Dropping the A-bomb: Experiences?

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A little mantra of mine:

"You can borrow some of my autism if you need."

you know what also saves me regarding relationships if i ever have an A-Bomb ? Stimming on a Giant-Stuffed Bear (i haven't tried it yet,but i will,based on the sexy thoughts of it that make me easily horny-feely (Rock-Hard) until i ejaculate) because for me,it's much better for me than being physically intimate than with a woman,or girl (Chubby) who may not love me for who i am regardless of my AS involving the traits that she'd definitely be frustrated with

Thanks for the insightful and well thought out responses. I would appreciate if we could stay a little more on topic, though.


And I realise that response was short, and I may reconsider the wording later, but not the sentiment.

I was new to the realization that I was likely on the spectrum when I started dating my current partner so I didn't disclose up front. I wasn't even sure what exactly was going on with me to know what to say to anyone yet.

I had previously "dated" a couple women long distance (not at the same time )...met online and then in-person a couple times. The interactions and subsequent ending of the relationships were too similar for me not to take notice that something must be wrong on my end. It prompted me to examine myself. I could only do this by reviewing other people's behavior toward me. Until then, it never occurred to me that I wasn't "normal", but I certainly remembered having some odd interactions with people over the years.

Anyway, I finally told my current partner that I thought I had aspergers after we were dating a few months and she was really upset with me about something that I didn't understand. I think she was breaking up with me, or threatening to at least, when I told her. She had previously worked with clients who had autism when she worked for CPS (Child Protective Services) and said "Why didn't I realize that before now?"

It seemed to help that I dropped the "A-bomb"...I guess otherwise she would have just concluded that I was some kind of a jerk and moved on long ago. We've been together over 6 years now so I guess things are going pretty good.

In my experience the A-word is great - for those times when you want women to turn around and walk away.

But what's the difference anyway?

I do know most in the know could tell already from one look at me.

I usually have disclosed my Asperger's diagnosis and in my cases it's gone well, but perhaps because the women I've dated have been "different" enough to find it comforting that I'm "different" too. Your mileage may vary, obviously! My thought is, if you're being yourself, your partner is going to know that you're "different" regardless of whether you give it a name. So is anyone really obligated to share that information?

During my early relationships I didn't even KNOW I was as an Aspie, which I'm sure could have helped explain some awkward things I did. When I was diagnosed as a kid, they (they meaning doctors and my parents) never told me what I had, had a name. They simply told me "you process information differently than most people". YPIDTMP was just too unwieldy an acronym.... It was only after I was an adult that my mom recommended that I read a book called "look me in the eye". Interesting way to broach the subject...

Long story short, I didn't grow up with it being part of my identity, so I've never felt *obligated* to share. But when I feel comfortable (which I imagine I *should* with any romantic partner) I always do.

Changing results by measuring them is the real madness. Disorder, in itself conceptually, is pretty insulting to anyone's innate human adaptability when you get down to it.

Why do they have to know?

Can't one keeps a single secret for life?

If the relationship is going well, then there's no need to drop it.

Besides, I am not officially diagnosed, so I don't have any tangible proof that I "have it"; it's all speculation; If I get the expected reaction "it's all in your head" then it would be hard to counter that.

So nah, forget it. I say only drop it if you have an official diagnosis.

Why not admit it. If you do so, it opens the chance for your partner to be able to better understand you. Besides why hide it, the truth is that in this modern world of ours, people will find out sooner or later.

It's totally useless and you bring troubles upon yourself if you don't have an official diagnosis and if your culture views autism only as such (as classic noneverbal Autism):






My current partner doesn't know about my AS, nor about WP, and we're doing fine so far.

I am not planning to tell her.

I know it's common to talk about autism as something people "have," but it's not a disease, that invades the body and rides along as a parasite.

Since it actually involves prenatal configuration of the brain, it's less something we HAVE, than something we ARE.

I know to many, it's just hair-splitting, but while autism is my condition, I AM autistic. There is no separating me from my brain. I AM an autistic personality. To eliminate the autism would destroy my identity, and my personality (which are what they are, because of 24/7 immersion in an autistic point-of-view for years on end).

Without that constant experience of living inside an autistic brain, my personality would have developed into an entirely different individual.



Even more than that - we literally experience the entire world differently than you do, all day, every day, from sunup to sunup. And for that reason, I cannot imagine making any effort to hide who I am, to someone I WANT to know me. It's going to be difficult enough for them to make heads or tails of my behavior as it is, and I already have issues with disclosure, when it comes to expressing how I really feel (I know, Wrong Planeteers may find that difficult to believe, but it's true).

I always tried to tell anyone I ever dated up front that I was weird and difficult, even before I knew exactly why I was like that, but seriously, it's not like they couldn't see that from a mile away. To pretend otherwise would only have made me seem dense, and lacking in self-awareness.

the sum of your post begins and ends here.

semantics aside, i did my best to convey the message... telling someone is helpful. to both parties. whether it is visible and/or obvious or not.

fortunately, my other half does not think as you do. to him, he is not the sum of his AS (his words) and from experience i have found that no matter how challenging he finds life, he picks himself back up and keeps fighting. that is only ONE of his many attractive qualities that i admire and that drew me to him in the first place.


more importantly.

whilst i'm here i need to correct something...i initially said that my other half would not have told me about his AS had we started out dating, instead of as just friends. i referred him to this thread (and my post) and he said he WOULD have told me from the start.
therefore, i stand corrected...sorry stinky my mistake...you're clearly smarter than you look...

I have to say I think I split the difference there. My brain & its' haywire stress responses can knock me on my arse at times but that's only another source of meditative resolve for me.

Isolation & even my worst shutdowns are still introspection, I'm not sure there's a such thing within examing oneself as too much intensity.

Having Autism or Asperger's is not something to "admit" or "confess" to. You're not doing anything to anybody just by having autism. It's not like you have secret pedophiliac tendencies.

It's not like you have to admit you took a poo in somebody's yard.