Depressed for ten years. Am I a loser?

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I have suffered clinical depression, specifically dysthymia, for the last ten years of my life. Those ten years were a living nightmare and I don't know how I survived them. If I make it to 30 and I am still depressed, I will probably kill myself. Am I a loser for being like this for so long?

NO! You just haven't found your element!! ! We all have a purpose in this world and something inside us that makes us want more of it. Find it! I found mine; I found my God. I still get depressed, but never again will I go below a certain level, and as for the rest of it, practice makes perfect.

Everyone has infinite potential, many just haven't found a way to tap into it yet.

I think your only a loser if you decide to give up & let it control you. I know it's easy to get discouraged but as long as you keep trying to fight it & live your life you are NOT a loser. Have you gotten any professional help?

I sometimes wonder if I was set on this Earth to fulfill a purpose but the society around me shunned me and tried to beat me down until I loved the pain and became another sheep. For a while, I did suffer from brainwashing and I managed to overcome it but I still haven't discovered my purpose.

I don't desire fame and fortune. I just want to find my social niche, have a loving girlfriend/wife, and excel at the things I wish I was good at but instead I am shunned even by the people who I thought would be my friends, women think I am gross, and I struggle at things no matter how hard I try. I wonder why I am even still alive.



I've been in therapy just as long as I've been depressed and I've seen a handful of therapists. The latest one I've seen the longest (Almost six years) and she's been the most helpful but the culture I live in keeps me stuck in a rut. I also have a hard time letting go of my past due to the disappointments I went through; I didn't have a girlfriend, I didn't have many friends, I didn't get to see many bands I liked live (No thanks to my father), and I didn't receive any encouragement to follow my passions or expand my knowledge. I feel like because I failed in the past that my future is already determined.

I have suffered clinical depression, specifically dysthymia, for the last ten years of my life. Those ten years were a living nightmare and I don't know how I survived them. If I make it to 30 and I am still depressed, I will probably kill myself. Am I a loser for being like this for so long?

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clinical depression is a mental illness. a psychiatric diagnosis. clinical depression is not a choice. clinical depression is not a moral flaw. clinical depression is not a misdemeanor or felony.

the word "loser" is vague. ambiguous. look up online, the dictionary definition of "loser".

anyone that tells you you are a "loser" is insulting you.

anyone that tells you you are a winner, is patronzing you. they are condescending and judgmental. they act like their opinion is of absolute importance.

get a counselor.

talk to a psychiatrist about psych meds.

get a support group.

put more emphasis on the positive. use a larger definition of good.

sleep enough. eat healthfully. drink a lot of water. and et cetera.

meditate

I literally can't stop thinking about how I don't have a girlfriend, none of my dreams have come true, my hair is thinning at an early age, exercise never gave me a good body, my friendship circle shrinks every passing year, I was born to a f****d up culture, and I have no talents. I can't escape from these thoughts no matter what I do and I can't derive any creativity from my pain.

Spent my entire teens onwards depressed. In fact, puberty seemed to be the milestone my mind was waiting for to really hit rock bottom, and keep falling from there.
I hate being who I am sometimes, and the negative thoughts get so strong that it takes huge effort to see even the tiniest glimmer of hope. I had such an episode recently that sent me to A&E. Parts of my body are extremely scarred from over a decade of violent self-harm.
This last time was a bit of a wake-up moment: I honestly think I laboured under the belief that depression gets better - and stays that way, but it really doesn't. Perhaps it does for some, maybe. It's a lifetime commitment for me, I realise. I hope when I hit 30 I'm still here. Not because I think my thoughts/take on life will be any less pessimistic, but because I want to go out fighting, not giving in.

I literally can't stop thinking about how I don't have a girlfriend, none of my dreams have come true, my hair is thinning at an early age, exercise never gave me a good body, my friendship circle shrinks every passing year, I was born to a f****d up culture, and I have no talents. I can't escape from these thoughts no matter what I do and I can't derive any creativity from my pain.
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maybe you will meet a girlfriend later.

thus far, the prospects that you have interacted with might not have been a good match for you. for whatever reason. that does not necessarily follow that there is some flaw in your character. the same personality characteristic, that makes someone reject you, could make someone else want you.

thus far none of your dreams have come true.

maybe they will come true later.

likewise though. even if your dreams do not come true, then you ought to reconsider some more attainable goals. for example, when i was young, i wanted to be academically smart. a Structural Engineer. and skinny. and handsome. but of course, those things are way too unnatural. brute effort failed in getting me there. but hey. ugly fat and stupid, life still goes on. the solar system contains plenty of ugly fat stupid precious lil "people". and they have legal rights, emotions, relationships. the whole nine yards.

it is not your fault your hair is thinning. that is not a character flaw. if you want, take Rogaine.

but appearances are superficial. sure, precious lil "people" judge based on appearances. but they have big egos and you should not believe what they tell you.

you can make more friends.

however the precious lil "people" that have a lot of friends have an extroverted. outgoing. Judgmental. personality. they are the type that fit in everywhere they go. they say everything that goes through their brains. there are a lot of precious lil "people" just like them.

different does not mean factually inaccurate or morally wrong.

but difference makes it inconvenient to interact with. many times it is just not worth the energy required to figure out how to reconcile differences.

yeah i got that problem b/c i am so different. the good kids ignored me. and the other ones bullied me. big deal. they did not do anything illegal. oh wait yes they did. physical assault is illegal. but whatever. now i am 34 years old.

you did not choose where you were born.

you might have talents that you are not aware of. there could be some skill that you have never attempted before that you are inherently. naturally good at. prodigy.

having said that, it is also correct that not everyone has the same total amount of talent.

for example me.

academically not smart. flunked structural engineering
socially awkward. autistic
physically. weak, despite walking deities knows how far
too fat. despite anal retentively eating more or less healthy merchandise
no job
no job skills

You've been tormented by depression and have to handle being autistic, you're still breathing and achieving small things each day you probably don't even acknowledge, doesn't sound like a loser to me, have to put things into perspective and not hold yourself to external standards that really are not useful.

My therapist thinks my biggest struggle is extreme thinking. My mind tends to get stuck on certain things and will loop chronically until I either tire from the stress or go to sleep.

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Talk to your therapist about dichotomous thinking and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

and stress management

some articles claim that autistics tend to see things in black and white only. no shades of gray. while neurotypicals see things in shades of gray.

actually, i find that i tend to see things in shades of gray too often. be too receptive. and that is just as bad as being too judgmental.

I have no trouble seeing shades of gray. I know plenty of NTs who only see black and white because it fits their paradigm; Bible Belt religious brainwashing will do that to you. Unfortunately, some aspies fall victim to that brainwashing. I did but I managed to overcome it.

As clinical depression is an illness, medication should alleviate your symptoms and reduce your OCD and co-morbid conditions. You deserve to live the best life you can so I hope you can get some medical advice.

I know what you mean. They teach the prosperity gospel as well - where they teach that there's something wrong if you aren't mega-rich. They also teach that it's wrong to be different in any way e.g. if you're gay, lesbian, transgender, autistic, depressed etc then they tend to reject you and refuse to understand it or learn more about it. They prefer to blame "demons" instead of a chemical imbalance, genetic issue or whatever the true cause is. So much easier for them than doing a bit of research.