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NTBard
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27 Jun 2017, 6:56 pm

New to this site, but I have done alot of research, I am NT and I've been dating an AS woman for awhile. Everything was great. I am 35 and she is 25 and that's really the only problem. Her mother (she still lives at home) says she doesn't want her dating an older man like me. Now, I've never met mom and I understand her reservations. But we both really like each other and I'm wondering what I should do? Stay?, forget it? Just be friends? or other?



alex
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27 Jun 2017, 7:36 pm

She's a 25 year old adult. Why would her mom be making decisions of who she can date? 10 years is not really that big of an age difference.


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27 Jun 2017, 7:52 pm

NTBard wrote:
New to this site, but I have done alot of research, I am NT and I've been dating an AS woman for awhile. Everything was great. I am 35 and she is 25 and that's really the only problem. Her mother (she still lives at home) says she doesn't want her dating an older man like me. Now, I've never met mom and I understand her reservations. But we both really like each other and I'm wondering what I should do? Stay?, forget it? Just be friends? or other?


Perhaps it's time you meet the mother and speak with her so she has a better understanding of who you are and your intentions.



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27 Jun 2017, 8:02 pm

NTBard wrote:
New to this site, but I have done alot of research, I am NT and I've been dating an AS woman for awhile. Everything was great. I am 35 and she is 25 and that's really the only problem. Her mother (she still lives at home) says she doesn't want her dating an older man like me. Now, I've never met mom and I understand her reservations. But we both really like each other and I'm wondering what I should do? Stay?, forget it? Just be friends? or other?



i confess i'm feeling a little puzzled. a mother that you have yet to meet disapproves. going by the "we really like each other" bit, your GF obviously doesn't have an issue with the age gap.
i too can understand the mother's reservations, but, she's just doing her job like any parent would, and does.

so then, why is this even a question/problem? does the age gap bother you and so her mother's disapproval has struck a nerve? otherwise, i'm genuinely not seeing it.

how can a bunch of strangers advise on what you should do? you both really like each other *shrug* can't see the problem.
why not focus on how you feel for each other as opposed to what people think? suspect if you both go the serious route, her mother would come around anyways. in time.



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27 Jun 2017, 8:07 pm

Unless we are talking about a severely mentally impaired 25yo, this is a person who is a grown adult and can make their own decisions about who they like and love. This is something her mother will have to come to terms with, and you should both find a way to reconcile any differences rather than avoid it.

Extend an olive branch; invite them both out on a couple of day trips where all 3 of you will have to interact together.


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27 Jun 2017, 9:07 pm

Yep...I second and third it.

Meet the mother. You don't have to state your "intentions." Just have a conversation with her about something other than politics, religion, and sex. If you look her straight in the eye, she'll like you better than if you avoid her.

35 is not that much older than 25. 25 is very much older than 15, though.



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27 Jun 2017, 9:54 pm

You need to be aware of your state laws and how mentally impaired the girl is... Some states, she may not be considered a consenting adult. If so, you will need her parents consent to date.

Mentally impaired may not be the correct word... But if her parents are still considered legal guardians is what you need to know. If she is on SS(D)I, been in and out mental hospitals, and/or parents are legally controlling her finances. It could be a grey area and legally put you in trouble.



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27 Jun 2017, 11:09 pm

Having three children just passing thru the 25 age range and not yet to the 35 age range I strongly disagree that these ages are close enough to not be noticeable.
I also work with multiple 25 and a bit older and a bit younger women. They have recently been talking about just such a situation and unanimously agreed that, at 25, ten years is too much of a difference.
25 is still usually unsettled and 35 is much more mature. If you are 35 and still playing, then that mama may be warranted in her concern about your maturity level and consideration of her daughter's welfare.
The fact that you haven't taken the problem straight to the mama and gotten to know her to allay her concern is unsettling at best.
This is referring to NT's. The concern would increase if this young person had any significant issues.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but this is how this mama would think.



NTBard
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27 Jun 2017, 11:18 pm

All great advice.
The woman is not mentally impaired, she is holding a job, and is functional as well as many NT (and better than some I know lol). She just lives with her mom and therefore her mom has some degree of control over her b/c of that. She has sopke about moving out but finances are not there; and we are not there yet in our relationship iether. I'm a patient guy, and I understand these things could take time. I am willing to wait and in the mean time she's like my unicorn, if that makes any sense.
As far as taking the problem to that mom is simply we are still in the beginning stages of the relationship, and I'm not trying to upset anyone. Could make things worse. I'll probably do that at some point SOON. Just trying to get some info from more experienced people dealing with Aspies, if this is normal.
Yea, I get it... normal is not the PC term cause all aspies are different but I hope you understand what I mean.

I will not follow this thread any longer, so there's no need to reply, unless someone else can benefit from it.
Thank you all for your help.



kraftiekortie
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27 Jun 2017, 11:52 pm

I don't honestly see anything wrong with a 25 year old cognitively intact woman seeing a man of 35.

My father was 55 when he married a 30-year-old woman 30 years ago. They are still together.



maxanthony1976
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28 Jun 2017, 3:35 am

Im 41



JaredGTALover
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28 Jun 2017, 3:28 pm

i don't mind dating a female NT that is older than me,especially if she 's chubby



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29 Jun 2017, 12:02 am

Concerning the age difference...

I don't feel much different at 37 than I was at 27, however I can't say the same for how I felt at 20 vs. how I felt at 30. The brain is still developing when a person is in their early 20's and has essentially reached it's adult form by the time the person is 27.

However people on the spectrum develop so unevenly that it's difficult to gauge developmental level based on chronological age.