Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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auntblabby
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02 Nov 2017, 8:04 pm

life is easier with a loving helpmate.



Outrider
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02 Nov 2017, 8:27 pm

People who struggle in life are going to value their social life more.

You hear plenty of stories of young ambitious people having no social life in the pursuit of success and end up old and alone.

People with mental health problems like us learn to depend on others from a young age, we struggle to do so much the average person can't so strong family and friendships is something we seek out not just for support but because we value them a little more.

There are poor people in this world and family is the only thing they have, they arrive in Australia with nothing.

Think they care about earning 200,000 a year or living in a mansion and buyig a brad new BMW.

While many immigrants go on to be successful, there's plenty of poorer immigrants who are content with less money. A.smaller home, etc. And its their family and friends that matter to.them, because that's what was always there for them. Bit their old house in Afghanistan that got bombed,not their car that broke down.

Its kind of like that for us.

I personallybhave absolutely.no career ambitions, I'd be content with a part time job, living with a friend or girlfriend, and when I'm not working, doing adult business, I want to be doing things I love with people I love.

i just want a simple peaceful, fun life.



kraftiekortie
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02 Nov 2017, 8:30 pm

"Adult business," it should be noted, has various definitions---a least a few having to do with the sex trade.

When you use that phrase, people might misinterpret it.



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02 Nov 2017, 9:23 pm

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get really stressed too. I know people who work 12, 16 or even 20 hours per day yet a mere 8 hour day makes me feel exhausted :(

With travel time I, gone 8 hours a day. If I worked 8 I’d be gone 12 hours a day. I’d leave around 10 am and get back around 10:30pm.
I’m exhausted after a 5 hour shift. Half the time feel like quitting.

So there’s not good paying full time job in my future. Which most the advice offered to me relies on happening. And since that kind of job isn’t in my future neither is owning car, mother p, moped or similar thing. Bus is about all I can afford and that’s cause I pay half price. Otherwise it’d be a stretch affording it.
Half my income from work goes to the government. So I make 800 a month but get to keep $400 plus 700 from ssi, so I make 1,100 a month. Car payments are at least $400 a month. Then another $200 or so for insurance on Asia’s car,
Oh and i dont know about over there, but here we can only have 2,000 in wealth, so I can only buy a car with 2,000 or less. And since I can only have 2,000 saved up. I can’t even do that cause it’s $300 to transfer title, register tag and plate a car. So leaves 1,700. Right now they gave me money ow they want it back, so dealing with that drama, now I have to prove where it all went. Instead of them just saying we f****d up and told him it was his money over and over two weeks ago, so now my life will be dissected more then they do when you first apply to get on ssi over $380. Yay freaking hate my life. So my cats going die, cause we have 350 for his surgery but now I probably have to give them that money.


It sounds like the system is actually designed to keep you dependant on it.


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kraftiekortie
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02 Nov 2017, 9:39 pm

You're still making a car payment on a car which not driveable?

Is Asia your sister?



sly279
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02 Nov 2017, 10:11 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get really stressed too. I know people who work 12, 16 or even 20 hours per day yet a mere 8 hour day makes me feel exhausted :(

With travel time I, gone 8 hours a day. If I worked 8 I’d be gone 12 hours a day. I’d leave around 10 am and get back around 10:30pm.
I’m exhausted after a 5 hour shift. Half the time feel like quitting.

So there’s not good paying full time job in my future. Which most the advice offered to me relies on happening. And since that kind of job isn’t in my future neither is owning car, mother p, moped or similar thing. Bus is about all I can afford and that’s cause I pay half price. Otherwise it’d be a stretch affording it.
Half my income from work goes to the government. So I make 800 a month but get to keep $400 plus 700 from ssi, so I make 1,100 a month. Car payments are at least $400 a month. Then another $200 or so for insurance on Asia’s car,
Oh and i dont know about over there, but here we can only have 2,000 in wealth, so I can only buy a car with 2,000 or less. And since I can only have 2,000 saved up. I can’t even do that cause it’s $300 to transfer title, register tag and plate a car. So leaves 1,700. Right now they gave me money ow they want it back, so dealing with that drama, now I have to prove where it all went. Instead of them just saying we f****d up and told him it was his money over and over two weeks ago, so now my life will be dissected more then they do when you first apply to get on ssi over $380. Yay freaking hate my life. So my cats going die, cause we have 350 for his surgery but now I probably have to give them that money.


It sounds like the system is actually designed to keep you dependant on it.

It is designed to punish disabled people for making money. The conservatives designed it that way. Then they b***h people stay on it.
If I did manage to work full time I’d end up homeless. More I earn the less I make. I came close when they made me work 38 hours when I started.



RetroGamer87
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02 Nov 2017, 10:15 pm

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get really stressed too. I know people who work 12, 16 or even 20 hours per day yet a mere 8 hour day makes me feel exhausted :(

With travel time I, gone 8 hours a day. If I worked 8 I’d be gone 12 hours a day. I’d leave around 10 am and get back around 10:30pm.
I’m exhausted after a 5 hour shift. Half the time feel like quitting.

So there’s not good paying full time job in my future. Which most the advice offered to me relies on happening. And since that kind of job isn’t in my future neither is owning car, mother p, moped or similar thing. Bus is about all I can afford and that’s cause I pay half price. Otherwise it’d be a stretch affording it.
Half my income from work goes to the government. So I make 800 a month but get to keep $400 plus 700 from ssi, so I make 1,100 a month. Car payments are at least $400 a month. Then another $200 or so for insurance on Asia’s car,
Oh and i dont know about over there, but here we can only have 2,000 in wealth, so I can only buy a car with 2,000 or less. And since I can only have 2,000 saved up. I can’t even do that cause it’s $300 to transfer title, register tag and plate a car. So leaves 1,700. Right now they gave me money ow they want it back, so dealing with that drama, now I have to prove where it all went. Instead of them just saying we f****d up and told him it was his money over and over two weeks ago, so now my life will be dissected more then they do when you first apply to get on ssi over $380. Yay freaking hate my life. So my cats going die, cause we have 350 for his surgery but now I probably have to give them that money.


It sounds like the system is actually designed to keep you dependant on it.

It is designed to punish disabled people for making money. The conservatives designed it that way. Then they b***h people stay on it.
If I did manage to work full time I’d end up homeless. More I earn the less I make. I came close when they made me work 38 hours when I started.


Yet the conservatives keep saying they want people to get off welfare and earn their own money.


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sly279
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03 Nov 2017, 12:12 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get really stressed too. I know people who work 12, 16 or even 20 hours per day yet a mere 8 hour day makes me feel exhausted :(

With travel time I, gone 8 hours a day. If I worked 8 I’d be gone 12 hours a day. I’d leave around 10 am and get back around 10:30pm.
I’m exhausted after a 5 hour shift. Half the time feel like quitting.

So there’s not good paying full time job in my future. Which most the advice offered to me relies on happening. And since that kind of job isn’t in my future neither is owning car, mother p, moped or similar thing. Bus is about all I can afford and that’s cause I pay half price. Otherwise it’d be a stretch affording it.
Half my income from work goes to the government. So I make 800 a month but get to keep $400 plus 700 from ssi, so I make 1,100 a month. Car payments are at least $400 a month. Then another $200 or so for insurance on Asia’s car,
Oh and i dont know about over there, but here we can only have 2,000 in wealth, so I can only buy a car with 2,000 or less. And since I can only have 2,000 saved up. I can’t even do that cause it’s $300 to transfer title, register tag and plate a car. So leaves 1,700. Right now they gave me money ow they want it back, so dealing with that drama, now I have to prove where it all went. Instead of them just saying we f****d up and told him it was his money over and over two weeks ago, so now my life will be dissected more then they do when you first apply to get on ssi over $380. Yay freaking hate my life. So my cats going die, cause we have 350 for his surgery but now I probably have to give them that money.


It sounds like the system is actually designed to keep you dependant on it.

It is designed to punish disabled people for making money. The conservatives designed it that way. Then they b***h people stay on it.
If I did manage to work full time I’d end up homeless. More I earn the less I make. I came close when they made me work 38 hours when I started.


Yet the conservatives keep saying they want people to get off welfare and earn their own money.

They want them(me) to die. So they can’t have even more money then they already do and more then they need.
Their system keeps people on government aid not encourages them to get off.



Almost
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03 Nov 2017, 2:19 am

That's a powerful question, as there are a lot of people who seek relationships just because being single feels like their doing something wrong or something. I've never been in a real relationship, but just being alive as long as I have I know that starting a relationship with someone because "I dont want to be alone and this person is willing to be with me" isn't a solid foundation. Especially if you haven't got yourself figured out yet, you don't want to wrap somebody else up in your mess.

I think good advice is to make sure you love yourself and know who YOU are first. Then when you come across somebody who makes you feel even better about life and that you care for them, then that's a good potential mate for you. I bet that's way more fulfilling, it's just hard to find that special someone. You can look for them all you want, but sometimes they only come into your life by sheer luck. So if you stumble across that person that completes you, you gotta let them know so they don't slip away

That being said, I don't know anything about being in a relationship but in my head my ideal mate would be a girl I could just talk to about anything and I'd feel comfort in her presence (and vice versa). Someone you have that unspoken chemistry with, where you can just be doing nothing and you're enjoying yourself cause they are with you



auntblabby
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03 Nov 2017, 2:57 am

Almost wrote:
I don't know anything about being in a relationship but in my head my ideal mate would be a girl I could just talk to about anything and I'd feel comfort in her presence (and vice versa). Someone you have that unspoken chemistry with, where you can just be doing nothing and you're enjoying yourself cause they are with you

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” [George Eliot]



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03 Nov 2017, 6:35 am

Society treats us like we're doing something wrong.

I can't be the only one who has family saying to them every time we meet up "so have you met someone yet?"

"Yet"... the expectation is that it's a thing that should happen.

I used to lie and say I was seeing someone who was just a friend so that I could appear normal, but I don't care anymore. I just say no.



kraftiekortie
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03 Nov 2017, 8:43 am

It’s better than them NOT expecting you to meet someone.

It wasn’t taken for granted in my childhood that I would achieve adult independence.

You have lots of good, desirable qualities.



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03 Nov 2017, 12:09 pm

Outrider wrote:
4.

Maybe it actually is? Indeed.

A lot of people are unhappy being single but are at least able.to distract their mind with their career and other aspects of adult life.

When you have mental.illness all aspects of life are harder.

So that NT who works 10hra a day might be distracted by his job but since I don't have a job and couldn't possibly work 10hrs a day what am Igoing to.do in those 10hrs? Yeah my hobbies but when I get.bored with that I think about how lonely I am.

Or how a lot of the men here don't have friends at all so a girlfriend would give them a social life because they're desperately lonely and depressed in general.

That's basically the thing, I think, you've mentioned before. - That most people can't understand that there is a difference between being single and having plenty of friends and being single and having no friends. It seems to me that it wouldn't occur to most 'normal' people that it is possible to be single because you can't find anyone and not by choice or that it is possible to not have any friends.

The few times I mentioned things irl that I think indicate pretty well that I don't have friends, people still continued to assume that I have a normal social life even though they must also have realized by then that I am quiet, weird and boring.
There was this one girl, a fellow student from university, who would sometimes talk to me because we took the same train home and her friends didn't. She once needed to borrow my phone because the battery of her's was empty and I mentioned I didn't know if mine was charged as I hadn't used it in over a month - yes I knew this sounds weird, just didn't care. She seemed slightly bewildered but wouldn't conclude that maybe I don't have (m)any friends and thus no one phones me. I also never mentioned any friends while we talked whereas she mentioned many activities she did with her friends. After I seemed clueless when she talked about some discos and other places where social people tend to go - and some of these places were near the university we studied at or 15 minutes away from my home (by car) - she just concluded that the both of us might like different music - not that maybe I don't go to discos because I don't have people to go with (wouldn't be my preferred place to go to anyway, but point is, she couldn't imagine that some people might not go to discos, just that some people might go to different discos than her).
No matter how little effort you bother to make to hide that you don't have friends people will assume you have a normal social life because they can't imagine that anyone might not.

Though it's only been the past few years I didn't bother much to hide how much is wrong with me. Before I was 18 1/2 or 19 I had social phobia that was bad enough to make me almost completely unable to talk to anyone but my family. I didn't seem less weird back then when I tried to not let people see that there's something seriously wrong with me.

I can sometimes get distracted by the things I need to do and that doesn't feel bad, but I can only do so for a limited amount of time. Then I get exhausted and lose motivation. If I keep doing thing that stress me too much I get psychosomatic pains and nausea which again gets exhausting and doesn't help with motivation. So yeah, I must seem quite lazy to those always active extroverts.

Yeah sorry, long and useless rant and maybe not completely relevant to the actual topic.



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03 Nov 2017, 12:17 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Society treats us like we're doing something wrong.

I can't be the only one who has family saying to them every time we meet up "so have you met someone yet?"

"Yet"... the expectation is that it's a thing that should happen.

I used to lie and say I was seeing someone who was just a friend so that I could appear normal, but I don't care anymore. I just say no.


Luckily I don't have family that puts that much pressure on me to meet someone, but some seem to assume that I will without a problem. Maybe because it's easier for me to interact with people I know than to get to know new people. They have no idea how awkward and/or boring I am.



sly279
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03 Nov 2017, 1:08 pm

NorthWind wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Society treats us like we're doing something wrong.

I can't be the only one who has family saying to them every time we meet up "so have you met someone yet?"

"Yet"... the expectation is that it's a thing that should happen.

I used to lie and say I was seeing someone who was just a friend so that I could appear normal, but I don't care anymore. I just say no.


Luckily I don't have family that puts that much pressure on me to meet someone, but some seem to assume that I will without a problem. Maybe because it's easier for me to interact with people I know than to get to know new people. They have no idea how awkward and/or boring I am.


People at my work do it to me. Then tell me times running out I better get too it :cry:



Almost
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03 Nov 2017, 1:20 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Almost wrote:
I don't know anything about being in a relationship but in my head my ideal mate would be a girl I could just talk to about anything and I'd feel comfort in her presence (and vice versa). Someone you have that unspoken chemistry with, where you can just be doing nothing and you're enjoying yourself cause they are with you

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” [George Eliot]

I dig this passage, it is exactly the kind of feeling I meant