Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

Page 1 of 13 [ 195 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 13  Next

Closet Genious
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2017
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 261
Location: Sweden

03 Jul 2017, 7:35 am

This post is based on observations on this forum. There seems to be alot of people here who strongly believe that if they just find someone, that it will make them happy and fullfilled. From my perspective, this seems like a ridiculous idea. Maybe it isn't, maybe we are just different? I know from experience that a relationship in itself is not the key to happiness(for me).

What makes you believe that a relationship will fulfill you?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,929
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

03 Jul 2017, 8:08 am

Maybe for some, it's just what's missing in their life; so once this is fulfilled then they would feel finally complete.



Copelandia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 8 May 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 67

03 Jul 2017, 9:22 am

I think it fulfills some aspects of being human... but obviously not all!



MagicMeerkat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,880
Location: either here or there

03 Jul 2017, 9:29 am

I don't. I think being in a relationship would make me very UNhappy. My mother had such an old fashioned view of marriage and actually made it sound like slavery. My father wasn't abusive to her or anything but she believed that a woman should be subservient to her husband. I was like, "You mean as soon as I grow up and get away from you, I have to surrender my freedom to some man just like that? Forget that!" I think a LOT of people in my neighborhood as a kid believed I was a closet lesbian because I never expressed any interest in boys; but I never felt anything towards other women either. Maybe my mother was just old fashioned, but being in a relationship of any kind isn't that appealing to me.


_________________
"So for all of you with the courage to stand up and say "I am me, screw you, World if you don't like it!" Here's to you!
-Erik Sprague


vethysnia
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 28
Location: Fort Collins, Colorado

03 Jul 2017, 9:58 am

I don't believe relationships make people happy unless they're willing to put in the effort to make them work/or even finding someone compatible. My marriage to my AS husband is definitely gratifying and fulfilling, but it is often grueling work to keep everything somewhat stable.



whatamievendoing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 624
Location: Finland

03 Jul 2017, 10:38 am

It would fulfill me in the sense that I'd know whether I'd be a good boyfriend or not. That's literally the only reason I want to experience a relationship at least once. Not in a rush to look for one, though.


_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 117
Posts: 1,285

03 Jul 2017, 12:09 pm

Maybe it won't. It'll make me feel like less of a hideous, worthless freak though. When you see damn near everyone around you is somehow desirable to somebody while you're not, how can you possibly be happy?



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,929
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

03 Jul 2017, 12:51 pm

This is such a good question.

I'm a caring person and I want someone to care for. I feel like I need a partnership where we can both look out for each other and enjoy things together. Of course we'll annoy each other as well, but I think that the good things will outweigh the bad.

This has to be a particular kind of man though. I need someone genuine and positive, even if one suffers from depression there can be an element of positivity in a person, I've seen it with people here. I really need someone who is interested in interesting things, someone who will want to go and visit places with me. Someone who will want to share time experiencing things with me. But I also really need someone who is happy with silence and who can entertain themselves. I've had a roommate before who needed constant attention and she drove me insane. I couldn't unwind around her.

I want a relationship with someone I am compatible with, not someone jarring and demanding.

I've been careful about getting into a relationship. I don't want one for the sake of having one. I want to find someone to share my life with. I also prefer male company to female company so I find it frustrating that I don't really have any male friends in the real world.


_________________
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it.


Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,706
Location: Australia

03 Jul 2017, 7:25 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
This post is based on observations on this forum. There seems to be alot of people here who strongly believe that if they just find someone, that it will make them happy and fullfilled. From my perspective, this seems like a ridiculous idea. Maybe it isn't, maybe we are just different? I know from experience that a relationship in itself is not the key to happiness(for me).

What makes you believe that a relationship will fulfill you?


I don't expect it to make it happy, but I do believe a happy relationship would manage my depression, anxiety, and all the negative feelings about being single (am I good enough for a reariondhip? Will I ever find love? Etc.)

'Not depressed' and 'at peace' is certainly better than the long, lonely nights with battles of thoughts, worries and fears going on in my head.

Im already mentally ill so.maybe those wont stop, but the relastionship aspect (fear of.being alone forever, etc.) of it would

I have essentially no friends either.

There's a difference between being single with friends and single with no friends.

I also don't have very close connection to most of my family except for the ones who live in the same house as me (most people I've noticed ave stronger relations with uncles, cousibs, etc. Than i do).

This isbt about having a girlfriend, its about having anyone in my life who cares about me and is there for me at all.

Just one good friend would likely keep me happy for years, let alone a girlfriend.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,871
Location: Queens, NYC

03 Jul 2017, 7:32 pm

I like a feminine presence in my life. I like the way women move, and their voices. I like cuddling with them.

That's why I feel a relationship makes me happy.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,619
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

03 Jul 2017, 7:32 pm

I don't think being in a relationship makes you happy. I mean ideally it wont make you unhappy, but you can be in a relationship and unhappy at the same time. For instance I am in a good relationship but I've had a rough week at work because I applied for part time and they gave me a 48 hour week so I was all pissed about that being in a relationship certainly didn't make me happy about that. Also I've struggled and do struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD...it doesn't just go away because I found a relationship I still have to deal with those things and do my best to cope with it in ways that don't involve being all grumpy at my boyfriend or other people I live with.

So no being in a relationship doesn't make you happy, life still happens and its not always happy...a good relationship can be somewhat helpful since it can provide and avenue of support for when you're struggling, but friends and family can also do that kind of thing if one is not in a relationship or counseling services if you don't have friends, like I have experienced for plenty of my life.


_________________
Don't go on, put it back
You're reading from the Bible Black!


Outrider
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,706
Location: Australia

03 Jul 2017, 7:41 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I don't think being in a relationship makes you happy. I mean ideally it wont make you unhappy, but you can be in a relationship and unhappy at the same time. For instance I am in a good relationship but I've had a rough week at work because I applied for part time and they gave me a 48 hour week so I was all pissed about that being in a relationship certainly didn't make me happy about that. Also I've struggled and do struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD...it doesn't just go away because I found a relationship I still have to deal with those things and do my best to cope with it in ways that don't involve being all grumpy at my boyfriend or other people I live with.

So no being in a relationship doesn't make you happy, life still happens and its not always happy...a good relationship can be somewhat helpful since it can provide and avenue of support for when you're struggling, but friends and family can also do that kind of thing if one is not in a relationship or counseling services if you don't have friends, like I have experienced for plenty of my life.


Your prblems don't go away, but life is still measurably better in a appy relationship or friedship.

I imagine its its just like what having friends feels like.

My life was 10x happier back when i had f4iends even if I have The same problems I do now

I want that again. It doesn't change my life but its better. And better is always better.

Ive noticed the best way to fight depression is do things that.make you.happy and you enjoy, its easier to do that with friends, constantly being exposed to new people ad events and stimulation, than playing that same videogame from 5 years ago for the hundreth time.

Humans get bored without new ideas, people and events, and for those of us stuck in this 'stay at home and do nothing all day' cyce, its way easier to get bored.

And when.I'm bored, I think about all the things that. make.e depressed, and become depressed.



OpalWP
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 24 Jun 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 43

03 Jul 2017, 9:15 pm

I think a relationship can make you happy for awhile. But as someone else said, your problems are still there.
Being accepted by a guy and him loving me, liking me and wanting to be in a relationship with me despite my issues and despite who I am would be amazing. In the sense that it's not overly likely. I guess you would feel less alone like somehow accepted.
Having said that, I also can hardly imagine loving a guy but then I guess if it happened, well....
It would need to happen naturally for me, not forced.


_________________
Worry, does absolutely nothing to help.

If you're out there, please come find me.


Mr_Miner
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 24 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 125

03 Jul 2017, 9:38 pm

A partner will never "complete you". You need to be fine on your own and then something might come along. I think Hollywood misleads us about what love is. Since a story is being told the character needs to have some growth, some change in their life. So they meet someone and now everything is fine. It leads people who don't feel good about themselves to think someone will do that for them. Sure a partner can make you feel good and add to your life but you can't expect them to do everything for you. And honestly you will more attractive if you are already complete anyway. I think this is why the guy is confident around women is known for getting dates. He does not seem to need them like the shy guy in the corner.

I know personally when I was younger I feel for the Hollywood stuff. Like in high school even though I am the shy loner guy some beautiful girl will pick me and remind me everyday how great I am. So much better than the football players.



JaredGTALover
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 10 Jan 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 196
Location: Bronx,NY,USA

04 Jul 2017, 4:00 am

Outrider wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I don't think being in a relationship makes you happy. I mean ideally it wont make you unhappy, but you can be in a relationship and unhappy at the same time. For instance I am in a good relationship but I've had a rough week at work because I applied for part time and they gave me a 48 hour week so I was all pissed about that being in a relationship certainly didn't make me happy about that. Also I've struggled and do struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD...it doesn't just go away because I found a relationship I still have to deal with those things and do my best to cope with it in ways that don't involve being all grumpy at my boyfriend or other people I live with.

So no being in a relationship doesn't make you happy, life still happens and its not always happy...a good relationship can be somewhat helpful since it can provide and avenue of support for when you're struggling, but friends and family can also do that kind of thing if one is not in a relationship or counseling services if you don't have friends, like I have experienced for plenty of my life.


Your prblems don't go away, but life is still measurably better in a appy relationship or friedship.

I imagine its its just like what having friends feels like.

My life was 10x happier back when i had f4iends even if I have The same problems I do now

I want that again. It doesn't change my life but its better. And better is always better.

Ive noticed the best way to fight depression is do things that.make you.happy and you enjoy, its easier to do that with friends, constantly being exposed to new people ad events and stimulation, than playing that same videogame from 5 years ago for the hundreth time.

Humans get bored without new ideas, people and events, and for those of us stuck in this 'stay at home and do nothing all day' cyce, its way easier to get bored.

And when.I'm bored, I think about all the things that. make.e depressed, and become depressed.


and i prefer stimming over relationships,because of how severely awkward i appear to women & girls (Chubby) & how uneasy i would make them upon eye-contact,causing me to be hateful & resentful about them when seeing them out on the street with a man :x :x :x :x :x :x :x