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Simon01
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22 Jul 2017, 6:30 pm

Not in denial, but rather taking a really good look at my own situation and experiences vs.what I've read about aspie traits.

There are a lot of things I can relate to but at the same time there are major differences, and some traits I don't exhibit at all.

I'm still awaiting a definitive answer about whether or not I'm on the spectrum. I've avoided self-diagnosing and have simply explored the possibility based on what I've had to deal with and seeing the similarities with Asperger traits.

Problems with social skills: Very real for me, however, rather than it being an ongoing problem enough to always get me into trouble, I actually have always had friends, and only have had problems with handful of people over the years who did have a problem with me and my slightly out of synch ways of interacting with people and dealing with social situations. What *did* become a problem was when the occasional honest mistake or social faux pax got grossly exaggerated into a far worse issue merely because someone had zero tolerance for minor quirks or unusual interests being talked about. And these "problems" weren't even on the radar until I was 12 or so, and even then, it seemed like I was being forced to placate a few ignorant people rather than me having a real problem interacting with peers or adults. As a teen and later an adult, I got along well with most people, but had to deal with my parents acting as if I was one step away from serious trouble at school or with some other authority figures simply because I had weird but harmless interests or perhaps didn't act 100% my age all the time. So here, I can't tell if this is still an aspie experience or if it's something unique to me and not related to possibly being on the spectrum.

Missing social cues: Unfortunately a problem, and when I was younger probably worse than it is now, but it was never so bad that I missed anything obvious. Where I've run into trouble has been where it seemed that the missed social cue was so subtle that even paying close attention and "reading" a situation the best I can, I end up trying to figure out if I really missed something that was more obvious than I thought or if the offended person is just making things up. One example I've encountered too often seems to taking a situation at face value only to get confronted later for being clueless about said gathering- attending a party or informal get-together but told later that I ruined a solemn occasion or crashing a party that I was invited to, when at the time there was no indication of anything else except the "event" as advertised, so to speak. So here, am I more clueless than I think I am, or just having a lot of bad luck over simple misunderstandings?

Executive functioning: I've always had difficulty focusing on certain tasks, whether it's important work, mundane daily tasks, or even some leisure activities. When it comes to some tasks, it's not laziness or lack of motivation, but rather not being able to start unless I know said task can be completed in a reasonable amount of time in a way that makes logical sense. I don't have a problem with rules, routine, or minutiae, if they're a legitimate part of a bigger endeavor, but it's a huge source of stress when there's important work to be done and someone is trying to add unnecessary details and steps, or the rules and routine becomes more important than the actual work at hand. Just me, or an aspie thing?

Special interests: Here I freely admit to being into things more than an NT person might be. However, like with the social skills, once you take away a small group of people having issues with my interests, they've never been that big of a problem. I do come on too strong sometimes and sometimes my enthusiasm gets out of hand, but usually the worst that happens is someone calls me out on it and I apologize and just take a step back and try to be careful next time. The supposed problems seem to have always been exaggerated- I can understand parents or other people getting upset if I were watching sci fi shows or reading space books all the time, but too many times, I've gotten the message that any time spent doing those things is too much, or having free time to enjoy those interests is a bad thing. As a kid, usually all that needed to be done was a teacher getting me outside the confort zone to read about some other topics, or learning to let myself enjoy the usual children's stories even it they weren't space related, and as I got older, I just got better at expanding my interests, and also making an honest effort to see why other people were equally passionate about their favorite things. As a teen, and later an adult, most of the time the only "conflict" was good-natured razzing among friends about talking too much about favorite music or TV shows. But in parallel with that, I seem to run afoul of people who get really nasty about my geeky interests in a way that them being one "hater" sort of overshadows the otherwise positive experiences I've had regarding my interests. A Apsie problem or just me?

Sensory issue: here's something I really relate to. I've always had problems with noises, bright lights, and being touched, as well as with certain textures. However, I don't have a total meltdown the moment something sets me off. I actually have a tolerance level and can cope up to a certain point before I *must* do something to mitigate the problem. I've always just worn sunglasses more than most people (and where I live the sun in the summer is like going outside as the sun goes nova), and some room lights are irritating. I also would get headaches around CRT monitors if the room lights were too dim. Noises don't cause a meltdown immediately, but I've always had to have headphone on with music playing to help me focus and relax if either I needed to block out loud or irritating sounds or if there was nothing going on at the moment. In regards to touch, I can handle someone casually coming up and getting close to chat, or a hug or a handshake, but absolutely hate it when someone seems intent on pushing their way into my space or trying to stand way too close to me. And I've worked around the texture problem by simply being selective, but not too picky, about my clothes. I do get overloaded at times and either talk too much or go nonverbal to help myself process the situation better.

Food: I tend to eat the same things a lot, but I'm not sure if that's an aspie thing or just a matter of convenience.

Perceived lack of maturity: this is something I can relate to, but it's hard to tell if I really am somehow less mature than other people my age or just have the bad luck of sometimes getting hit with unfair criticism because a few people think it's weird that someone my age likes geeky things and doesn't get all that excited about boring everyday things vs. one's special interests. When I was younger, supposed immaturity was being bandied about but it seemed that it was more about someone being bothered that I'd hit a certain age and not suddenly give up certain things or suddenly start doing arbitrary "age appropriate" things. I've always been defensive about it because I've seen too many times where someone tries to equate geeky interests when one is older or not acting 100% their age as proof of intellectual or cognitive disabilities. At the same time, I've run into resistance *because* someone thought I was the R-word if I was acting older in some way- reading above grade level, being too interested with something more "grown up" in relation to my actual age at the time. Even when I was legitimately pursuing something totally age appropriate, the assumption that I'm really a child playing grown up still sometimes happened. I've never been sure exactly what causes that.

Pardon the lost post. And I'm not suddenly deciding I'm not an aspie because of the challenges. I just want to be sure I'm on the right track pursuing a diagnosis, whatever that ultimately might be, and not trying to glom on to something.



StampySquiddyFan
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22 Jul 2017, 7:18 pm

Ah, the doubting stage!

The fact of the matter is: you don't need to have every single trait of autism to have autism. The fact that you doubt yourself probably means you are on to something. I think pursuing a diagnosis is a wise idea, especially if you need support. All of what you write seems as if you are over analyzing the situation (not trying to be rude, I just know from past experience that what you write seems very over-analytical). You sound exactly like me with what you write lol. I would advise to keep on pushing for a diagnosis, and for now just take a break from going over your situation. You seem to know you have pretty significant symptoms based on what you write, so I would recommend just concentrating on being fine, whatever the outcome of the assessment is :D .

I hope this helps- I've been in the same place you are right now :D .


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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!

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EzraS
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22 Jul 2017, 8:09 pm

Autism is just a hoax invented by the Chinese.
But seriously my autism often makes no sense to me. There's so many inconsistencies. Things that seem to be so contradictory.



Valinbean
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24 Jul 2017, 9:54 am

I'm in the same boat right now. I think I am autistic, surely I must be, but I really have no idea other than that my parents say I'm "on the spectrum".
I've always had sensory issues: my parents have stories of terrible tantrums as a child every time they tried to cloth me, especially with constrictive clothing. I still can only wear certain materials and nothing too tight; I am very picky about what I wear. Loud noises bother me, even though I have spent about 9 months staffing a rifle and shotgun range for boy scouts (I was, in part, trying to see if constant exposure would help; it didn't). I still flinch at every sudden loud noise and avoid using loud machinery almost at all costs (I live and work on a ranch, so this can be difficult). And I always seem to have slightly more of an aversion to bright light than most people.

As far as social issues go it's hard to tell because I was homeschooled on an isolated ranch most of my life so of course I'm a bit... off to most people. I also haven't actually had many opportunities to even try to socialize and my family is nothing to go by because they are all social outcasts in their own ways too.
I insisted on going to public school for 6th grade and stayed in until I sort of "dropped out" to be "homeschooled" for 11th grade and then "graduated" a semester later so I could be a full time student at a nearby community college. In this time in a somewhat social setting I managed to get one freind who I still hang out with regularly, although it is still an awquard friendship. I'm pretty sure she's only freinds with me because she felt sorry for me, but it's hard to tell.

As for "obsessing" over a certain topic: I guess I do that in a way. My topic would definitely be Agriculture, but that includes such a wide range of subjects, almost all of which I am extremely interested in, that I'm not sure it counts. On top of that there are other subjects that I am interested in, just not to the same extent as I am for agriculture.

Eh, the more I go back over what I've just written, the more certain I am that I must be autistic, but some feedback would be beneficial I think so I'll stop here...



13quant13
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24 Jul 2017, 10:18 am

Valinbean wrote:
I'm in the same boat right now. I think I am autistic, surely I must be, but I really have no idea other than that my parents say I'm "on the spectrum".
I've always had sensory issues: my parents have stories of terrible tantrums as a child every time they tried to cloth me, especially with constrictive clothing. I still can only wear certain materials and nothing too tight; I am very picky about what I wear. Loud noises bother me, even though I have spent about 9 months staffing a rifle and shotgun range for boy scouts (I was, in part, trying to see if constant exposure would help; it didn't). I still flinch at every sudden loud noise and avoid using loud machinery almost at all costs (I live and work on a ranch, so this can be difficult). And I always seem to have slightly more of an aversion to bright light than most people.

As far as social issues go it's hard to tell because I was homeschooled on an isolated ranch most of my life so of course I'm a bit... off to most people. I also haven't actually had many opportunities to even try to socialize and my family is nothing to go by because they are all social outcasts in their own ways too.
I insisted on going to public school for 6th grade and stayed in until I sort of "dropped out" to be "homeschooled" for 11th grade and then "graduated" a semester later so I could be a full time student at a nearby community college. In this time in a somewhat social setting I managed to get one freind who I still hang out with regularly, although it is still an awquard friendship. I'm pretty sure she's only freinds with me because she felt sorry for me, but it's hard to tell.

As for "obsessing" over a certain topic: I guess I do that in a way. My topic would definitely be Agriculture, but that includes such a wide range of subjects, almost all of which I am extremely interested in, that I'm not sure it counts. On top of that there are other subjects that I am interested in, just not to the same extent as I am for agriculture.

Eh, the more I go back over what I've just written, the more certain I am that I must be autistic, but some feedback would be beneficial I think so I'll stop here...


Homeschooled autistic person reporting here! I was homeschooled from 1st grade all the way through high school. I am by no means a socially savvy person, but at this point, I've had a lot of social experiences.

Homeschooling definitely allows you to be more isolated than you would be if you were in a public school. My interests all the way up until about 14 were radically different than anyone else's. When people would talk, I would usually not know what they were talking about, and thus have nothing to say; in the rare instances where I did think of something to say, I'd normally be too afraid to say it.

You can learn social skills to some degree, though. I've found social situations are much easier when there are some guidelines with respect to what to talk about and how to act. For example, with classmates, you can talk to them about the class you are in, or various things going on at school since it's something you automatically have in common. In contrast, I still get terrified on a date with someone where virtually anything is a conversation topic, and I still get terrified when I have to speak in public, where in my mind I feel I might get criticized.

In general, the more positive interactions you have with people, the more confident and comfortable you'll become. It takes some time and many repetitions, though.



Valinbean
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24 Jul 2017, 10:51 am

13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
I'm in the same boat right now. I think I am autistic, surely I must be, but I really have no idea other than that my parents say I'm "on the spectrum".
I've always had sensory issues: my parents have stories of terrible tantrums as a child every time they tried to cloth me, especially with constrictive clothing. I still can only wear certain materials and nothing too tight; I am very picky about what I wear. Loud noises bother me, even though I have spent about 9 months staffing a rifle and shotgun range for boy scouts (I was, in part, trying to see if constant exposure would help; it didn't). I still flinch at every sudden loud noise and avoid using loud machinery almost at all costs (I live and work on a ranch, so this can be difficult). And I always seem to have slightly more of an aversion to bright light than most people.

As far as social issues go it's hard to tell because I was homeschooled on an isolated ranch most of my life so of course I'm a bit... off to most people. I also haven't actually had many opportunities to even try to socialize and my family is nothing to go by because they are all social outcasts in their own ways too.
I insisted on going to public school for 6th grade and stayed in until I sort of "dropped out" to be "homeschooled" for 11th grade and then "graduated" a semester later so I could be a full time student at a nearby community college. In this time in a somewhat social setting I managed to get one freind who I still hang out with regularly, although it is still an awquard friendship. I'm pretty sure she's only freinds with me because she felt sorry for me, but it's hard to tell.

As for "obsessing" over a certain topic: I guess I do that in a way. My topic would definitely be Agriculture, but that includes such a wide range of subjects, almost all of which I am extremely interested in, that I'm not sure it counts. On top of that there are other subjects that I am interested in, just not to the same extent as I am for agriculture.

Eh, the more I go back over what I've just written, the more certain I am that I must be autistic, but some feedback would be beneficial I think so I'll stop here...


Homeschooled autistic person reporting here! I was homeschooled from 1st grade all the way through high school. I am by no means a socially savvy person, but at this point, I've had a lot of social experiences.

Homeschooling definitely allows you to be more isolated than you would be if you were in a public school. My interests all the way up until about 14 were radically different than anyone else's. When people would talk, I would usually not know what they were talking about, and thus have nothing to say; in the rare instances where I did think of something to say, I'd normally be too afraid to say it.

You can learn social skills to some degree, though. I've found social situations are much easier when there are some guidelines with respect to what to talk about and how to act. For example, with classmates, you can talk to them about the class you are in, or various things going on at school since it's something you automatically have in common. In contrast, I still get terrified on a date with someone where virtually anything is a conversation topic, and I still get terrified when I have to speak in public, where in my mind I feel I might get criticized.

In general, the more positive interactions you have with people, the more confident and comfortable you'll become. It takes some time and many repetitions, though.


The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.



Last edited by Valinbean on 24 Jul 2017, 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

soloha
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24 Jul 2017, 10:53 am

All of those things you described could be ascribed to being on the Spectrum. Spectrum is the key word, as others have pointed out. You don't have to have all the symptoms to be on the Spectrum and the severity of any symptom will vary. Your approach is sensible. Keep working with a professional.



Valinbean
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24 Jul 2017, 11:01 am

soloha wrote:
All of those things you described could be ascribed to being on the Spectrum. Spectrum is the key word, as others have pointed out. You don't have to have all the symptoms to be on the Spectrum and the severity of any symptom will vary. Your approach is sensible. Keep working with a professional.


I would work with a professional, except that I have pretty severe anxiety problems and the very thought of Dr.'s is one of those things that sets it off, plus they are expensive and from what I've heard often wrong.
Plus I'm in a rural area and there really aren't, well, any options as far as anyone who would be able to help or even diagnose me.



soloha
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24 Jul 2017, 11:22 am

Valinbean wrote:
soloha wrote:
All of those things you described could be ascribed to being on the Spectrum. Spectrum is the key word, as others have pointed out. You don't have to have all the symptoms to be on the Spectrum and the severity of any symptom will vary. Your approach is sensible. Keep working with a professional.


I would work with a professional, except that I have pretty severe anxiety problems and the very thought of Dr.'s is one of those things that sets it off, plus they are expensive and from what I've heard often wrong.
Plus I'm in a rural area and there really aren't, well, any options as far as anyone who would be able to help or even diagnose me.

I'm not sure what to tell you about the anxiety. Every time I have to go to my doc I stare at the floor the whole time in extreme discomfort. But I go.

As far as expense goes I have run into the issue of insurance not wanting to cover testing. The way around it for some doctors (this is the way my neuropsychologist gets around it) is if you have any history of head trauma at all or any other neurological condition they can sneak it in under that. I'm not sure how my clinical psychologist got it covered.

Yep, they can get it wrong. But they won't have a chance a getting it right if you don't go. I brought a four page typed letter I put together to help me talk to the doctor about it on the first visit.

I guess it depends on what you're looking for. If you're having trouble working or need other support a diagnosis can be helpful . It will allow you to get SSI or SSDI. Workplaces will have to make certain allowances, etc. For me it was more a matter of finally feeling not broken. Allowing me to stop wondering if I was a sociopath or what. Things suddenly started making sense with the diagnosis.



13quant13
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24 Jul 2017, 11:29 am

Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.



Valinbean
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24 Jul 2017, 11:31 am

soloha wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
soloha wrote:
All of those things you described could be ascribed to being on the Spectrum. Spectrum is the key word, as others have pointed out. You don't have to have all the symptoms to be on the Spectrum and the severity of any symptom will vary. Your approach is sensible. Keep working with a professional.


I would work with a professional, except that I have pretty severe anxiety problems and the very thought of Dr.'s is one of those things that sets it off, plus they are expensive and from what I've heard often wrong.
Plus I'm in a rural area and there really aren't, well, any options as far as anyone who would be able to help or even diagnose me.

I'm not sure what to tell you about the anxiety. Every time I have to go to my doc I stare at the floor the whole time in extreme discomfort. But I go.

As far as expense goes I have run into the issue of insurance not wanting to cover testing. The way around it for some doctors (this is the way my neuropsychologist gets around it) is if you have any history of head trauma at all or any other neurological condition they can sneak it in under that. I'm not sure how my clinical psychologist got it covered.

Yep, they can get it wrong. But they won't have a chance a getting it right if you don't go. I brought a four page typed letter I put together to help me talk to the doctor about it on the first visit.

I guess it depends on what you're looking for. If you're having trouble working or need other support a diagnosis can be helpful . It will allow you to get SSI or SSDI. Workplaces will have to make certain allowances, etc. For me it was more a matter of finally feeling not broken. Allowing me to stop wondering if I was a sociopath or what. Things suddenly started making sense with the diagnosis.


I don't know. Like I said, there isn't really anyone to go to where I am anyway, but once I graduate I plan on going to a city somewhere, so maybe I will try to figure something out then. As far as me being "weird", it hasn't really been a problem yet, but I also haven't really tried to get a real job yet or tried to "join society" in any way yet, so it may still become a problem at some point, probably sooner than later. :?



Valinbean
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24 Jul 2017, 11:43 am

13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.


Others won't usually say anything, but they do often give me odd looks like they are trying to figure me out but can't quite pin me down. That happens very frequently actually. Also, a lot of the people I try to talk to never talk to me again after the first conversation which is rather disenhartening.

I try to learn social ques by watching at lot of movies (with real actors, not cartoons) and closely observing the actor's body language and facial expressions. I think this helps some but I know this will only get me so far.
I am very good a interpreting body language which is why I am exceptionally good at working with animals and young children, but I think I might be too good at it and maybe this throws some people off?



13quant13
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24 Jul 2017, 12:08 pm

Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.


Others won't usually say anything, but they do often give me odd looks like they are trying to figure me out but can't quite pin me down. That happens very frequently actually. Also, a lot of the people I try to talk to never talk to me again after the first conversation which is rather disenhartening.

I try to learn social ques by watching at lot of movies (with real actors, not cartoons) and closely observing the actor's body language and facial expressions. I think this helps some but I know this will only get me so far.
I am very good a interpreting body language which is why I am exceptionally good at working with animals and young children, but I think I might be too good at it and maybe this throws some people off?


Yeah, even I as a PhD student who supposedly spends a lot of his time around like-minded people, I only have a limited number of people I feel comfortable with and spend time with often. But that's enough. I can tell almost right away if I'm going to be able to talk to someone freely or not. I've learned not fret over the people I don't hit it off with; I doubt they're crying at home about how they wish they could be my friend, so there's no sense in me worrying about it either. (:

If you're good at reading body language, though, you're a step above me. I'm awful at it. Part of my problem is that I'm not the best at making eye contact, so I often miss cues when they are given. Trying to get better at it, though. Have you always had the gift of reading body language, or was this something you learned?



Valinbean
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 23 Jul 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 16
Location: Central Texas

24 Jul 2017, 12:19 pm

13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.


Others won't usually say anything, but they do often give me odd looks like they are trying to figure me out but can't quite pin me down. That happens very frequently actually. Also, a lot of the people I try to talk to never talk to me again after the first conversation which is rather disenhartening.

I try to learn social ques by watching at lot of movies (with real actors, not cartoons) and closely observing the actor's body language and facial expressions. I think this helps some but I know this will only get me so far.
I am very good a interpreting body language which is why I am exceptionally good at working with animals and young children, but I think I might be too good at it and maybe this throws some people off?


Yeah, even I as a PhD student who supposedly spends a lot of his time around like-minded people, I only have a limited number of people I feel comfortable with and spend time with often. But that's enough. I can tell almost right away if I'm going to be able to talk to someone freely or not. I've learned not fret over the people I don't hit it off with; I doubt they're crying at home about how they wish they could be my friend, so there's no sense in me worrying about it either. (:

If you're good at reading body language, though, you're a step above me. I'm awful at it. Part of my problem is that I'm not the best at making eye contact, so I often miss cues when they are given. Trying to get better at it, though. Have you always had the gift of reading body language, or was this something you learned?


Hum, good question. I've always loved working with animals but I'm not sure I've always been good at reading them. I think maybe the answer is no, but I realized my deficiencies in the area at a young age and dedicated myself to trying to get better at it. Animals communicate solely through body language, so if I was going to be freinds with them I had to learn that language. Every time I get a new kind of animal I find myself entranced with watching them and how they react with each other and myself, often for weeks or until I feel like I understand them fairly well. I have observed that for most animals, including humans, much of their body language is simmilar to other species so the more I know of one species, the more I know of others. Rabbits in particular continue to throw me off though, so, eh, who knows :roll: ?



13quant13
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 22 Jul 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 22
Location: Fultondale, AL

24 Jul 2017, 12:46 pm

Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.


Others won't usually say anything, but they do often give me odd looks like they are trying to figure me out but can't quite pin me down. That happens very frequently actually. Also, a lot of the people I try to talk to never talk to me again after the first conversation which is rather disenhartening.

I try to learn social ques by watching at lot of movies (with real actors, not cartoons) and closely observing the actor's body language and facial expressions. I think this helps some but I know this will only get me so far.
I am very good a interpreting body language which is why I am exceptionally good at working with animals and young children, but I think I might be too good at it and maybe this throws some people off?


Yeah, even I as a PhD student who supposedly spends a lot of his time around like-minded people, I only have a limited number of people I feel comfortable with and spend time with often. But that's enough. I can tell almost right away if I'm going to be able to talk to someone freely or not. I've learned not fret over the people I don't hit it off with; I doubt they're crying at home about how they wish they could be my friend, so there's no sense in me worrying about it either. (:

If you're good at reading body language, though, you're a step above me. I'm awful at it. Part of my problem is that I'm not the best at making eye contact, so I often miss cues when they are given. Trying to get better at it, though. Have you always had the gift of reading body language, or was this something you learned?


Hum, good question. I've always loved working with animals but I'm not sure I've always been good at reading them. I think maybe the answer is no, but I realized my deficiencies in the area at a young age and dedicated myself to trying to get better at it. Animals communicate solely through body language, so if I was going to be freinds with them I had to learn that language. Every time I get a new kind of animal I find myself entranced with watching them and how they react with each other and myself, often for weeks or until I feel like I understand them fairly well. I have observed that for most animals, including humans, much of their body language is simmilar to other species so the more I know of one species, the more I know of others. Rabbits in particular continue to throw me off though, so, eh, who knows :roll: ?


That's really cool! I hadn't paid that much thought until now. I guess that would suggest that body language dates very far back in our evolution. Maybe rabbits and we autistic folk are little data outliers in a massively complex web of evolutionary tendencies.

Ironically, despite my inability to read people and general awkwardness, I have a huge passion for teaching and want to do that in the future. I guess working with animals is yours?



Valinbean
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 23 Jul 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 16
Location: Central Texas

24 Jul 2017, 1:03 pm

13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
13quant13 wrote:
Valinbean wrote:
The thing is, I never really had much interest in trying to socialize. The topics that others my own age were interested in were never really interesting to me so I mostly just kept to myself anyway. When I did socialize it was usually with adults, often elderly adults actually. Everyone I spoke to as a child told me that I was very mature and "wise beyond my years", but I think this was because when I wasn't talking, which was most of the time, I was listening to everything and everyone, learning all I could. That was how I entertained myself. I now often actively try to socialize, but I'm not very good at it and am painfully awkward.
Edited to add: Well I think I am anyway, maybe others don't do think so, or don't notice, but I feel painfully awkward anyway.


Oh, I know precisely what you mean. Pokemon and Power Rangers were the big things in my day, neither of which held any interest for me. I too found it much easier to talk to adults. They always seemed willing to meet me at my level, something kids my age would never do.
It wasn't until I was about 14 that I actually started making an effort to befriend people. Up until that point, my ignorance of other people's interests and my fear of interaction just far outweighed my desire to make friends. Around that time, someone did a great favor for me: our family's car mechanic, a family friend, gave me the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (in addition to books in leadership by John C. Maxwell). For the first time, I saw written in detail what other people expected in social interactions. I wrote down copious notes and then starting trying out my new knowledge. :P
I'm sure you're not as awkward as you think you are. Most people typically focus on the things they say or do that they wish they could take back. I do it all the time... think about something embarrassing I said, have an approximately five-second long spasm, then don't think about it again for a while. If whoever you were with at the time doesn't mention it the next time you see them, they probably didn't give it a second thought.


Others won't usually say anything, but they do often give me odd looks like they are trying to figure me out but can't quite pin me down. That happens very frequently actually. Also, a lot of the people I try to talk to never talk to me again after the first conversation which is rather disenhartening.

I try to learn social ques by watching at lot of movies (with real actors, not cartoons) and closely observing the actor's body language and facial expressions. I think this helps some but I know this will only get me so far.
I am very good a interpreting body language which is why I am exceptionally good at working with animals and young children, but I think I might be too good at it and maybe this throws some people off?


Yeah, even I as a PhD student who supposedly spends a lot of his time around like-minded people, I only have a limited number of people I feel comfortable with and spend time with often. But that's enough. I can tell almost right away if I'm going to be able to talk to someone freely or not. I've learned not fret over the people I don't hit it off with; I doubt they're crying at home about how they wish they could be my friend, so there's no sense in me worrying about it either. (:

If you're good at reading body language, though, you're a step above me. I'm awful at it. Part of my problem is that I'm not the best at making eye contact, so I often miss cues when they are given. Trying to get better at it, though. Have you always had the gift of reading body language, or was this something you learned?


Hum, good question. I've always loved working with animals but I'm not sure I've always been good at reading them. I think maybe the answer is no, but I realized my deficiencies in the area at a young age and dedicated myself to trying to get better at it. Animals communicate solely through body language, so if I was going to be freinds with them I had to learn that language. Every time I get a new kind of animal I find myself entranced with watching them and how they react with each other and myself, often for weeks or until I feel like I understand them fairly well. I have observed that for most animals, including humans, much of their body language is simmilar to other species so the more I know of one species, the more I know of others. Rabbits in particular continue to throw me off though, so, eh, who knows :roll: ?


That's really cool! I hadn't paid that much thought until now. I guess that would suggest that body language dates very far back in our evolution. Maybe rabbits and we autistic folk are little data outliers in a massively complex web of evolutionary tendencies.

Ironically, despite my inability to read people and general awkwardness, I have a huge passion for teaching and want to do that in the future. I guess working with animals is yours?


Yah, I'd say animals and animal behavior would be my special interest for sure. I also like the idea of tying agriculture and "useful" animals into urban, everyday settings. I think that our reliance on the natural world as a species is far understated and too often taken for granted, especially with the potential restraints on ag that would seem to be very near in the future like climate change and a high global population of humans to have to feed.