Friend keeps asking me to be his chauffeur...

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Hi, I'm kind of unsure how to approach a friendship situation. I have this friend who doesn't drive, who keeps asking me to pick him up from the grocery store once a week because he buys too many items to carry all the way home and doesn't want to pay for a taxi. Time and day vary. I'm all for helping out a friend in need, but it's getting exhausting. He texts me at work, at church and other times when I've asked him not to text me, and if I tell him he texted me at work he'll just say "sorry, I forgot".

Moreover, it uses up gas and I have to make a special trip out just to pick him up, which isn't my favourite thing to do on a weekend when I'd rather just chill or march to the beat of my own drum. I keep hinting that he ought to get his learner's license and start the process of learning how to drive. I mean, he's in his late 20s, so there really isn't an excuse. He is my friend and I can't just say flat out no to him, but I'm getting exhausted and it's driving me crazy. Does anyone know of a solution?

He's not being a very considerate friend if he's using you for a taxi service.
If it's causing you harm, you need to say NO.
When he texts you, say, "Sorry, I can't today."
He might be put out by your refusal, but if it continues this way you will end up really resenting him, which won't do the friendship any favours.
Eventually, he will get the hint.
Alternatively you could put limits on your service or ask him to contribute petrol money.

Think of it as doing him a service.
Because if you keep running him around, he's not going to have much motivation to get his own licence, is he?

Last edited by Raleigh on 30 Jul 2017, 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would tell him exactly what you told us: you're willing to help a friend out once in a while, but you're not an Uber driver, and by 'helping out' I mean emergencies and important situations he's unable to find an alternative, not just because he's too cheap to get a taxi or too lazy to plan ahead.

Wow, I wish I could find a man servant to drive me around for free. Maybe he could even carry the groceries in and put them in the fridge for me.

If you are able to conveniently pick your "friend" up from the grocery store once a week, and if you really want to, let him know that while you are still happy to help, since this favor is becoming a weekly habit, you will expect your friend to pay you every week for the gas money. If he is unable to pay for a certain week, then you don't pick him up that week.

Also, tell him that if he "forgets" and texts you at work again ... (Really? How rude. ) ... you will not pick him up from the grocery store.

And if you have other plans, tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't provide you with transportation this weekend. I'm really busy and have other plans." And it will be true, because you will be busy relaxing and chilling out, just like you planned. Or who knows, you might decide to use your freedom to go somewhere or do something.

Learn to say "no." If he's a real friend, he will respect your boundaries and not take advantage of you. If he's a real friend, he will understand when you say "no." Otherwise, he's a just user and a taker who might get you in trouble at work or even cost you your job with all the stupid texts he sends.

...

Thanks for the responses, and it seems like you're all on the same page. I don't really like confrontations so I tend to try to avoid them, but that's also probably why I ended up stuck in a relationship I knew was problematic and wasn't going anywhere for almost a couple years before I grew a pair and finally ended it. By comparison, politely asking a friend to lay off a little is probably small potatoes. At the end of the day he's still going to be my friend, unless it turns out he's really just using me. If he's at all reasonable though and is truly my friend he should understand.

I have had the exact same thing, I worked at a holiday camp once when I was 18, I only lived 2 miles away and had a car so I drove to work. Most of my colleagues I worked with lived further away on the other side of my town, every night when I was finished, around 1Am 3 of them would always ask for me to drive them home, and even wait an hour for them to finish so I could take them home, 3 people to 3 destinations straight after a 9 hour shift. they never offered petrol money, never thanked me, they expected it when i had to go miles out of my way. If you are like me, I can't say no to people, its affected me since I could talk. I don't understand why, a simple 2 letter word but I can't say it to people so I end up doing things I don't want to do on a daily basis and being used. I feel like every request I get is a demand and I feel pressured and think ill get in trouble if I don't do it

I know that you don't want to say, "No," but there is a time and place for it. This sounds a lot like one of those times that it can be applied since it sounds he's trying to take advantage of you. However, turning him down with grace might help.

"Listen, I understand that you don't drive which be frustrating at times and I have enjoyed driving you. However, I have my own life and I often feel like you ask me to help you during awkward times. I have also really felt like there are times where my fuel is being eaten up just trying to drive you around. As you know gas is expensive and I need that gas to take care of my own needs. You may need to take the bus (If there is one) and perhaps get a bicycle that you can take on the bus that you can lock up to a bike rack. I also know that you dislike using a cab but I feel that if you have money for food then you should have money for a cab."

Ok, sounds like you had it worse, lol. Thanks for the response. You too Summer_Twilight.

I actually brought the subject up with my friend today and he asked if I can pick him up one last time tomorrow and then he won't bug me about it for a while.

At least you resolved it now, sorry I couldn't help. I think it's OK and a nice thing to do every once and a while to give people lifts in your car but when they expect it, don't thank you or offer any fuel money and want you to do it all the time without thinking about you having your own life and thinking maybe you're busy and have a lot of other stuff you need to do, I think that's when it's not right and you are being used by someone who should fu*k off and maybe get a taxi

It's all good, thanks for the response. My friend also walks to the store, and just ends up buying more than he can carry, so taking one extra trip a week and buying less each time would also be an option for him. I don't know why his wife doesn't come to the store. She doesn't drive either.

They can get bicycles.

Ok, I thought I had this situation resolved, but then last night my friend asked if I'm free tomorrow to pick him up. He said he's given me a break for a while now. Clearly he didn't get the hint when I talked to him about it before. Well, there's only one option available to me now. I lied about having a new client that I work with on Saturdays. There's no way he can verify the truthfulness or lack thereof of my statement...he's going to harass me on Saturdays now to pick him up on Sundays, isn't he? I can't win.