Need advice from parents

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Hi, I'm a long time member here, although I don't come much any more. I am an adult woman with Autism. I'm wondering if some parents of Autistic kids might help me.

THere is a park near where I live and these 4 year old twins (boy and girl) come. I met them first a year ago, they were on the swings and both screaming for so loud and long I was afraid they were being abused. When I asked the caretaker, she told me they are Autistic. I didn't meet them that day, but fast forward they somehow found me (I really don't even remember how becuase I just go there and sit in a corner and read).

THey are SO CUTE. I really enjoy these children. They are very social and speaking better as they get older. However, in the last month, the little boy has started to get very aggressive. His sister loves to draw letters and pictures on my iPad and while she is doing this he will jump on top of me and hug me, but then he starts yanking my head very hard and it hurts. If I tell him to stop he just laughs. His babysistter is usually on the other end of the park.

Yesterday, in an attempt to get him to stop, I took him to the swings and swung him. His sister stayed with another older girl that they have also adopted on the playground (babysitter still on other side of park). THe older girl brought the sister over to the swings, then turned her back for a split second and the sister jumped toward us and almost got hit by her swinging brother.

I don't know what to do about this all. I love the kids and enjoy spending time with them, but I am afraid something is going to happen and I will get blamed. Or he will hurt me. Once he grabbed my glasses and went running around the park with them, luckily didn't break them.

I think if I keep taking him to the swings, I will be rewarding him for bad behavior.

Does anybody have any advice? I know if it was your kid, you'd want them to be treated right (although you probably wouldn't leave your kids in the hands of strangers in the park while your babysitter ignores them).

Have you ever met the parents of those kids?

If they're autistic, they are certainly "high-functioning."

I don't think these kids mean any harm; they have to learn boundaries, though.

How do you set boundaries? How do you tell them to stop when they get too wild?

My advice is to take steps to prevent them and you from being hurt. Perhaps, if the babysitter and parents are litigious types, record what goes on, so you can defend yourself.

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TBH, I know they are cute, but the babysitter is who is being paid to watch them. I doubt the parents would be thrilled with what is going on. If it were me, I would want to know that the person I hired to watch my kids was not watching my kids and was allowing strangers whom I never vetted to care for them. I know you mean well, but the caretaker has no idea who you are and the fact that she is allowing this is alarming b/c what if she does that and one day it ends up being someone dangerous.

I don't know what to tell you in terms of how to deal with this if you do not know the kids' parents. I guess tell the caretaker that these kids should be watched more carefully, and then I don't know at what point you should notify authorities b/c that seems like overkill.

It's so sweet that you and these children have such a positive relationship. That is wonderful. But, they are not your responsibility. Anything you do for them is out of the kindness of your heart- it is the babysitter's responsibility to monitor them and their behavior.

So,any time that their behavior got out of hand, I would walk th back to where the babysitter is. Any time you got tired of playing or talking, I would walk them back over to the babysitter. Basically, there is no reason why they should be out of his/her care for any length of time. I wouldn't worry about how to change the boy's behavior. That could get you into trouble if you say, lectured him or used a method that his parents didn't approve of. Instead, as I mentioned before, I would send them back to their parent approved monitor.

If the babysitter isn't watching them it isn't the kids' fault, so make sure they are safe until the babysitter or the parents come back... and yes, they need to learn boundaries! Tell the boy why he shouldn't be physically aggressive like that; they sound like they're verbal. Explain how you can have so much more fun together when he isn't doing that. If he still does it, maybe don't take him to the swings? If he doesn't do it any more, reward him.

4 year old boys test limits. It is what they do.

If he is getting too physically aggressive, tell "Stop. You are hugging too hard." etc. Once out of the situation tell him that you need him to be more gentle or that you will have to stop allowing him to be physically near you at all. Tell him the rule is that you are only allowed to touch each other if you can do it nicely and gently (to be consistent, this will mean you can't engage in any rough play, either).

Similar with the glasses, etc. "We don't take other people's things." "We don't joke in that way." "If you can't follow the rules we can't play together."

Often he won't realize that he is being so aggressive. Calming tell him. "That hug is too hard."

While it is true their behavior is not your responsibility, you have every right to set rules for how they act towards you or while with you.