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Ah, gotcha. well I guess I am guilty of the deal breakers too. The people who list the standards their potential mate doesn't live up to or which type of people need not contact them, I tend to evade that. It doesn't feel approachable, and having been bullied so often in my teens I kinda just filter them out. You don't know what to say anyway, there is nothing to talk about in depth unless there is a discussion topic, so you have to do small talk which I can't do...
This is the sort of thing I mean (and I responded to in the other topic linked above). These people are selling themselves short. What if they've listed "if you smoke don't bother contacting me" and someone else reads that who maybe smokes socially, and thinks well, if you're going to be that way about it I
won't contact you. Maybe those two people could have been blissfully happy together if they'd just met somewhere, maybe talked, given each other a chance. But they never get that far. Someone reads something about the person that isn't immediately and completely appealing and they just reject them outright - with online profiles, without even
meeting that person.
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They do that in real life too. Of course they do. People don't want to date people they're not attracted to. I wonder if there is so much frustration about "online dating" here because people somehow think that it magically makes people not care about looks or other things regarding physicality. Online dating simply allows people to be even more selective even easier than in real life so in many ways online has all the problems meat-space dating does only even worse, not better.
I find this attraction thing interesting in movies/TV. Many times I've found an actor crazy attractive, but then I see them in a different role and don't find them remotely attractive. It was everything about the personality they were portraying that attracted me. They can look exactly the same and without the mannerisms, personality, background story, behaviour, etc of the character they were playing, they're not even physically appealing. Attraction isn't so simple as just flat out looks in a picture. I know one dude who has a birth defect which means he was only born with one eye. In a picture, he would look unappealing. But he's a swaggering, charismatic, super self-confident smooth-talker, and gorgeous women literally fall all over him and his lack of an eye.
Also, attraction can be tied up with affection or love. Maybe someone isn't your poster girl / boy, but you know that person, you know what a fabulous person they are, and they look more attractive to you based on that awareness.
As I commented in the other topic, just dismissing people because they have this attribute, or have had this problem, or have this label, or hell, they aren't a certain hair colour, eye colour, weight, and height sometimes, then they're not even worth consideration, seems to miss out on the potential of meeting someone who could be great for you, and you for them.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
09 Jul 2017, 6:01 pm
