I thought I knew

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I thought I knew what friendship was. I know I'm not good at it but I thought it was a feeling. A feeling certain people have that put you at ease and allowed you to just be yourself without worrying how you may come across and the possibility of experiencing pleasure in those moments.
I think I was wrong and I've had 37 years to figure it out. What now? Anything?
I fear that any intelligence or skill I may hold is merely a tool for the success of others.
What now?

What's going on? Were you just rejected by someone?