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hurtloam
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26 Jul 2017, 3:13 pm

How do you deal with arrogant people?

Why are they so nasty? Is it low self esteem? Why does someone who feels that they are absolutely right have to talk down to people and treat them like they're stupid?

I don't get it.



blackicmenace
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26 Jul 2017, 3:49 pm

Just the other day someone suggested that I came off as presumptuous, pretentious and condescending. Would you say that is an accurate description? I have never had a good self image and definitely don't think I am better than others, though I do like to speak my mind and say what I believe to be true.


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ZachGoodwin
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26 Jul 2017, 5:22 pm

Arrogant people can think for themselves, but they can't think for you. If an arrogant person thinks you are a problem then that is the arrogant person's problem not your problem. Arrogant people can think that the entire world is flat for all we know, but I can believe the world is a diamond shape just as much as the world is a sphere.

Look, I believe people have a purpose and a loving soul that gives them life.

Don't let the negative people drown out your love of what is around you in the world.



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26 Jul 2017, 5:55 pm

I learnt this from Marisa Peer and it seems to work for most unpleasant people.

1. Smile slightly while they are speaking to you.
2. Say, "Thank you for sharing." Then change the subject.
2. If they are speaking down to you, suddenly say, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear what you said. Could you repeat that, please?" (This will work better if you try to look busy while they're speaking to you.) This technique puts off their mojo, and subtly lets them know you don't intend to listen to their BS. You can repeat this step as much as you like.
3. If they don't get the hint and continue to criticize, ask bluntly, "Are you trying to hurt my feelings?" (they will usually deny)
4. If they happen to say yes, say, "Well, that won't work."

If all fails, remember that arrogant people are often very insecure and wish them some dedicated self love.


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kraftiekortie
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26 Jul 2017, 5:57 pm

Yep...Arrogant people are the scourge of the earth.

I deal with them on an individual basis. It depends on the "type" of arrogance.

I might be sarcastic, or I might try to accommodate.

But, eventually, the arrogant person will know that I'm hip to him/her.



blackicmenace
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26 Jul 2017, 6:07 pm

I figure I am allowed an opinion, no matter how inferior, someone may perceive it. I have created my own biases like everyone else, so I try to keep an open mind, but I can't control how someone perceives me nor would I want to. I want to be liked, but I also want to speak my mind so I try to be respectful even if I fail at doing so in the way I communicate with others. I believe in treating others how I myself want to be treated and that means being honest to build trust and doing my best to be respectful which I likely fail at. If someone is too far from my own core beliefs, I keep communication with them to a minimum because we will never truly take each others ideology to heart since we are fairly incompatible. I don't like to argue for the sake of arguing because I end up with bitter feelings and would rather keep civility intact.


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ZachGoodwin
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26 Jul 2017, 6:11 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
I figure I am allowed an opinion, no matter how inferior, someone may perceive it. I have created my own biases like everyone else, so I try to keep an open mind, but I can't control how someone perceives me nor would I want to. I want to be liked, but I also want to speak my mind so I try to be respectful even if I fail at doing so in the way I communicate with others. I believe in treating others how I myself want to be treated and that means being honest to build trust and doing my best to be respectful which I likely fail at. If someone is too far from my own core beliefs, I keep communication with them to a minimum because we will never truly take each others ideology to heart since we are fairly incompatible. I don't like to argue for the sake of arguing because I end up with bitter feelings and would rather keep civility intact.


I'm the same way when I share my believes.



blackicmenace
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26 Jul 2017, 6:47 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I figure I am allowed an opinion, no matter how inferior, someone may perceive it. I have created my own biases like everyone else, so I try to keep an open mind, but I can't control how someone perceives me nor would I want to. I want to be liked, but I also want to speak my mind so I try to be respectful even if I fail at doing so in the way I communicate with others. I believe in treating others how I myself want to be treated and that means being honest to build trust and doing my best to be respectful which I likely fail at. If someone is too far from my own core beliefs, I keep communication with them to a minimum because we will never truly take each others ideology to heart since we are fairly incompatible. I don't like to argue for the sake of arguing because I end up with bitter feelings and would rather keep civility intact.


I'm the same way when I share my believes.


I grew up and have spent most of my life in the south. It took some time to drop the cultural baggage to find the ideals I am happy with.


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HistoryGal
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26 Jul 2017, 8:19 pm

I let them know quickly that I'm hip to their game.



will@rd
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26 Jul 2017, 8:21 pm

Is being intolerant of stupidity the same thing as arrogance?

Because maybe...you know...


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hurtloam
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27 Jul 2017, 4:15 am

will@rd wrote:
Is being intolerant of stupidity the same thing as arrogance?

Because maybe...you know...


It depends how you treat them. I have a really good friend, she's always there for me, but she comes out with some very silly things at times and I have to pick my battles with her.

I always try and treat her with respect. I am more educated than her and I don't want her to feel like I think I'm better than her. She is a really lovely person.

Occasionally there's something I have to correct because it's so nuts. She is clever and overthinks things sometimes and ends up in the wrong place because of lack of knowledge.

But I try and do it kindly.

I think I may have been more arrogant and blunt when I was younger which is why arrogance gives me this bad feeling [what's schadenfruede when you don't enjoy it?]



Summer_Twilight
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27 Jul 2017, 8:29 am

hurtloam wrote:
How do you deal with arrogant people?

Why are they so nasty? Is it low self esteem? Why does someone who feels that they are absolutely right have to talk down to people and treat them like they're stupid?

I don't get it.


Usually arrogant people treat others the way they do out of seeing qualities in others that they lack in themselves. These are people who are too proud to admit that they have a problem.

For instance:
They hate it when their facts are untrue and don't match yours.

Arrogant people can also have a condescending body language where they roll their eyes at you, scowl at you etc.



hurtloam
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27 Jul 2017, 11:57 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Just the other day someone suggested that I came off as presumptuous, pretentious and condescending. Would you say that is an accurate description? I have never had a good self image and definitely don't think I am better than others, though I do like to speak my mind and say what I believe to be true.


I don't know you in person so can't say. Sometimes it's not what we say. It's how we say it. What happened to make them say that?

This thread was inspired after watching an arrogant character on a tv show which got me wondering.



Chronos
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28 Jul 2017, 12:11 am

hurtloam wrote:
How do you deal with arrogant people?

Why are they so nasty? Is it low self esteem? Why does someone who feels that they are absolutely right have to talk down to people and treat them like they're stupid?

I don't get it.


They are not worth getting particularly upset about because most people don't like arrogant people and most arrogant people don't care one way or another.

Personally I would rather deal with arrogant people than people who become hurt easily because it's significantly less energy on my part and if I do unintentionally offend an arrogant person, it was probably not undeserved.



Summer_Twilight
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28 Jul 2017, 9:05 am

Chronos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
How do you deal with arrogant people?

Why are they so nasty? Is it low self esteem? Why does someone who feels that they are absolutely right have to talk down to people and treat them like they're stupid?

I don't get it.


They are not worth getting particularly upset about because most people don't like arrogant people and most arrogant people don't care one way or another.

Personally I would rather deal with arrogant people than people who become hurt easily because it's significantly less energy on my part and if I do unintentionally offend an arrogant person, it was probably not undeserved.


Now now, the ones who get hurt easily need mentors who can teach them to have tougher skin and perhaps learn to set boundaries.



hurtloam
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28 Jul 2017, 3:08 pm

Chronos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
How do you deal with arrogant people?

Why are they so nasty? Is it low self esteem? Why does someone who feels that they are absolutely right have to talk down to people and treat them like they're stupid?

I don't get it.


They are not worth getting particularly upset about because most people don't like arrogant people and most arrogant people don't care one way or another.

Personally I would rather deal with arrogant people than people who become hurt easily because it's significantly less energy on my part and if I do unintentionally offend an arrogant person, it was probably not undeserved.


I think much prefer people in the middle an of neither extreme.