Hi. New here.

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Hi all. I recently learned a friend who has a son with Asperger's thought I had it as well. At first I was surprised. But then I wondered and I started researching. I've been at it for days non-stop. I've found enough that I think I'd like to go for an evaluation. I started writing a document to give to a potential doctor, because there is no way I could communicate this in conversation, but I keep wondering "am I crazy?" I've been wanting to run it by someone but it's so personal I'm loath to let someone I know read it. Then I thought of this forum. Whom better to ask for an opinion? So, if you have the time, I'd appreciate an opinion. Not on it as a letter, per se (though that's OK too), but on the list of things in my life that seem to be "Asperger'ish". Agree? Disagree? This is all really new. If this isn't the right place for this post kindly redirect me?

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I recently learned that a friend who has a son with Asperger's Syndrome thought I shared a number of traits with her son and that I might be on the Autism spectrum. Worrying about what I did that stood out and not knowing that much about Asperger's, I started researching. I found many things I have struggled with all my life among the behaviours ascribed to Asperger's. I also found a test called the Asperger Quotient test. I took it and scored a 37. Any score between 33 and 50 was labeled "significant autistic traits". There was another test called the Aspie Quiz which gave me an "Aspie" score of 138/200 and an "NT" score of 69/200. As I researched more I found many "quirks" I have could also potentially be ascribed to Asperger's. I started making a list of things to help me think about it. I've gone back and added context for some. This is the list.

- Trouble controlling emotional responses. Especially anger. Into my early twenties I had flipping furniture kind of blind rage.
- Eye contact makes me very uncomfortable. I've learned to make a point of making some, but not too much, while wearing the right facial expression.
- I'm extremely sensitive, especially to criticism. I've had my over-sensitivity pointed out enough over the course of my life that I try to suppress any response.
- I talk at people and tend to go on and on about the same thing. This used to get pointed out to me frequently. I've mostly learned to create pauses to give others a chance to speak and to ask questions when they speak so they don't judge me poorly. It is very hard to do.
- I hate talking on the phone. It's confusing and I often don't understand whats being said and have to ask for it to be repeated. "Conversational" phone calls are usually filled with "you go ahead", "no, you go ahead" exchanges.
- I have a tendency to interrupt people people and to talk over them, sometimes with "random" changes in topic. When people question my response and I try to explain my "perfectly rational" segue I usually end up feeling even more embarrassed when they don't get it.
- I sometimes completely zone out when people talk to me. Even when I'm actively trying not to. Eyes glazed, snapping fingers to get my attention back kind of zone out.
- I haven't done it in a few years but I cut when I'm overwhelmed.
- Getting things done is really difficult. I was beaten frequently over this as a child because I was so bad about it my mother assumed I was being intentional. I've learned to make lists and use electronic aids to get things done. I try to make myself to do things the instant I know they need to be done ... which often gets me a "well, I didn't mean NOW ..." response.
- People often misunderstand how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking and it sometimes leads to arguments. They insist on going off some cue that I don't get and won't listen when I say "I know what I'm thinking and feeling and I'm telling you its ..."
- Smiling when others are frowning has caused me a lot of grief. When I was an altar boy as a child I would sometimes smile at funerals. Trouble.
- I have excellent long term memory but my short term memory is atrociously bad. Sufficiently so that people frequently comment on it. "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached" was a favorite saying of my mothers. Its also extremely hard to learn the names of people. As an example, recently it took me eight months before I remembered the names of my neighbors kids. I would hear the names all the time. I just couldn't remember. I also often cant recall the names of people I know well. Sometimes it's not possible to get away with "he", or "they" and leads to very embarrassing situations.
- Socializing requires an exhausting amount of effort. People expect more from me, socially, than I can give and it makes friendships hard. I prefer to be by myself, or one-on-one with someone I know well. Small groups of people I know are manageable. I'll go to a party but often end up hiding in a corner.
- "Little professor". I get called out on this a lot.
- I'm inclined to speak formally and use big words. I think this way but try to change it before it gets to my mouth. Having the nickname "tedious" for a year in grade-school for using the word once in a response to a teachers question put a big exclamation point on this.
- I'm prone to speaking and acting extremely impulsively. I frequently got yelled at for this as a child. "Think before you speak/act!".
- I can't multi-task. Talking while driving will get me in to trouble - literally. Like running red lights ... or stopping at green ones. I often joke about not being able to "walk and chew gum" at the same time.
- I'm overly blunt, honest, and "terse". I constantly work at softening things.
- I've been told, even as an adult, I have an "overdeveloped" sense of right and wrong. I used to frequently complain to my mother about things in the world around me that were wrong or unfair. Her response was always, "Life's not fair".
- I get hung up on truth, logic, and accuracy. I catch myself correcting other people frequently with "technically..." and "well actually...". It's like an itch I have to scratch but I know it bothers other people and try not to.
- Florescent lights are painful.
- Some normal smells, like sausage for example, make me nauseous
- I don't feel pain the way most people do. I've had a few broken bones I continued to use after I broke them, not realizing they were broken. Most of my fillings were done without Novocain (I have at least one filling on most of my teeth). I hate the way Novocain feels.
- I can't stand the way touching some things feels. Especially dry things. I've had people call me "neurotic" for my aversions.
- I chew on my fingers and knuckles, and rub my feet together a lot. When I was a teenager I used to suck and chew on my shirt collar all the time and was frequently licking my fingers. I got yelled at for it a lot
- I become obsessively interested in things. I have thousands of categorized web browser book-marks as a result.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You're very much like me lol. Except for your rage, I never damage things apart from myself or feelings of others.
I wonder how much you're able to do independently. How old are you, are you working, living by yourself, can you cover your bills alone etc. (Just out of sheer curiosity)

I'm 43. My world is small and predictable. I live alone. I'm a software architect. It suits me. Computer programmers on the whole are all kind of weird so I don't stand out.