Socially moving way too SLOW to get anywhere

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As much as I've been working on my social skills, am aware of some of my flaws, got a little handle on anxiety, push myself to interact, etc, etc, i have a sinking realization that I will always be moving in "social slow motion", in that I will never be able to catch up with anyone else and am constantly "missing the boat".

I realize that I cling to my handful of long-time relationships that have been most successful, but those people don't desire the connection the way i do because they move so much faster with new people and develop new and exciting relationships. It seems that they still care about me, but only once in a while when it's the time and place. Mostly, they desire new people in their immediate world and are able to achieve the new pretty quickly. I am baffled by the notion, as much as i think i want to have it...

I can't form new stable connections with new people and as self-aware as I have become, I still don't even get why. With a lot of devoted energy and effort, I can usually make quick shallow acquaintances easily, and i know I am capable of making really good long term friends if given a lot of time and if the person is "just right", but how do you make "good" friends quickly?? Is it just a mindset? I have occasionally managed to become great friends with people pretty quickly in the past, but it seems like it's a fluke for me, while everyone else manages to go to a new school or job and in a few weeks, they are doing fun things with people and clearly not sitting at home missing their old friends (me).

I don't know how qualified to answer this I am, since I don't make friends all that quickly. But, I have found that each place I go -- each school or job or apartment -- I eventually make a few good friends there. I feel fortunate that a handful of these friendships have lasted many years. However, I don't have many friends that I see on a daily basis any more. My best friends have so far been people that I have just bumped into out of luck and happened to hit it off with. I guess I'd chalk it up to compatible personalities and interests. The way I make friends always seems to be related to common interests or experiences. I guess I've accepted that I'm a "see a good friend occasionally" kind of guy.

I can relate to you, Banana. I think one thing is that we just have to let people hate us and try our best but not too hard to make them come around, but trying too hard is forcing them, which they won't appreciate you for. Just tell them you're there for them. Then move on and wait for them but don't wait for them. But yeah, letting people hate us. We need to respect their decision if that is what they truly want in the end, and they will eventually love you, whether in this life or in another, for respecting their decision.

As for missing the boat, we should start a club for catching up together. Like a thread or something. Where we dare each other to do daring things, then report back to each other after doing them.

I've always considered that a friend would be a person the other has known well for some time... Maybe the word (friend) is still used for more recent, shallower acquaintances out of necessity (I used the word 'acquaintance' once to describe my ex's best friend and he basically exploded) but perhaps it seems people who struggle less making many new connections with others appear far more social than they really are, privately.
All one can do is take things at the pace nature has set for us. I feel much the same frustration, though. It's easy to slip into thoughts that life is passing you by, but this is simply dangerous, negative thinking that will never be entirely true unless one turns it into the self-fulfilling prophecy it's trying to be. One great, dependable friend is worth more than a hundred time-wasters, in my eyes.

I have the same problem. In fact I only have one true friend (another girl on the spectrum) all other friendships that I have attempted do not end up how I expected. I have watched many people become inseparable best friends with each other just meeting less than 6 months ago. Anyone I know for that long is still little more than an acquaintance no matter how I try to move anything further. They usually don't tell me things that they tell other people and don't invite me to do things and even when I invite them to things they are always 'busy'. My friend on the spectrum is the closest thing to a best friend I have. We have many of the same interests but I am a just a little higher on the spectrum than her but it works out fine. I think the only person you can get the desired connection with is someone who wants the same connection and I believe this doesn't always have to be a person on the spectrum. Keep searching and eventually you will find someone that moves at the same social pace as you.