Getting 'Cut Off' When Speaking/ Being talked about

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This has happened to me a few times, usually when talking to my mother. When I say something, or try to initiate a conversation, and she interrupts me to talk to someone else, or turns her head and looks/walks away.

Several times, when I visit my mother, when I'm using the restroom or in another room, she and my sisters and half sister would talk in a whispering tone, and then once I enter the room, everyone stops talking abruptly. Then someone would start a different conversation. I read on Psychology today somewhere, can't remember the article name at the moment, that this usually means people are talking about you, or something they don't want you to know about.

Has this ever happened to any of you? If so, how do you deal with this?

Thanks so much for any help in advance.

Happens to me all the Time with my mom and sister. They will be whispering and then stop when I enter the room. When I confront them they tell me that "you always think people are talking about you!"

I find people in general interrupt me all the time or talk over me./cut me off. Not sure if I'm the problem or if people are just rude. People complain I don't talk enough but It seem every time I try that happens.

Your mother is rude for cutting you off and walking away mid conversation, and she likely keeps doing it because no one has called her on it.

As far as the whispering goes, yes, they are likely talking about you. This seems to be common in some families.

This happened so often when I was a child that I actually really wondered about it; I vividly remember it happening so much it annoyed me and preyed on my mind. All the grownups would abruptly stop talking as soon as I came into the room.

However, it may not necessarily be because they were talking about me; grownups talk about all kinds of grownup things they know a little kid's ears aren't ready to hear about.

That's when you are a kid -- as an adult I've had it happen too, though. And yes, a lot of those times I do suspect it was me they were talking about. It's happened in a workplace, and it happens now in the building where I live. There is a "common room" where the gossipy tenants tend to gather (lots of retired people in my building as it was formerly only for pension-age people until they lowered the age). The glass door opens on to the lobby where they can see who is coming and going, and everyone shushes when they see me, then as I pass on, I hear whispers start up. Bunch of as*holes.

As for generally being cut off in conversation --- this happens to me ALLLLLL the time!! !! ! It's a huge thing for me.

I don't seem to be talking in the accepted "rhythm" of the locals, because apparently you're just supposed to talk in an endless sentence and not even pause for breath.

Every time I just pause for breath, pause to think of the word I'm looking for, or pause for a normal effect to break up my sentence, like I would do if I were reading what I just typed and used the comma as a pausing moment, I get interrupted! It's like people here think any pause means "I'm DONE!" and it's their turn. Even if it comes in the middle of a sentence that is clearly not done at all yet. It is driving me crazy.

I have a friend who talks in a massive stream very fast and without pauses, and as I talk more relaxed and with pauses, she uses every pause as the reason to start her own stream again. She also talks RIGHT OVER me even while I'm still speaking. She finishes my sentences even though she often gets it wrong and I wasn't about to say that at all.

Another friend keeps going "Right," "yeah" "right," "yeah" "okay" when I even just take a breath in a sentence. That seriously messes with my brain, and I do really mean my synapses are firing all over the place because every time he interrupts with these "assuring you I'm listening" words, my brain freezes into "I have to process HIS voice now" and I lose the thread of what I'm trying to say. I wish he would just remain silent while I get one sentence out, instead of:

"So when my mother had what your mother had"
"Right"
"I wasn't really..."
"Right"
"Um, I wasn't worried so much as. . ."
"Right"
"...thinking about Dad because,"
"Right"

--- AAAGH! Just let me speak my turn and get out one bloody sentence of my thoughts and THEN you respond, plleeeeeeaaaasssse......

Yes, I have had that and it doesn't necessarily mean that they are talking about you . Sometimes it could be other things too.
1.When people stop talking when you sit down, it's a very rude hint of them not wanting you around or whatever they are talking about is none of your business because they don't like you.

2. The whispering also doesn't mean that they could be talking about you necessarily. It could mean that they are talking about some serious situations among the family and may get the idea that since you have autism that you have a disability think you may not understand the issues they are discussing. As you know, autism is looked at is a 'Disability' these days.

As for your mother interrupting you, are you going on and on about a certain subject with lots of details? There are lots of people who don't want to hear detail after detail about this or that.

If they are talking about you, maybe pull them to the side without accusing them or so I have recently learned.
1. Ask your mother- "I notice that you interrupt me whenever I talk to you. Do you feel like I dominating the conversation?" If she gives you an excuse you can tell her "I really feel like you never seem to value what I say."

2. Ask your mother and sister "Are you having a hard time understanding what the definition of Asperger's Syndrome is? I notice that you seem to talk about certain things when I am not in the room but when I enter the conservations stop. Do you feel like I would not understand something because I have a label?" If she give you a yes, then I would get them some positive information on autism/Asperger's the next time you walk into the room. Perhaps give them the movie "Temple Grandin" just to prove that you see the world differently than they do.

3. Tell them "I notice that you seem to whisper when I am in the bathroom but when I come out, you either stop talking or change the subject. Is there something that I am doing that's bothering you? If so, you don't have to keep it from me. I feel that what you are doing is rude and I would appreciate it if you valued me too because I am not a doormat."

I've had abusive relatives act that way towards me.
I've had to limit the amount of contact I have with them.

If it happens once, it's an accident.
If it's a habit, it could be emotional or psychological abuse.

That said, there are in fact more innocent reasons for why people interrupt.

Sometimes I interrupt because
A) if I don't, I'll be completely left out of the conversation
B) if I don't, I won't be able to remember what you're saying (due to my autism)
C) it was an accident ... I didn't mean to cut you off, but being autistic, I failed to pick up on your social cues and as a result, I mistakenly thought you were done speaking

Here's the difference ... if I interrupt you, I'm willing to apologize and give you a chance to talk and be heard.
When an abusive person interrupts, they try to make you feel guilty, because they were trying to hurt you on purpose.

Thank you so much everyone who responded! I definitely feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that has had this experience. I greatly appreciate everyone sharing their experiences.

Just to give some background, I am not able to say much before getting cut off, so it isn't that I'm talking too much. I have not brought up this specific issue with my mother, but whenever I have tried calling her out in the past, she would immediately deny it, or turn it into an argument. Or if she apologizes, its like I'm sorry you feel that way, and that's it. No real change in behavior actually happens.

If I bring this up with her, the same thing is very likely to happen. I can try confronting her about it the very next time it happens but not in an accusing tone, just more in the lines of, what did I do to you? as Summer_Twilight suggested.
Im sure nothing would actually come of it, but there's no harm in trying I suppose.

Thanks again beautiful people!

It seems that if I speak up in a group, 9 times out of 10 somebody else happens to say something at exactly the same time, sometimes the same thing I'm saying! But I notice that everybody's looking at the other person who spoke the same time as me, and answering to them. Sometimes I even feel people are thinking "shut up Joe90". So now I've just got to sit quietly in a group until someone specifically talks to me, which is not what the rules should be.

Hey Joe90 , that has happened to me too and it really sucks. Like, that was definitely my idea, and other people are getting credit for it.

Over the years, I learned to speak louder (I think more obnoxiously) and that seems to get people's attention. IF anyone has a problem with it, they haven't said it to my face yet.

Icechai:

Thank you for your kind words about me being a beautiful soul which indicates that you yourself are a beautiful soul.

I would like to mention that I recently learned something else about people who gossip about others when they aren't around. People who do those kinds of things have something about themselves that they don't like and are often very unhappy. It sounds like your mother and sister are very unhappy people.

Anyone who interrupts you like that probably feels insecure around you and will do what they can to sabotage any act of you possibly outshining them in any way. I am sure that you aren't the only person that she snubs when you try to have a conversation with her.

Regarding her getting offended with you for confronting her behavior, that's a sign that she's either guilty for treating you like that and is too proud of admit it or she's so lost in her own little world that she's unaware of it. Either way, you have to feel sorry for her because again, she's an unhappy person.

People have done that to me many times. Sometimes I feel like it is a battle to get a word in edgewise with people. This one girl I know always has to dominate group conversations and make everything a competition. I try to jump in the conversation when I can because I don't want to be forgotten and left out. People say I should talk more, but it's hard when I have to deal with conversation dominators. People love to do the whispering thing right in front of me. I have dealt with people who will only interact with me when no one else is around and even then the interaction is limited sometimes. I pretty much steer clear of these types of people if I can.

Women whispering secrets is definitely rude.

Lol, I have seen men whisper secrets about other people. It's actually called gossip.

Now in terms of my situation, I don't give other people a chance to interrupt me because I tend to dominate the conversation and tell people like it is being that I am straight forward and out spoken.

Now, I have heard people whisper about me while being nice to my face but that's because they are afraid of me because of those two traits of mine. I have learned those most of those people have insecurities about themselves along with not understanding my situation.

For example, there were people who I went to school with who were friendly to my face but talked about me behind my back along with excluding me from getting together due to learning that they didn't like me. One time I ran into two of them at the beginning of a school year in a transition program. Though they appeared to be friendly, they quickly started whispering. Why they were so bad that they were making fun of me for waving at them. "She waved at us. That idiot!"

Looks like a dominance issue. Do you feel you have to shout to be heard or noticed?

That happens to me all the time, too. Even if I don't pause for any reason, they still do it sometimes. And my voice isn't loud enough to be heard over other people talking, so I have to wait for them to stop. This usually happens to me when I haven't gotten to say that much during the conversation. It feels like everyone else wants to have a conversation without me, and they're annoyed when I try to chime in and try to just get on with their conversation at the slightest opportunity. If I complain about it, all I get is "Well, I thought you were done," even if I was clearly mid-sentence, or even mid-word - it makes me think they weren't even paying any attention to what I was saying. I know my speech rhythm is off and I tend to have more pauses than most people, but oftentimes it's obvious from what I said (or didn't say yet) that I was mid-sentence. Also, especially with my family, it seems like somehow everyone knows exactly when someone else is going to stop talking, except me, and they start talking immediately afterward, and if I have anything to say, by the time I can get a word in, the conversation has moved on to something else. All of this is very frustrating. And then my family complains that I don't talk much. Gee, I wonder why that could be

@SilverProteus I speak fairly loudly, so I can be heard. In terms of dominance, it could be that my mother is trying to retain her role as someone that controls each of her children's lives, and if she is unable to successfully do that, its upsetting for her. I was disowned by my father at 18 for being a lesbian, so I had to leave my parents' home and make a lot of choices on my own to survive. Most choices she doesn't seem to be too happy with, like my partner.

@Summer_Twilight Those sound like some seriously ugly "friends", I'm so sorry you had to waste time out of your life dealing with them.

Most of my "friends" stopped talking to me completely for either one of two reasons, the first of which I told them what my boundaries where, and I didn't feel like being a doormat anymore. They unfriended me on FB. The ones that were left I guess hung around out of pity, and were the type of people who only reach out when they want a favor, or want to vent their problems on you, or brag to you about how successful they are, and how great everything is going for them, but never ask how or what you're doing. When I got diagnosed with depression and psychosis, those straggly "friends" also magically poofed. I had a couple of mental breakdowns, for other reasons mostly, and spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital alone, no visits from the fam or friends.

@dragonsanddemons Sounds like your family could use some empathy, or theory of mind! How would they like being constantly interrupted? That's really irritating.

Thanks again everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it!