How to expect an apology

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Hi:
I am working on trying to forgive some family members who treated me like crap years ago when I lived three miles away and I am trying to reconcile along with setting some clear boundaries with them. Finally, I would like to demand an apology from them but I would like to know if that is valid.

Hmm, Can be a hard one. Demanding an apology that is... Every family and situation is different so what advice may work for one may not work for another. Best approach is a diplomatic none aggressive approach. As with human nature if one feels they are getting attacked for whatever reason they will likely create their own defense mechanisms and counter attack... Maybe open a dialogue, explain what effected you and how it has effected you long term..
In essence an apology should be freely given or it truly isnt a real apology.. If after conversation and no apology is given, then try not to feel more resentment. They may not understand the scope of the pain they have caused hence they may not feel they need to apologize or may have felt their actions were for a reason. It is a hard one to navigate. But diplomacy and a cool head will be the best and most productive outcome... If you go head on demanding and expecting an apology it will unfortunately likely backfire and make a bad situation worse...

I hope you can settle it in a way that relieves the long term stress from yourself and keeps all parties on a communicative and open ground.

I lived on my own in a city about three miles from them and had even gone to their place of worship during that entire year. Sadly, they wanted nothing to do with me because they held stigmas against most disorders and mental illnesses. Therefore, they thought autism was a mental illness and that I would always be this violent monster. They were so scared of me having a meltdown or a panic attack in front of their daughters that I was excluded period. They also acted like I was invisible when they saw me as well.

Years later, we have been sending each other holiday cards and I tried to correspond on a few occasions but they never seemed to respond period. So, that's why I am writing them.

Try, but don't try so hard it hurts... because that would be forcing yourself on them and not respecting their decision to hate you... they WILL love you eventually, whether in this life or another, but they may love you for respecting their right to hate you in this life. But yes, explain to them why you feel bad from their behavior if you feel you must, but don't force yourself on them.

I realize that I haven't told the full story. There was a time where they used to be friendly with me but that was before I turned 18. I used to be friends with one of their daughters who is 7 years younger than I am. We got together a lot growing up. Then my mother's began showing signs of mental illness and they started avoiding my entire immediate family like the plague. There was also a conflict that had developed between my aunt and my parents after my grandfather had died.

So when I moved to their area, all of this has been going on and I felt like I was their scapegoat.

My advice? Give up on an apology. After reading about your situation, and comparing to the striking similarities to mine, you'll find people who acted the way they treated us act terribly towards people who are different from them exacerbated by their inability to deal with their own problems.

Cut the off. Let them go. Trust me, you'll thank yourself for it.

People are afraid of what they don't understand. Expect them to be afraid, but don't expect an apology for fearing.

Lol, there is one other part that I don't understand. My cousin who is 7 years younger is into the goth look and is gay and they seem to accept her, no problem.

Normalcy is relative. Being gay might not be abnormal to them.