Issues in marriage, hobbies, communication...

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Me and my husband both have Asperger's syndrome.

Our problems are mostly based on communication issues. I like to talk about things a lot, my interests of course and I like to brainstorm topics and think and discuss deeply about things. I have a lot of hobbies/interests but I also need my alone time.

My husband on the other hand has a very few interests/hobbies and he doesn't like to talk about them for a long time. He is usually very quiet and don't talk much. His life seems very easy, he has no trouble sleeping and doing normal things during the day. My life is more complex, I'm much more sensitive to sounds, touch, lights, taste, smell and to changes in routine. I need constant routine and missions during the day and a lot of time to spend on my interests and being alone. I really envy him of his simple world.

He is into fishing,animal planet, basketball and photography. I like to study and read almost anything, watch movies/tv shows, learn about WWII and Adolf Hitler, play video games and board games, study disorders and pshycological issues, autism and human and animal behavior and therefore we have not so much to talk about other than parenting and housekeeping and the weather and that is just so boring !

We can DO things together like play board games, go out for a walk, watch a movie or cook. But I feel like we can't talk. It's like there is this big thing that is missing and that thing is very important to me because I really need to be able to talk about all these things.

So I often feel very lonely and even if he is there, I feel like I have no none to talk to. Like he is a ghost or a wall or something. I don't know really.

Any advise ? Can you relate to my/our problem ?

If you can find an interest which you both share, well that would be just perfect.

My wife of 26 years is NT and does not believe my recent diagnosis, she did not want me to go at all and we have not talked about it since I received my diagnosis, there will be one hell of a fight when/if we do I fear (it makes me so anxious to fleetingly even think about it) So far I have recieved a single text message with two smilies on it. When I got home she asked "what did you talk about" I told her, she heard (without listening) and not a single additional word has been spoken.

Talking is good, and again I have the same problem, I could compete for the GB Olympic talking team, she hardly talks and when she does its either small talk (which kills me) or work. Ultimately we can't change anyone, personality types are just that, personal. We have to learn, if we can, to work together, find things you like to do together.

I feel sorry for you, at least my husband knows my diagnosis and has autism as well.

I can relate to have someone doubting my diagnosis and/or didn't want to listen or talk about it. I had a good friend , at least I thought she was good. She didn't believe that I was autistic and didn't want to listen to me. It was awful..and we are not friends anymore. Another friend told me I was annoying friend because I was autistic and we hardly speak anymore. Maybe I just suck at this..

Maybe try and find out why he doesn't talk much.

From personal experience, when I am in control I tend not to talk a lot. It just gets hard after a lifetime of people reacting the way they do to some of the idiocy that comes out of my mouth that it's just easier not to talk at all. Maybe he just can't pretend to talk about things that do not interest him; don't take it personal. Please keep trying though.