Confused Newbie

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Hello. I'm new here, obviously.

I came here because I have been suspecting I might be an aspie ever since I started dating a diagnosed aspie over a year ago (we are currently taking a break/not speaking).

I've read so many conflicting things about Asperger's that I am totally confused. I've read about lack of empathy and mind-blindness, then hyper-empathy and everything in between.

I'm an empath and a "fixer" (INFJ) with good intuition. I pick up on non-verbal communication very well. I'm able to get to the root of matters and help people that way sometimes. I'm usually pretty good at reading between the lines and understanding things that are only implied or hinted at. I have a diplomatic personality and can mostly understand people's motivations as long as they don't relate to me (can't see the forest for the trees). From my understanding, these aren't necessarily typical aspie traits.

On the other hand, I am an extreme introvert who pretty much just wants to be left alone. I have to work to survive and I am friendly with my coworkers (I genuinely like them), but that's it for socializing IRL. I work, then I go home to my peaceful, quiet, safe place where I can be myself and take off the mask and relax.

I generally hate "going out". People say I need to get out of the house more and when they tell me this, a little ball of rage lights up inside of me which I have to fight down so I can stay calm and appear normal. I don't want to snap at people who are just trying to help. But I'm only really happy when I am at home and can be myself. Being outside and around people is exhausting. I have to be hyper-vigilant when I am out of the house to stay alert and keep from making mistakes. I need my weekend at home just to recharge and be able to make it another week at work. People think I'm crazy when I use vacation days just to give myself a 3 or 4 day weekend at home.

I admit, there are things I used to like doing outside such as fishing. And driving on the highway is very soothing once I'm actually doing it. But it takes major motivation to get me out of the house, so it pretty much never happens. If I had a partner to motivate me, it might happen more, I suppose.

Anyway, that's just a tiny tip of the iceberg, I could write tons about all of the other traits I have which seem to be aspie. But I also know many of these traits can overlap with other personality types, so I'm not really sure. The online tests also seem to give me conflicting results.

So here I am, reading as much as I can and trying to figure out where I might find a place to fit in.

Welcome! Enjoy your visit, however long.

I would educate you on the ways of our culture, our technology..but I fear this will violate the Prime Directive.

Welcome to WP!

You could just be an introvert, or you could have an ASD. I am able to partially relate to some of what you said, especially the part about "reading" non-verbal social cues. I used to be completely oblivious to them, but now I am able to pick up on a least some (through experience?). Have you taken the RAADS-R yet? That is (supposedly) the "golden standard" for diagnosing ASD (I'll leave a link down below). I hope you can figure this out! You are very welcome her, Aspie or not!

Link to online version of RAADS-R: http://www.aspietests.org/userdetails.p ... stions.php

Thank you for the welcome!

I took the test and it seems to say I am borderline. I can't post the URL here because I am new. I tried to submit this post then it told me I can't post URLs and now I am having to type the whole thing again *sigh*. This is why I should always copy posts before I click Submit.

Total score 124.0 - Language 3.0 - Social relatedness 61.0 - Sensory/motor 33.0 - Circumscribed interests 27.0

I am over the threshold in everything except language. This is very similar to the test results from the rdos website, except that one calls it communication rather than language.

Ok, I apparently also can't post images, lol. I will try to post it as my avatar.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Maybe you are, maybe you ain't. I don't know.

Doesn't really matter.

You have to be very careful with the clinical literature. It uses terms like "empathy" in a very different way than they are used in everyday speech. In everyday speech, "empathy" means "caring about other people's feelings." In the literature, it means something more like, "feeling the same thing in response to the same stimulus at the same time in the same way at the same level of intensity as the majority of people."

The clinical literature is also still almost entirely based on males who present as being toward the middle or more profoundly affected end of the autism spectrum. Also still very heavily based on children. If you are a more mildly affected adult female, you're a mystery cloaked in lack of information and crowned with a question mark.

The clinical literature is also still very heavily based on an "outside-looking-in" perspective. It's mostly about what non-autistic people THINK autism is. The "experts" have only really started actually listening to our experience and taking that into account within the last 5-10 years.

Good luck, one way or the other.