Once more being told to not think about the girlfriend issue

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Partly it was because I had to do mandatory math classes but I struggle with math (I think I have dyscalculia) so the stress carried over into the other classes. My energy level is also crummy and it makes it hard for me to absorb information into my head. I feel like a black cloud follows me wherever I go.

This is some of the best advice I have ever seen in the L&D section. It would have save me many years of frustration if I was able to grasp this at a younger age. Focus on something you are passionate about and the rest will start to fall into place.

Yes I agree with this too. It gives you something that makes you happy and that changes how you are, how you interact with other people, creates positivity that you will share with the people around you in your demeanour and in the way you speak to them.

That's a shame. I can tell you what I've been up to in my life. Goodness knows I've not been successful with relationships, but I have been working on doing things that interest me.

I went back to college when I was 25 and started to study something totally different to anything I'd done before. I did it because it interested me. I had worked in jobs I'd hated for so long that I needed to do something that I found interesting. I was in a lucky place because I'd just had a tax rebate and had a few thousand pounds to fall back on (yes really, my ex-employer had me on emergency tax for 3 and a half years). So I decided, right I'm going to do what I want.

Anyway, that course didn't really get me a more interesting job. I ended up in admin again. But sort of bounced from job to job and ended up as a programmer (which I hate and I'm now going back into admin). Anyway, what I'm saying is you don't neccessarily have to have goals written out exactly, but you can do things that interest you and just see where it takes you.

I've also moved around the UK just finding a job in a new area and moving, meeting new people and exploring a new place. It's given me something to do.

Still no love life, but I've got a lot of experiences to look back on and draw from and who knows where I'll end up next. Just got a new job, maybe I'll move into the city, I've never actually lived in a city before.

I think the gypsy life is for me.

But that's just me and how I cope and what I do. You need to find your own passion.

Trial and error is all I can suggest.

Something a lot of Aspies need to work on before getting into a relationship is black/white thinking. Thinking in terms of absolutes is certainly an issue in school and work. It is even worse with relationships if you can't accept alternate opinions.

Yep...that was excellent advice on the part of Veritas.

Women hate it when guys seem to be only interested in.....women! That happened to me. I was a horny mess at 21. And the girls knew it, and they treated me like some creepy pervert, saying "eww!" in my presence, and swatting me like I'm a gnat while telling me to "go away!"

They like a man to be interested in something beyond the realm of sex.

If you can show, like Veritas said, that you're proficient at something (especially if that "something" fascinates the woman), then, with a combination of confidence and charm, excellent hygiene, and decent clothes, you can woo many woman successfully.

Show that you "have a life," so to speak.

As a woman I would like to say that we like it when a man is interested in us personally. We don't want to be just "a woman" we want to be noticed and liked for who we are.

When a chap is being fake and playing a part and trying to tick boxes it's kind of obvious. It's like he thinks if I do x, y and z she'll like me. But we feel like it's just going through the motions and it feel hollow. And I'll admit that I've tried to make it work out with circumstances like that where we have just been going through the motions, but didn't really have a real friendship or interest in each other. And we soon parted. I've had all these false starts where we haven't really liked each other that much and it's gone no where, even when we both saw good things in each other, we didn't have any real connection or warmth.

You can't fake real warmth and real interest and when it is faked it can't be responded to because it isn't really enjoyable.

I would completely agree with this. If my wife were asked one thing she would like to change about me, I bet the #1 answer she would say is that he would want me to stop 'jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst of a situation.' This is something I still struggle with quite a bit even with being successful in the relationship department.

You have to remember I am from the Bible Belt and dating is considered a tournament for most of the guys here. You need to have iron pumped muscles, a souped up vehicle, expensive clothes, have played/still play a lot of sports, call yourself a Christian even if you don't truly behave Christ-like, and say all the "right" words like "I make $100,000 dollars a month!" or "I kick ass!" to be considered a worthy partner. If you miss one of these, you are disqualified. This is in line with the box ticking and doing x, y, and z you mentioned. I don't like it at all but the way things are set up here make it feel like it's the only way.

I definitely don't want a girlfriend for the sake of it. I want someone who I share common interests with. I'd like to share moments like going to see a band live we both like and traveling to a place we both want to go to together. It would also be fun to draw or make music together. Something like watching a movie only I like but she doesn't doesn't sound fair.

If you involve yourself in doing those things that you love now you will be more attractive to the kind of person who also enjoys those things. Plus you'll have a bit of happiness because you'll be doing things you enjoy.

Forget what other people are doing. Be someone you want to be with and you'll draw someone you want to be with.

It will not happen overnight. But you'll pass the time in a good way.

well jsut be thankful you have the urges to still want to try. I think i have raised with so much inborn self defeating bias, the thought of trying to make the first approach with some one is more painful than being lonely. Of course I am some one who requires constant distraction not to go mad. maybe find something to gets yourself obsessed over that long-term can get your somewhere?

I wish someone had put it to me like this growing up. The way the boneheaded dude bros told me made it seem like it was supposed to happen like getting the right answers to a trivia game or a school test. This goes back to how dating seemed like a tournament.

I find it ironic how the ones engaging in the tournament are usually the ones who say "Evuhlooshun's not reul!" when they are in fact acting very Darwinistic.

Have you tried Tinder? I just downloaded it couple days ago and already got a date lined up... And I don't consider myself the most attractive person out there.

I don't use anything like that anymore. My experiences with dating sites as well as apps have been exasperating and frustrating. I refuse to use them ever again.