Hi Rukkus,
I'm really sorry to hear you are in such a place right now..
I will take your word for it when you say that your circumstances are something you cannot escape.
But first, I want to ask you, how was your life 2 years before this in comparison to now? Was it something that felt more hopeful? How much control did you feel in comparison to now?
It's very good that you are at least willing to seek support here,
I wish you all the best