New and Nervous

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Hello, I'm 34 years old and from Canada. I'm very strongly suspecting about being an Aspie. I have a not of misgivings about the idea (mainly that it puts the final nail in the coffin on being "normal" - I already have an ADHD diagnosis), but I'm revisiting a lot of things that I do or have done that only make sense when viewed through the lens of "you have Asperger's." I admit being entirely uncertain on how to react to it...

Welcome to you!

I myself, after my diagnosis years ago, went through a period of mixed feelings regarding my diagnosis. Ultimately though, you need not be defined by a diagnosis, I certainly don't define myself chiefly by my diagnosis.

Besides, define "normal", according to who's standard do you define it? Ultimately do you really want to be what most people consider normal; many things are considered normal, but that doesn't make them necessarily good per-se, (or bad), only something that is common.

In any event, I pray you find the answers you are looking for and find these forums helpful

Hi there, I have recently received a tentative diagnoses of HFA (although I would regard myself as middle functioning, I'm no science, tech or math whizz etc.)

I went through some mixed feelings. Bear in mind this was only 3 days ago.

First I felt kind of excited as I felt finally something made sense and had a whole new world to read up about and research on. Then I felt depressed the next day as I thought great I'm now limited by this condition.

Then my therapist said well you're still you and still have your history etc and got me realising the positive and potential negatives of defining too much by the label. On the plus side it makes sense of a lot of my life and I can use that to make me realise where I have been held back and had trouble - mostly life planning and navigating the social world - and learn new ways of coping and also giving myself a break over it.

But also not letting it define me too much and thinking it means certain things are limited or impossible for me, but rather instead understand my own processes, going at my own pace and shaping my life in a positive way while being aware of potential pitfalls.

Psycho-education can be a good thing if done constructively and if possible not all by yourself.

I haven't had the full assessment you need for a formal diagnoses in my country yet as the waiting list is very long and when I do as my Mother has Alzheimer's so cannot give input and I don't think my Dad would come along with me, it will have to be mostly based just on my own accounts.

I actually have my own secret name for whatever is wrong for me and like that, but at the same time the HFA lens of looking at things has made me actually more comfortable in work and social situations as I understand why I feel and act how I do and in some inexplicable way has made me less panicky, I think it's because I realised event NT's ut up masks, postures and personas in public and don't show everything about how they feel etc and that realisation of not being the only one has made me feel less pressured to be all outgoing and dynamic etc and also made me realise I can now experiment with my own persona and be aware more of when I might be a bit too intense or too quiet and think about ways to come across differently etc.

Also I found that faking it until you feel it can work too as long as you are very aware At my work it's just fast paced retail and I always wondered how and why my colleagues enjoyed making small talk and pleasantries with customers and I was just really polite and formal like 'do you need a bag, that's ______ pounds please, thank you, goodbye' etc.

So recently I tried bantering a bit (being on Zoloft for the past month to drag me out of a depression helped somewhat too) and after a while realised it's not so bad and can help make things a bit more fun.#

Also less beating myself up over being over 40 years old and seemingly still stuck in adolescence, feeling nervous about moving out of parent's again and not having 'the life most people have' of long term partner, kids, long term career, driving license and car etc. Kind of made me accept my way of life is my life and that 'it is okay' and to not try too much to fit myself into a hole that doesn't fit (trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole so to speak when a lifestyle is the hole and you are the peg is not very self compassionate on you the peg....)

Anyway didn't mean to make this all about me, just sharing my perspective as someone also newly diagnosed potentially HFA with you.

Hope all is well

Welcome to WP from a fellow Canadian!

Too late for that, m'dear. The epiphany you must now face is that you never were normal, and everybody but you knew it all along.

The delusion of normalcy was occurring only inside your head. On the outside, people were raising their eyebrows behind your back, and winking at each other over your head; pointing, and mouthing silently "What an effing weirdo."

Oh, to your face they'd say things like "If everybody else can do it, you surely can, you're legs aren't broke." I mean, they expected you to be normal - but they knew you weren't.

It's the paradox of being undiagnosed - you're constantly discriminated against for a disability no one admits that you have.



No need to worry about that unpleasant "Ass Burgers" label now, anyway (though folks who knew him say Hans Asperger pronounced his name "Ahz-pair-guhr") - the new diagnostic manual just lists us all as "on the autism spectrum."

Not to tell you how you should feel, but a lot of us diagnosed in adulthood are initially elated to find a name for what we are (since we always knew we were something different), excited to find that things we were told for years were weaknesses and personality flaws, are actually handicaps resulting from a neurological dysfunction that is not our fault at all. There's something liberating and cathartic about that.

Then, often comes a bit of a letdown, as a sort of sense of melancholy sets in when you realize what you've really already known for years - it's a permanent condition and it's never going to change. You may know why you're an oddball now, but you're still an oddball and always will be. Again, not exactly a news flash, but a little sad to accept, nonetheless.

Then, may follow an obsessive, insatiable need to understand absolutely everything there is to know about autism, to fully examine exactly how it has been affecting you all these years; to explore the nuances behind all the descriptive phrases and symptoms listed in the diagnostic manual, and how they apply to the real world of every day experience - your experience.

You may begin to acknowledge the barrage of sensory stimuli that's been assaulting you every minute of your life for so long, you just assumed everybody was experiencing life that way (they aren't). To realize that you live in a constant state of heightened anxiety that make all those relaxed, copacetic neurotypicals around you view you as tense and uptight (you are). To understanding that even when you thought you understood what was going on around you on a normal day, you were missing literally hundreds of nonverbal signals that everyone else in the room took for granted (and therefore often appeared clueless and naive, because you are). And you may notice that lots of small sounds and tones or glints of light that annoy and distract you, are literally inaudible/invisible to the people around you. It's always been this way, you're just more likely to notice it now.

And with that, gradually comes a whole new sense of self - of who you are. No matter whether you choose to embrace the diagnosis and identify with it (when you think about it realistically, you've been living inside this miswired brain since birth - your entire personality has been formed around it. It is inextricably a large part of who you are); or whether you decide to ignore it, as just a minor inconvenience on the path to greatness, it still sets you apart from the rank and file of human beings as a singularly unique breed of hominid.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome!

Hi, FO! I'm 29 and I'm from Canada too! I got a diagnosis and it was awful; get one only if you know what you're doing and REALLY REALLY want one. Me, what happened was that I was seen as having certain AS traits I didn't have just because of my autistic/Aspie label. NEGATIVE traits, and positive traits that NTs nonetheless thought were negative. It was NOT a pleasant experience. Many autistics are also seen, just because of their label, as not having thoughts or feelings as intense or complex as NTs. So BEWARE the diagnosis.

Whelp, it normally helps if I remember to stick my head in after posting... >_>

Okay, going down the list...

First off, I'm feeling a bit better about it now. This is hardly the biggest revelation about self that I've had, and I will research, integrate, and adapt as needed.

I should quantify my "normal" comment - I had constructed a vision of who I should be as an adult; this no-nonsense, productive businessperson. Suddenly, already being well into adulthood, that's all falling apart, and I'm finding that I'm actually this quiet, slightly crazy hippie-esque girl with messy hair. This has really only been over the past year, so I'm still a little reeling over it .

I dunno, I like new me better, TBH...

A diagnosis would only be for work - my manager is on my case about communication skills, and I may have had a crying meltdown a couple of weeks ago. An office isn't the best environment for me anyway; I'm just... kinda stuck there, for now.