Elderly parents

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Hello

I lurk more than I post on here but here goes.

I am having trouble with the stress of caring responsibilities I have for people in my family (elderly parents and chronically ill partner) . I just feel so overwhelmed and like I am disappearing. I don't do very much at all in practical terms for my parents other than ring every day as they are very independent and don't like to others to see they are losing independence. Social services and the health care teams visit frequently. We are not a close family and just this act of ringing is an ordeal. It's all a fraud anyway they pretend they are OK (easier to do over the phone than in person) so we just talk about the TV and the weather . The small talk I find excruciating, I would rather go and vacuum or clean the toilet than provide social "chatting" support. I just can't do it, I have nothing to say. Any suggesting of alternative housing / organised outing where they could get social interaction with others who also want to chat ( I don't I like to be alone and quiet) is met with refusal.

It feels they are on the brink of some awful event as they get more old and more frail and I don't know what to do. My energies are sapped by the domestic responsibilities I have to take at home and the sheer exhaustion of my working life. I come home from work (part time) soul sucked and drained from having to communicate with so many people to the point where I all can do is sleep. It's all making me ill. Any tips to make life more manageable?

I have come to realize that people be it addiction or realizing they can not do what they used to people are ready when they are ready. No amount of cajoling subtle or blunt makes a difference if they are not ready.

As for you just try as get a bunch of "me time" as possible be it special interests of stimming. Even a couple minutes here can help. Then there is exercise, diet, proper sleep etc.

Thanks, I will.

I suppose I just have to let people be and help as much as I am able without going under. I just feel like I ought to be something else, something they need.

Love them. Remember the good times. Speak truthfully to them how you feel even if they reject you or don't love you back. Tell them you love them. Thank them for the good times. And thank God. Forgive them.

Much Love, Nay.