Stalling during take off
06 Jul 2017, 4:22 pm
I have a wonderful niece who lives with me. She is 24 and was diagnosed with autism in junior high school. She tried college but it was difficult. She raised by and living with her grandparents, but she "ran away" to live with me a few months ago. I live in a larger city and there is public transportation, whereas her grandparents lived in a small town. I agree that there is more resources here and we are working on getting her some assistance with voc rehab as well as Social Security but these things take time. I have communicated basic rules which simply consist of things like showers laundry and eating. I allow her as much time alone as she wants. The problem is that I don't think that I am helping her because she is too willing to live in her tiny space, communicate with with me and my boyfriend as little as possible, and only come out for food. I got her a three month bus pass which she used twice and I don't think that she has left the house in a month and a half. I think voc rehab told her not to job hunt and with no experience finding a job would be difficult on her own. I believe that she accepts her autism diagnosis but I don't know how well. I am not aware of any support outside of family. She doesn't communicate unless she has to and does not advocate for herself. I know things have to be as frustrating for her as they are for me, but finding help is difficult when she will shut down so easily. I am starting to have problems with things such as making sure that she showers. With her only activity being walking from the fridge to her room, I told her that in two weeks she needed to find something to do or I would help her find somewhere that she could volunteer. She was able to get an appointment with voc rehab in two weeks. This is fine but everything is a struggle and I hate being a nag. I am having a hard time finding where I can help her find success. I understand that her success may be defined differently but as it stands I see her as an unwashed adult who only goes to the store for food and can barely talk to people. This sounds harsh but I need help as much as she does. I see people with autism advocating for themselves and defining their own lives and we are so far from that. My family is looking at therapy but she is an adult and can refuse to go. We just don't know what is next.
08 Jul 2017, 8:16 am
Here is a link to the International Clubhouses http://www.iccd.org/search_form.php
They are a place for social activities, some job search, volunteering, and would offer help applying for benefits as well. They usually will provide some food and transportation to get you there. It is a tough situation to be in alone, so it could be something like this to research a little and if there is one nearby, you could suggest that it is something to try for a while.
11 Jul 2017, 9:58 pm
It might help to understand the reason people on the spectrum often have a difficult time advocating for themselves.
1. It can be difficult to know what's acceptable to do and what isn't. Many people on the spectrum have been in situations where they are encouraged to speak up, only to be admonished when they actually do, because they did so in a socially inappropriate way, or about a thing which was not consistent with views of the person who originally told them to speak up. People on the spectrum are often on a different page, so to speak, than others, and don't have the same guarantee of social support. We never really know when everyone is going to harass us for not speaking up or advocating for something, or when we will be met with severe condemnation for doing so. For example, if you tell her to speak up for herself and she finally does, but puts her foot down about your requirement that she shower how ever man days per week, is she going to be wrong for doing that? If you tell her to keep calling x person about some job or volunteer position, is that ok or is it harassment?
How is she to know?
2. If it's written or said to us that something will happen in a particular way, we tend to expect that it does, and when it doesn't, it can be perplexing.
In fact the entire idea of having to advocate for one's self when something is supposed to happen a particular way and doesn't is such a foreign concept that it tends to throw people on the spectrum into entirely uncharted territory.
Instead of telling her to advocate for herself, I would make her more aware of what her rights are and when it's appropriate to put up a fuss about not getting that which she is entitled to.
