose.

I've also "corrected" my sister a few times like saying she already knew someone was having a baby when someone else told her and she acted like it was the first time she heard it and saying I thought she hated her job when she mentioned how much she liked it to someone else.