Don't get along well with ppl that are different from me
14 Aug 2017, 12:43 pm
If you have major differences, such as a weird religious belief - don't talk about religion with anyone.
Just say you don't enjoy that type of conversation and change the topic.
Another thing is to keep friendships in set categories.
You have friends that share the same type of music taste - they are friends for enjoying music with, and that is all. If they have a kid it doesn't matter, all that matters is that one area of interest that you share.
You only do the shared interest with them.
It's kind of being fickle, but, only with everything else that you don't share in common.
Also be open to learning & experiencing new things. Perhaps your friend tells you about their favourite hiphop songs, you have no interest in hiphop, but ask them why they like particular songs, and you could even discover a genre of hiphop that appeals to you. Be open to trying/discovering new things.
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You do not control someone else's statements or actions
14 Aug 2017, 2:46 pm
Thank you all.
I can handle small differences but not big in the long run. A friend with a child can I handle in the beginning, but after a couple of months when we see each other and she always brings the child with her (as all women do even if the have good fathers at home) I can´t cope, we are simply too different and I start to avoiding her (she has other mom-friends so don´t worry that I left her lonely).
Another example, if I love old rock music but a friend of mine hates it and only love new pop from the last year. Then I do have problems to keep this friendship going in the long run, this because I know for a fact we will never listening to the same music with each other. The big point to be in a friendship is to share moments, not only silent ones.
I don´t use make up every single day and are not a fashion police either, but I do feel it´s important to have a friend that have some sense of good taste and style. It´s not the most important thing in the world, but it will be hard in the long run if I prioritize looking through some shops sometimes but the friend using the same sweather 5 years back and doesn´t care.
If a friend has bad hygien and only wants to eat junkfood it´s also a problem, then we not share the base of how to take care of yourself and also that can lead to problems in the future.
To summarize, I always think everything in the long run, not in the moment.
As "shortfatbalduglyman" said, I did also accept too much before, that I regret later. This is why I´m really selective these days.
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Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the city is forever
14 Aug 2017, 3:17 pm
You're going to find it really difficult to find friends exactly like you. Prepare to be lonely.
Why don't you just do something different with your non make up loving friend. Just don't drag her round Superdrug. Go have a coffee with her.
Don't go see your fav band with the pop music fan. Go for a walk round the park and shoot the breeze.
14 Aug 2017, 5:32 pm
Why don't you just do something different with your non make up loving friend. Just don't drag her round Superdrug. Go have a coffee with her.
Don't go see your fav band with the pop music fan. Go for a walk round the park and shoot the breeze.
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Exactly. For people with "normal" personalities, it is convenient to make friends
But minorities not so much
19 Aug 2017, 12:19 am
I can handle small differences but not big in the long run. A friend with a child can I handle in the beginning, but after a couple of months when we see each other and she always brings the child with her (as all women do even if the have good fathers at home) I can´t cope, we are simply too different and I start to avoiding her (she has other mom-friends so don´t worry that I left her lonely).
Another example, if I love old rock music but a friend of mine hates it and only love new pop from the last year. Then I do have problems to keep this friendship going in the long run, this because I know for a fact we will never listening to the same music with each other. The big point to be in a friendship is to share moments, not only silent ones.
I don´t use make up every single day and are not a fashion police either, but I do feel it´s important to have a friend that have some sense of good taste and style. It´s not the most important thing in the world, but it will be hard in the long run if I prioritize looking through some shops sometimes but the friend using the same sweather 5 years back and doesn´t care.
If a friend has bad hygien and only wants to eat junkfood it´s also a problem, then we not share the base of how to take care of yourself and also that can lead to problems in the future.
To summarize, I always think everything in the long run, not in the moment.
As "shortfatbalduglyman" said, I did also accept too much before, that I regret later. This is why I´m really selective these days.
Most people focus on the things they have in common between them. Or they may actually have little in common but still enjoy each other's company.
26 Aug 2017, 6:20 pm
I can handle small differences but not big in the long run. A friend with a child can I handle in the beginning, but after a couple of months when we see each other and she always brings the child with her (as all women do even if the have good fathers at home) I can´t cope, we are simply too different and I start to avoiding her (she has other mom-friends so don´t worry that I left her lonely).
Another example, if I love old rock music but a friend of mine hates it and only love new pop from the last year. Then I do have problems to keep this friendship going in the long run, this because I know for a fact we will never listening to the same music with each other. The big point to be in a friendship is to share moments, not only silent ones.
I don´t use make up every single day and are not a fashion police either, but I do feel it´s important to have a friend that have some sense of good taste and style. It´s not the most important thing in the world, but it will be hard in the long run if I prioritize looking through some shops sometimes but the friend using the same sweather 5 years back and doesn´t care.
If a friend has bad hygien and only wants to eat junkfood it´s also a problem, then we not share the base of how to take care of yourself and also that can lead to problems in the future.
To summarize, I always think everything in the long run, not in the moment.
As "shortfatbalduglyman" said, I did also accept too much before, that I regret later. This is why I´m really selective these days.
Still with the examples I don't get the point and I don't understand your problem, really.
Ok, your friend doesn't like rock music, as long if you have something else in common, why is this a big deal? Do you have to listen to music all the time when your friend is with you? I don't think so. Also, you could still try to find similarities...maybe there's a rock band your friend doesn't find that bad or there's a pop song from last year you like, even though it's not your favorite style in music.
And why? "Good taste" is also very subjective. Some people are not interested in the latest fashion and still have some sense of aesthetics.
Don't take this friend shopping with you. You can still go shopping on your own or with another friend. There are hundreds of activities besides shopping.
Also, why would you care about your friend's sweater?
This is the only thing that would be understandable, at least the part about the hygiene (I guess everyone would understand that, since you wouldn't want to shake hands with someone who hasn't washed their hands).
The part about junk food...again, don't go eating something with that person. Or maybe you could convince that friend of non-junk food by cooking a great meal at home for them.
SilverProteus
Veteran
Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,915
Location: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
16 Sep 2017, 12:37 pm
I don't need people to be the same as me, but I DO need at least a couple of major similarities. Interests, background, mental health, general outlook on life - I desperately need some kind of "handle" like that to get started. Interests are best. Introduce me to ten people, say, and with nine of them I'll struggle to even speak coherently. The tenth I'll hit it off with.
The worst are the most utterly normal people, whose lives and interests consist of everything typical for their age, sex and nationality. It's not that I dislike them, I just can't bluff my way through talk about the kids, the new sofa and the Leeds United game. It's easier to connect with someone who's a bit outside that whole life in some way, even if it's not in the same way I am. That's kind of how I became an honary lesbian for a while!
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You're so vain
I bet you think this sig is about you
16 Sep 2017, 8:21 pm
right now i ain't got no hobbies.
but instead of interests and hobbies, i am most concerned with precious lil "people's" attitudes
numerous precious lil "people" are judgmental and condescending and act like they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. and they are manipulative and impatient
27 Sep 2017, 10:57 pm
I’m talking to some people in my city, we met online on Facebook, I cannot talk to them too good, I try my best. There this woman I talk to more, she is disabled, we have things in common & we can do things the same, she can understand me better too, but I haven’t talked to her in a while, I miss talking to her.
30 Sep 2017, 3:42 pm
I can handle small differences but not big in the long run. A friend with a child can I handle in the beginning, but after a couple of months when we see each other and she always brings the child with her (as all women do even if the have good fathers at home) I can´t cope, we are simply too different and I start to avoiding her (she has other mom-friends so don´t worry that I left her lonely).
It seems like the problem was her bringing the child along when she met up with you, not her having a child at all. You could have simply told her that you only wanted to hang out without the kid (in a gentle way). Bringing the kid along doesn't make her different; it just means she was doing something you didn't like.
Share something besides listening to music. And you don't have to hang out silently. Can't at least one of you talk? Watch a movie or TV show, listen to a podcast or community lecture?
