Aspergers but really no routines

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Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a kid. I have many of the issues of Aspergers, but I don't have any routines which is really weird since everyone here seems to have them.

It's quite the opposite, I wish I HAD some routines, since I don't even have the routines neurotypicals have. E.g. I don't manage to go to bed at roughly the same time everyday (sometimes I will obsess about something so badly I can't go to bed, or I'm just not tired enough), I don't have regular dinner times (I can only eat when I'm hungry, also I often forget to eat something, again executive function disorder, bad planning and obsessing about other things, unable to shift from one activity to the next). There are no things I do on a regular schedule. I will go to the supermarket whenever I need something or when I happen to come across one. My room is really chaotic and mostly I clean it up when someone is about to visit me. When I'm not going to work, I won't even know the day of the week (except shops are closed on Sundays, which I also tend to forget sometimes). I don't do things in a particular order, more the opposite: When cooking noodles, I sometimes forget to pour the salt into the pot and have to do it later on. I have no bathroom routine so I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. I don't have any particular order for dressing up. I tend to use the same routes all over again, but that's just because my sense of orientation is really, really bad so I easily get lost. At university, I would do nothing for weeks and then learn anything within a few really long days; that failed at doing things regularly, I just couldn't do it.

I really thought hard about if there was anything that would qualify as a routine. When I'm stressed, I have obsessive negative thoughts, I do obsessive googling to the point where I can't do anything else, but these are not routines, this is just obsessive behavior. I hate being interrupted, but again this is more the activity shifting problem and not some routine.

I seem to be unable to develop any kind of routine because this would mean I could let go off what I was currently doing, let go off my obsession. Even if I forcefully try to set up one (like following a list what do do before leaving home), I will feel really stressed about it, like the routine was some heavy extra task I had to manage, even though I know it would help me being less chaotic.

Is there anyone having this problem, too? Is this some kind of ADD behavior? How can I get some healthy routines?

(sry no native speaker)

Edit: I DO order the same meal(s) in restaurants every time. But that's mostly because my food range is quite limited (vegetarian and there's many foods I don't like), so I'm not so much into experimenting. On the other hand, I'm really open to new music (more like obsessed with discovering new songs), to books, movies, events and the likes.

I've always liked Antigone; she's a strong woman.

I feel, as long as your "lack of routine" doesn't interfere with you making a living, and living a life, that there's nothing too wrong with it, per se. I can understand you feeling unsettled by it all.

I tend to be the opposite: I tend to adhere too much to "routine."

Haha, thank you

But the lack of routine IS getting in the way. Because I forget my keys, I'm always late, I'm often hungry and thus in bad mood when I shouldn't, I can't get up in the morning because I don't have fixed bed times and not bedtime routine, my flat is a mess... about making a living, I was recently fired, but that had mostly other reasons I guess (even though being late and being too messy certainly contributed).

I have to say, however, that when I'm focused on something like programming, I'm quite eager to stick to the task and to follow some rules.

So, yeah, more routines would definitely help me

...


I wonder how those with executive function disorder can keep their routines? E.g. say you are really, really immersed in your special interest. You are about to discover something new and you are really obsessed and excited and "in the flow". You don't want to stop what you are currently doing. How are you able to follow a routine like having dinner at 6 PM? I mean, wouldn't this interrupt what you are currently doing?

Were you fired from a programming job?

Yep...forgetting your keys, being late, having a messy apartment-----room for improvement. But don't beat yourself up over it. It's probably a situation where you should improve your "executive functioning." We Spectrumites tend to have trouble with that.

LOL....I forgot my keys the other day! And had to take a cab home, retrieve the keys, then go to work (I was 10 minutes late). I used to be pretty messy---but I've improved a little. My wife doesn't think so, though.

I've been on my same job almost 37 years, by the way.

We Spectrumites also tend to be inspired in doing what we like, but really seek to avoid doing what we don't like. I'm the same way! I don't like to "deep clean." I'd rather try to avoid it by not leaving out the dishes too long.

"Were you fired from a programming job?"
Yes, but not for my work (they couldn't find anything negative about that), but because of attitude and behavior. I had never expected this, since programmers are SO much sought after here (somewhere in Europe...)

"I'd rather try to avoid it by not leaving out the dishes too long."
I used to leave the dishes out so long that they would get moldy. Only solution was to buy a dishwasher

In what way is your attitude "bad?" Do you not like to say Hi to people? Do you find "social routines" to be absurd?

I'm a relatively "social" person for an Aspie/Autistic, and I understand the reasoning behind "social routines." But many Spectrumites believe they are a waste of time.

I hope you find another programming job soon---or, better yet, are able to obtain a programming job where you can work from home.

I was told I was being too negative, complaining too much about stuff like the software framework we were using. I was bringing everyone's mood down (I found my sarcastic remarks funny, but my (technically) "supervisor" didn't). I read afterwards that on employment probation you shouldn't try to improve processes in the company but rather keep your moth shut. I should have read that before.... Also there were things like I didn't have lunch with my colleges since it was way to early in the day for me, I didn't like the food, I found it to be way to expensive, nobody would be interested in me anyway and stuff like that. So I guess that left a very bad impression.

Yes, I say hay to people.
I also buy my friends birthday presents (I love doing that!) and call them when they're feeling bad and hug them when I meet them (also enjoying that). I'm better when the situation is not forced, like when I really like people, I will smile at them and we bond and have a good time.
At workplace, everything seemed so forced :/

Last edited by anti_gone on 18 Jul 2017, 9:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

"I hope you find another programming job soon---or, better yet, are able to obtain a programming job where you can work from home."
Thank you! Finding one is not really difficult over here. Just have to manage to keep it

Yep...that's true. Wait until you established at the job before you make suggestions as to how to improve things. Or expose your sense of humor.

It's not because you're not smart---it's a problem with the egos of bosses, mainly.

I guess you should bring a sandwich or something---something light, for those lunch gatherings. You don't have to eat with these people all the time---just some of the time.

I can't guess where you're located---but I'm wondering, for some reason, if you're located in a place like Poland or Hungary. Or Greece (Antigone!) I've never been to Poland or Hungary, but I've been to Greece.

"It's not because you're not smart---it's a problem with the egos of bosses, mainly. "
Yes, I guess he somehow knew I was better than him in some aspects, so that bothered him a lot.

"Wait until you established at the job "
It's just six months here (probation), so after that it's really difficult to fire me...except I steal the computers or something like that or never show up for weeks. So it's just six months of keeping my mouth shut.

"I guess you should bring a sandwich or something---something light, for those lunch gatherings. You don't have to eat with these people all the time---just some of the time. ".
It was some kind of canteen (?) where you have to buy food and cannot bring your own food...but you are right, I should have done that once in a week or so.

"I can't guess where you're located---but I'm wondering, for some reason, if you're located in a place like Poland or Hungary."
No. My country is rich, especially the city I live in. I'm quite privileged, fortunately. I don't think there are as many jobs in Poland or Hungary so I really shouldn't complain. I'm really sought after here as a programmer, I just have to learn how to behave correctly.

Why did you reckon that...?

Antigone? I read that piece by Sophokles at school. I learned Ancient Greek there Really useless, if you think about it.

I have been to Greece twice, but never to Poland or Hungary.

It was just a sense I had...

From what you've just said, it can be just about anywhere. It can be Dubai. It can be Singapore. It can be Bangalore, the IT Capital of India.

There's lots of use to Greek history. There's lots of use to using Antigone as sort of a model. She is a strong woman with many admirable qualities.

Not many people know how influenced people west of Asia, north of Africa, and east of the Pacific Ocean, are by Greek/Roman history.

That influence was quite tangible until the early 20th century.

If you don't want me to try to guess your location, I shall comply.

Ok, so let's not make a mystery out of it, it's not like anyone is gonna recognize me because of that:
Germany. One of the big cities

Not every autistic person has routines. The diagnostic criteria—restricted, repetitive, and/or stereotyped behaviors—can be satisfied with other traits.

Thank you, starkid.

I definitely have some repetitive patterns... like when I'm obsessed about some question (like "can aspies be happy") I will google this and I will read ALL websites I can find both in English and my mother tongue till there are no more search results left. It's not something that makes me feel good, it makes anxiety even worse.

Routines seem to be for coping, but the obsessions don't help me coping :/