What is it feel like to like someone?

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cato4797
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10 Aug 2017, 7:56 am

I've been dating someone for a while, but I spent so much time agonizing over every little thing that I forgot why I liked her and my emotions have kind of died down even though I know she is someone that I want to be with.

Are emotions different for aspies? Maybe I was obsessed with her and it took a different turn and I just have to wait for the anxiety to go away.



Amity
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11 Aug 2017, 11:12 am

I don't know if what you are experiencing is an ASD thing, maybe reading about Alexithymia could be helpful for you. If I'm overwhelmed it becomes even more difficult to know how I'm feeling.
Maybe you are settling into a more comfortable stage of the relationship where the initial reasons you felt attraction aren't as important because you have decided that you want to be with her.



AngelRho
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11 Aug 2017, 11:32 am

What does it feel like to like someone? For me, this typically means cold sweats, insomnia, and upset stomach, often accompanied by gas, nausea, and/or diarrhea.



cato4797
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11 Aug 2017, 3:54 pm

Amity wrote:
I don't know if what you are experiencing is an ASD thing, maybe reading about Alexithymia could be helpful for you. If I'm overwhelmed it becomes even more difficult to know how I'm feeling.
Maybe you are settling into a more comfortable stage of the relationship where the initial reasons you felt attraction aren't as important because you have decided that you want to be with her.



I feel like maybe I should be moving on...I just have agonized over everything. When we had sex for the first time, I felt my emotions were dying down afterwards.

And then over the last week I kind of fell apart emotionally after she mentioned something that me insecure... which then sent me into a downward spiral emotionally into the anxiety and depression I was feeling.

Maybe that just means I like her a lot???



Amity
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12 Aug 2017, 3:55 am

^I guess if the beginning felt like what AngelRho wrote:

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this typically means cold sweats, insomnia, and upset stomach, often accompanied by gas, nausea, and/or diarrhea.

Then it seems reasonable to think that the relationship after sex might feel anticlimactic.

Maybe it's those insecurities or it's plain old depression and anxiety, I reckon it's not a good decision to let those thoughts/feelings be in charge of you regarding the relationship.

I don't understand how you can know that you want to be with her, but want to move on at the same time?



SilverBoltsisWmax
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12 Aug 2017, 4:02 am

cato4797 wrote:
Amity wrote:
I don't know if what you are experiencing is an ASD thing, maybe reading about Alexithymia could be helpful for you. If I'm overwhelmed it becomes even more difficult to know how I'm feeling.
Maybe you are settling into a more comfortable stage of the relationship where the initial reasons you felt attraction aren't as important because you have decided that you want to be with her.



I feel like maybe I should be moving on...I just have agonized over everything. When we had sex for the first time, I felt my emotions were dying down afterwards.

And then over the last week I kind of fell apart emotionally after she mentioned something that me insecure... which then sent me into a downward spiral emotionally into the anxiety and depression I was feeling.

Maybe that just means I like her a lot???


You are overthinking this trust me. Relationships are not supposed to be an emotional high. You are two people and you just need to work with that as the basis and figure out if you can handle being together long term basically. That's pretty much the only thing you need to focus on when dating people if you want a fair shot.



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13 Aug 2017, 4:17 am

It not fair to the other person that your interest went down after sex. This means that you are only sexually attracted to this person. You obsessed over every little thing in the beginning just so you could get laid. So, you did and now it seems over. She may have picked up on this. Maybe that thing that she said that made you feel so insecure was evidence that you've been figured out. This is what NT people recognize as a sexual conquest. Some guys get upset even when girls they don't even like that much break up with them. It's not their hearts that hurt. It's their egos. It feels worse especially if that was the only person you were dating. They end up missing the sex that they looked forward to having and actually NEVER miss the real person. If you are on the spectrum, this can be very hard to figure out. Sometimes, when you are on the spectrum, it is harder to figure yourself out than it is to figure out someone else.
Many aspies are lonely so they confuse sex with genuine connection. They often confuse want of sex with liking someone. When you really like someone, you want to participate in all your favorite activities but the biggest part is that you want that person with you at the same time. (sex is not included in this.) This is why it is so important that two people that are dating have common interests. Sometimes two people who are not dating always participate in the same activity, they end up chatting, liking one another and then dating.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 13 Aug 2017, 4:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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13 Aug 2017, 4:40 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
It not fair to the other person that your interest went down after sex. This means that you are only sexually attracted to this person. You obsessed over every little thing in the beginning just so you could get laid. So, you did and now it seems over.


That seems like a highly simplistic answer with no merit whatsoever. I've never heard of somebody obsessing over a love interest only to get sex, and then move on. IMO, people that want to only get laid don't obsess, as obsession causes attachment, and you don't want that if you only want sex.



rdos
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13 Aug 2017, 4:44 am

cato4797 wrote:
And then over the last week I kind of fell apart emotionally after she mentioned something that me insecure... which then sent me into a downward spiral emotionally into the anxiety and depression I was feeling.


I think you are just depressed, and because of that, you are in no position to think positively about her.



RightGalaxy
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13 Aug 2017, 4:52 am

rdos wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
It not fair to the other person that your interest went down after sex. This means that you are only sexually attracted to this person. You obsessed over every little thing in the beginning just so you could get laid. So, you did and now it seems over.


That seems like a highly simplistic answer with no merit whatsoever. I've never heard of somebody obsessing over a love interest only to get sex, and then move on. IMO, people that want to only get laid don't obsess, as obsession causes attachment, and you don't want that if you only want sex.

I disagree. You said you never heard of it. Well, now you have heard of it. If you want sex with a person other than a prostitute, you have to initiate a proper dating schedule. Obsession is an unhealthy attachment and is very common with aspergers.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 13 Aug 2017, 4:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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13 Aug 2017, 4:56 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
rdos wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
It not fair to the other person that your interest went down after sex. This means that you are only sexually attracted to this person. You obsessed over every little thing in the beginning just so you could get laid. So, you did and now it seems over.


That seems like a highly simplistic answer with no merit whatsoever. I've never heard of somebody obsessing over a love interest only to get sex, and then move on. IMO, people that want to only get laid don't obsess, as obsession causes attachment, and you don't want that if you only want sex.

I disagree. You said you never heard of it. Well, now you have heard of it. If you want sex with a person other than a prostitute, you have to initiate a proper dating schedule.


Yes, but I don't find sex an important part of a relationship, so I might be atypical. Which could be another clue in regards to the OP. He might have expected a lot more from sex than he got.

Besides, a proper dating schedule doesn't include obsessing. That is usually regarded as a bad habit in dating. :wink:



Last edited by rdos on 13 Aug 2017, 4:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

RightGalaxy
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13 Aug 2017, 4:58 am

rdos wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
rdos wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
It not fair to the other person that your interest went down after sex. This means that you are only sexually attracted to this person. You obsessed over every little thing in the beginning just so you could get laid. So, you did and now it seems over.


That seems like a highly simplistic answer with no merit whatsoever. I've never heard of somebody obsessing over a love interest only to get sex, and then move on. IMO, people that want to only get laid don't obsess, as obsession causes attachment, and you don't want that if you only want sex.

I disagree. Are you looking at this situation from the aspie point of view? :)


Yes, but I don't find sex an important part of a relationship, so I might be atypical. Which could be another clue in regards to the OP. He might have expected a lot more from sex than he got.


I also agree that sex isn't that important but I think the OP confused his urge with something more.



rdos
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13 Aug 2017, 5:02 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Obsession is an unhealthy attachment and is very common with aspergers..


Now it is my turn to disagree. Infatuation and obsession is the only way for an ND to build a healthy attachment. Dating doesn't build an attachment for NDs at all. :wink:



cato4797
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15 Aug 2017, 10:50 am

rdos wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Obsession is an unhealthy attachment and is very common with aspergers..


Now it is my turn to disagree. Infatuation and obsession is the only way for an ND to build a healthy attachment. Dating doesn't build an attachment for NDs at all. :wink:


Are you saying that you've always become obsessed over the people whom you've dated or been interested in? And that it turned out well?

My obsessing over things did the exact opposite for me ...



rdos
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15 Aug 2017, 12:31 pm

cato4797 wrote:
Are you saying that you've always become obsessed over the people whom you've dated or been interested in? And that it turned out well?


I only start obsessing when I know for sure there is a mutual interest, and yes, that always turned out well. Never dated them though, since obsessing and dating are incompatible ways to go about relationships.

cato4797 wrote:
My obsessing over things did the exact opposite for me ...


Maybe you ignored the requirement I always had about a mutual interest?