I Sense that I Can't Hide the Fact that I'm Crazy

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It seems no matter what I do, I can't hide the fact that I'm crazy. Things I think of doing that I don't seem to be perceived as crazy are and I can't hide it. I feel so uncomfortable alone, like I want to get out of the house and do things and meet people and have friends. I feel so miserable. When I read a book or something, I can't focus because I feel so much anguish I feel like crying when I want to study. It is such a struggle, I want that love for learning back, I want a friendly positive attitude, I want to be more honest instead of lying to save face or have people have a better impression of me. It is so aggravating that I am having so much trouble figuring out how to be normal, I don't want to live with this anguish.

I'm trying not to hide the crazy anymore. It seems to me that people are more put off by my trying-to-act-normal-but-failing-me than they are by my yes-I-am-weird-deal-with-it-me.

It could be that when you try to act "normal," people think you are a psychopath, which is even worse than being weird.

Most people have to deal with weird relatives.

Its true; trying to act "normal" makes things worse. You're trying to be something you're not, and people will pick up on that.

Any weirdos around you? Might be better to try and find some misfits so you can be comfortable.

Hang in there; there are plenty of us out there.

I love this thread. This thought is at the edge of my mind every day!

Everybody thinks I'm nuts; what can you do? (shrug)

I'm sure people think I'm crazy. What normal person would think of writing the life story of a Russian born tennis player who competes for Uzbekistan? What normal person writes a fan letter to Denis Istomin and calls herself IstominFan on the Internet?

What normal person carries around a weird plastic squid everywhere? What normal person dreams of meeting Stampy and knows more about Stampy than most people? What is normal, again?

All of the above might be "abnormal"

But to call them "crazy," without "crazy" types of behavior, is "crazy" to me.

I agree, Kraftiekortie!

Such behavior is called "atypical," but "crazy" is something else altogether.

Haha ! It's almost like I have a fear of going crazy or something! (Irony/joke)

StampySquiddyFan,

That was a fear of mine when I was younger. I had nightmares about being in the hospital.

It's what my OCD centers around. It can get pretty disturbing at times! At least I am able to get through it. It's almost like diving under water and hardly ever coming up for air. When I do come up for air (finally find relief) it is the best feeling in the world. Too bad that hardly ever happens !

(((StampySquiddyFan)))

Thanks IstominFan!

Hugs back!