Date a Friend, Not a Stranger

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JaredGTALover
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15 Aug 2017, 11:51 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Or better yet, do you know what these "friends" flaws are and what their strengths are?

And no, you don't need "SOCIAL SKILLS". You need to go out in the world and talk to other people.


be interactive with them the way they would with you :D :D :D :D :D :D



ZachGoodwin
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15 Aug 2017, 3:53 pm

JaredGTALover wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Or better yet, do you know what these "friends" flaws are and what their strengths are?

And no, you don't need "SOCIAL SKILLS". You need to go out in the world and talk to other people.


be interactive with them the way they would with you :D :D :D :D :D :D


Exactly!



Canary
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19 Aug 2017, 8:42 pm

I think this only works if people are searching among their legitimate friends (people they approached for friendship, then later started to like). I've seen plenty of friendships blow up because people went in expecting that someday it would be more than just good company. But knowing someone beforehand gives you a better idea of their personality, flaws, strengths, values. It's easier to tell who you'd want to be closer to and be around more often.

The problem a lot of people face is that there's not a lot of opportunity for this. It's easy to meet either total strangers (online dating) or look to your close friends (if you have any, where there might not be any options), but there aren't a lot of places for semi-familiar people to go hang out. Like if it was more common and acceptable to have mixed-gender weekly book clubs and game clubs where people would go out for a little socializing and potentially see some new members, and they weren't a rarity outside of big cities.

Around here the meet ups are mostly for older business people, church types, or moms.



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19 Aug 2017, 9:59 pm

In my experiences young women who only see a young.male her age as just a friend are VERY set in their views.

There is ZERO attraction from her.end, never was and likely.never will be, the very idea of having sex with him may even repulse her.

Young men in my experiences tend to always be secretly attracted to a female friend physically, emotionally or both.

This hasn't just been me I'm talking about but every.male friend I've ever had.who was friends with a girl as well as other young males I didn't know to well but obviously fancied their female friend.

Very few heterosexual young men have zero attraction to a female friend and plenty who claim they don't are liars.

I'd say.probably 90% of young men would instantly say yes if his female friend asked him for sex while lying naked on his bed or asked him to be her boyfriend.

This is assuming they're both single of course.

For young women its the opposite and 90% only see him as a friend and are very set in this.

Also, young men tend to develop feelings for a female friend in only a year or two, sometimes even.just a couple of months and a crush will bloom when he only wanted to be her frend in the beginning.

Young.women, usually take 2-6 years+ to develop feelings, if she ever does at all.

I once read about this guy who had feelings for his best friend of 10 years.

He fell in love with her after 8 years and 2 years later she still hadn't come around.

10 YEARS.

I have a massive collection if study and research articles on my old computer that can back up everything I've been. Saying, I'll try to post them later.

Anyway, in my own experiences, I haven't had a single female friend in almost 2 years, I haven't even talked to a girl.my age in 2 years. I don't have a job and I'm.not studying at college so I have zero oppurtinity to meet any (don't f*cling suggest online to me! :evil: )

I have a male friend who lives hours away, and he doesnt know an girls either.

Sadly I'M the one who's Better at talking to girls and getting girlfriends so there's nothing I could Learn from him.

Every female friend I've ever had ive been secretly attracted to ad the feelings have NEVER been mutual. This has been true for 4 of my male friends

I can.not be just friends with any girls, never have.

Even if.I'm not attracted to her when we become friends, I always do develop feelings or become sexually attracted to her within months.

I avoid being friends with girls now, and only talk to one with the single goal of her being a potential romantic partner



kitesandtrainsandcats
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19 Aug 2017, 10:19 pm

In 'Date a Friend, Not a Stranger' where would one of your stranger friends fit in?


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Boxman108
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19 Aug 2017, 10:21 pm

Outrider - Women like to say men only want one thing...may not necessarily be false, but at least we are honest about who we want to hang around. Girls will string ugly "friends" along for the attention.


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JaredGTALover
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19 Aug 2017, 11:43 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:
JaredGTALover wrote:
ZachGoodwin wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Or better yet, do you know what these "friends" flaws are and what their strengths are?

And no, you don't need "SOCIAL SKILLS". You need to go out in the world and talk to other people.


be interactive with them the way they would with you :D :D :D :D :D :D


Exactly!


especially with girls of your own age that you may end up interesting,and opposite sex social encouters between AS Guys & NT Girls,teen or adult,they're just like “deals”:gone bad :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien:



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20 Aug 2017, 12:45 am

Outrider wrote:
In my experiences young women who only see a young.male her age as just a friend are VERY set in their views.

There is ZERO attraction from her.end, never was and likely.never will be, the very idea of having sex with him may even repulse her.

Young men in my experiences tend to always be secretly attracted to a female friend physically, emotionally or both.

This hasn't just been me I'm talking about but every.male friend I've ever had.who was friends with a girl as well as other young males I didn't know to well but obviously fancied their female friend.

Very few heterosexual young men have zero attraction to a female friend and plenty who claim they don't are liars.

I'd say.probably 90% of young men would instantly say yes if his female friend asked him for sex while lying naked on his bed or asked him to be her boyfriend.

This is assuming they're both single of course.

For young women its the opposite and 90% only see him as a friend and are very set in this.

Also, young men tend to develop feelings for a female friend in only a year or two, sometimes even.just a couple of months and a crush will bloom when he only wanted to be her frend in the beginning.

Young.women, usually take 2-6 years+ to develop feelings, if she ever does at all.

I once read about this guy who had feelings for his best friend of 10 years.

He fell in love with her after 8 years and 2 years later she still hadn't come around.

10 YEARS.

I have a massive collection if study and research articles on my old computer that can back up everything I've been. Saying, I'll try to post them later.

Anyway, in my own experiences, I haven't had a single female friend in almost 2 years, I haven't even talked to a girl.my age in 2 years. I don't have a job and I'm.not studying at college so I have zero oppurtinity to meet any (don't f*cling suggest online to me! :evil: )

I have a male friend who lives hours away, and he doesnt know an girls either.

Sadly I'M the one who's Better at talking to girls and getting girlfriends so there's nothing I could Learn from him.

Every female friend I've ever had ive been secretly attracted to ad the feelings have NEVER been mutual. This has been true for 4 of my male friends

I can.not be just friends with any girls, never have.

Even if.I'm not attracted to her when we become friends, I always do develop feelings or become sexually attracted to her within months.

I avoid being friends with girls now, and only talk to one with the single goal of her being a potential romantic partner


You know what else is fun? Being friends with a girl who actually would be open to dating you, only she already has a boyfriend. God damn it, lol.



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20 Aug 2017, 1:52 am

*Cue AngelRho chiming in with a complicated method to steal his girl to make her yours*



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20 Aug 2017, 2:03 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Outrider wrote:
In my experiences young women who only see a young.male her age as just a friend are VERY set in their views.

There is ZERO attraction from her.end, never was and likely.never will be, the very idea of having sex with him may even repulse her.

Young men in my experiences tend to always be secretly attracted to a female friend physically, emotionally or both.

This hasn't just been me I'm talking about but every.male friend I've ever had.who was friends with a girl as well as other young males I didn't know to well but obviously fancied their female friend.

Very few heterosexual young men have zero attraction to a female friend and plenty who claim they don't are liars.

I'd say.probably 90% of young men would instantly say yes if his female friend asked him for sex while lying naked on his bed or asked him to be her boyfriend.

This is assuming they're both single of course.

For young women its the opposite and 90% only see him as a friend and are very set in this.

Also, young men tend to develop feelings for a female friend in only a year or two, sometimes even.just a couple of months and a crush will bloom when he only wanted to be her frend in the beginning.

Young.women, usually take 2-6 years+ to develop feelings, if she ever does at all.

I once read about this guy who had feelings for his best friend of 10 years.

He fell in love with her after 8 years and 2 years later she still hadn't come around.

10 YEARS.

I have a massive collection if study and research articles on my old computer that can back up everything I've been. Saying, I'll try to post them later.

Anyway, in my own experiences, I haven't had a single female friend in almost 2 years, I haven't even talked to a girl.my age in 2 years. I don't have a job and I'm.not studying at college so I have zero oppurtinity to meet any (don't f*cling suggest online to me! :evil: )

I have a male friend who lives hours away, and he doesnt know an girls either.

Sadly I'M the one who's Better at talking to girls and getting girlfriends so there's nothing I could Learn from him.

Every female friend I've ever had ive been secretly attracted to ad the feelings have NEVER been mutual. This has been true for 4 of my male friends

I can.not be just friends with any girls, never have.

Even if.I'm not attracted to her when we become friends, I always do develop feelings or become sexually attracted to her within months.

I avoid being friends with girls now, and only talk to one with the single goal of her being a potential romantic partner


You know what else is fun? Being friends with a girl who actually would be open to dating you, only she already has a boyfriend. God damn it, lol.
.

Its worse when a girl cant be wth you even if she wants to rather than she never wanted at all.

One of only two girls in my whole life who had a crush on me The same time I did on her was kicked out, had to drop out of high school ad.move to the other side of the country to stay with family.

I contacted her again and she rejected me when i asked her out and we only became friends who talk online (we've lost touch).

Without a doubt she's the only girl I've met so similar and compatible with me. Basically opposite sex me with a few small differences. It surprised and freaked us out a little, in a good way.

I always wonder what could have been



Sabreclaw
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20 Aug 2017, 2:42 am

Outrider wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Outrider wrote:
In my experiences young women who only see a young.male her age as just a friend are VERY set in their views.

There is ZERO attraction from her.end, never was and likely.never will be, the very idea of having sex with him may even repulse her.

Young men in my experiences tend to always be secretly attracted to a female friend physically, emotionally or both.

This hasn't just been me I'm talking about but every.male friend I've ever had.who was friends with a girl as well as other young males I didn't know to well but obviously fancied their female friend.

Very few heterosexual young men have zero attraction to a female friend and plenty who claim they don't are liars.

I'd say.probably 90% of young men would instantly say yes if his female friend asked him for sex while lying naked on his bed or asked him to be her boyfriend.

This is assuming they're both single of course.

For young women its the opposite and 90% only see him as a friend and are very set in this.

Also, young men tend to develop feelings for a female friend in only a year or two, sometimes even.just a couple of months and a crush will bloom when he only wanted to be her frend in the beginning.

Young.women, usually take 2-6 years+ to develop feelings, if she ever does at all.

I once read about this guy who had feelings for his best friend of 10 years.

He fell in love with her after 8 years and 2 years later she still hadn't come around.

10 YEARS.

I have a massive collection if study and research articles on my old computer that can back up everything I've been. Saying, I'll try to post them later.

Anyway, in my own experiences, I haven't had a single female friend in almost 2 years, I haven't even talked to a girl.my age in 2 years. I don't have a job and I'm.not studying at college so I have zero oppurtinity to meet any (don't f*cling suggest online to me! :evil: )

I have a male friend who lives hours away, and he doesnt know an girls either.

Sadly I'M the one who's Better at talking to girls and getting girlfriends so there's nothing I could Learn from him.

Every female friend I've ever had ive been secretly attracted to ad the feelings have NEVER been mutual. This has been true for 4 of my male friends

I can.not be just friends with any girls, never have.

Even if.I'm not attracted to her when we become friends, I always do develop feelings or become sexually attracted to her within months.

I avoid being friends with girls now, and only talk to one with the single goal of her being a potential romantic partner


You know what else is fun? Being friends with a girl who actually would be open to dating you, only she already has a boyfriend. God damn it, lol.
.

Its worse when a girl cant be wth you even if she wants to rather than she never wanted at all.

One of only two girls in my whole life who had a crush on me The same time I did on her was kicked out, had to drop out of high school ad.move to the other side of the country to stay with family.

I contacted her again and she rejected me when i asked her out and we only became friends who talk online (we've lost touch).

Without a doubt she's the only girl I've met so similar and compatible with me. Basically opposite sex me with a few small differences. It surprised and freaked us out a little, in a good way.

I always wonder what could have been


It's infuriating isn't it? Being incompatible with the vast majority of women, and on the extremely rare occasion you find somebody potentially suitable there's always something else in the way. At least I can remain friends with this person, but I'll have to look elsewhere for something more.



ManaLDN
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20 Aug 2017, 5:05 am

sly279 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
That wouldn't have worked for me, beings I don't have friends/acquaintances that were dateable. But doesn't mean I had people pick some stranger for me to go out with....I used okcupid to find guys to date, and after some failed relationship attempts, met my boyfriend.

Basically you don't have to date a friend to decide for yourself. Also wouldn't have worked for me and my boyfriend to be 'friends' first because we were both into each other romantically when we met in person. We did however wait till a few dates before we had sex, I thought it was a better idea since some of the past guys I had sex with when meeting the first time just lost interest or where leading me on to begin with.


I wish some people would set me up on dates.

I couldn't have sex until least a month of talking daily with each other and having hung out in person few times. Atleast not without anxiety and regret after. Do most women expect sex within a few dates?

I feel as most women want to go faster than I do. I'm fine with texting for weeks before meeting up but I feel the women I messaged who didn't immediately reject me thought I was just stringing them along?


Interesting. I recently noticed, while browsing the forum, that, comparing to my community, people here are quite quick to have sex. I suppose it's about cultural differences. As far as I know, in mine (a migrant here) it's more acceptable to wait a few months and check if they match as partners. Asbfar as I noticed, for people my age it's between 6-12 months, for more mature adults it's a little less than that.

Questions from me now, since I've never been to or talked toanyone from the US: how common is it to meet a foreigner in the place you live, and are those communities integrated with each other, or maintain the cultural differences?

Also, I heard about the virginity rings. Not suggesting that you should wait till marriage, but if large numbers of people prefer to have that conservative attitude, then it shouldn't be that hard to eventually find someone who prefers to wait. Don't worry, it's natural and I believe many women would appreciate an interest in different aspects of them rather than focusing on their bodies.

If you are worried about what they think, you could ask directly or start a topic about what they think about such behaviour.