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Summer_Twilight
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02 Jul 2017, 2:43 pm

I have always had a really hard time when a close friend gets into a relationship and suddenly spends less time with my other friends. This happens whether it's a male or female. In fact, I end up losing it getting mad and jealous of the new relationship along with my routine interrupted. The question is, what do I need to do so that I don't get so upset?



TheSpectrum
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02 Jul 2017, 7:00 pm

Incorporate something else into your routine to occupy time that otherwise would have been spent socialising with that individual.


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Summer_Twilight
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03 Jul 2017, 8:05 am

Thank you. I currently have a friend who has moved to a different part of my city and his priority is to meet someone and married get married and raise a daughter. So when he is in a relationship he seems to only have time for his dates and family things. The last several months my friends and I have been inviting him to things. However, he either has a date or had family coming into town each time.

I had spoken with a friend of mine today and she says that I am not jealous but rather I have felt left out and would like to spend time with him.



TheSpectrum
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05 Jul 2017, 7:42 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Thank you. I currently have a friend who has moved to a different part of my city and his priority is to meet someone and married get married and raise a daughter. So when he is in a relationship he seems to only have time for his dates and family things. The last several months my friends and I have been inviting him to things. However, he either has a date or had family coming into town each time.

I had spoken with a friend of mine today and she says that I am not jealous but rather I have felt left out and would like to spend time with him.

Seriously I had a friend very much like this. They've chosen not to make you a part of their routine. You're just helping them kill time until someone they want to date comes along. Don't let them. Find something to do and give that priority.

I hope this isn't too personal but did he ever try to get close to you in "that way", and if so did you reject him?


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Jul 2017, 9:38 am

Oh yes, there were many times where he had hinted at using me for sex but I said no. In fact, he asked me some pretty dirty things that I was not comfortable with relating to foreplay.

As for taking it personally, he's been too busy for another friend of mine and didn't seem to make time to celebrate his 30th Birthday celebration because his sister coming into town was way more important. This other friend goes to school in the area that my friend, who's currently dating lives as well. My other friend said that he hasn't seen him since February.

Anyway, I texted my friend about getting together for the Fourth of July and he suggested us going up to his apartment. However, the area is not very public transit accessible. All of the plans to carpool fell through along him not really communicating with us until Monday afternoon when he sent a text about all of us coming at 2:00 PM. When those plans fell through, I texted him and canceled all plans to go up there. He texted the group back and said, "That's okay, I have a date anyway."

Truth be told, I was very sad on Monday because it seems like he probably said that because it felt good at the time but then changed his mind and made plans with his girlfriend.



TheSpectrum
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06 Jul 2017, 6:20 pm

Ok well that explains a bunch.
Yeah, definitely find something to do in your week to make up the time.
It'll be far more stimulating and rewarding :)


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Jul 2017, 8:17 am

I have decided to give him room at this time and go on with my own life because it's pretty amazing. They have been together for a few months and I think it's best for him to get settled in with her. He spent many years alone and was rejected many times so I think to give him room is the best option. If anything, the ball is in his court and he knows my numbers.

On the contrary, it might be awkward now anyway given that he has a girlfriend because she might get the idea that he could be cheating on me or that I could be trouble being that I am a female also and I might be seen as competition to her. It might also be bad as he had wanted to use me because he was lonely.

The only thing that I am not happy about is that he made plans with us about getting together broke his promise by going behind our backs and making plans to go on a date for the 4th. What's worse is that he strung us along rather than tell us that though he would love to see us, he had made other plans with his girlfriend.



CharityGoodyGrace
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15 Jul 2017, 8:00 pm

Support your friend in his own decisions and he will love you and want to spend more time with you.

And yes, incorporate something you really love into your routine where you'd be spending time with that friend. Something or someone. Then you can have a relationship or friendship too and your friend who is spending less time with you now might either congratulate you or be a bit jealous of YOU.