Date a Friend, Not a Stranger

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ZachGoodwin
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13 Aug 2017, 2:27 am

This is my new idea, why not decide for yourself who you may like? Instead of actually forcefully trying to get some random person that your acquaintances suggest was your type, but in reality he/she zero interest in you or who you are. It doesn't matter who you are, or what sexuality you are, random strangers picked out for you are not your type. Added, when you say no you are not interested, and your acquaintances feel threatened by everything you do, means your acquaintances were not really your friends to begin with, but really they were looking for a show. Yeah, that's right, you going with people who crowds of strangers suggest you have in common with, are probably doing it, because it's a show. Now tell me, those random acquaintances, are they really your friends? I'm going to also say that if someone out of the blue says I have a crush on you, or tells you directly that he/she is your boyfriend or girlfriend AT FIRST SIGHT, is complete BS. A relationship rushed like that in any circumstance is not going to give you a good friendship. Marriages and relationships fall apart quickly when it is with strangers.

Get in the friendzone, and stay in the friendzone, be a real friend, and maybe you'll be a real boyfriend/girlfriend. Or better yet, try to date someone who you are romantically happy with, instead of happy for one moment, and then fighting and carrying on for years in a forced relationship. Stop letting strangers tell you who to fall in love with; it's awkward, creepy, and embarrassing for you two. To me the "I have a good feeling about this relationship" is BS too. I've been watching several divorced parents in my lifetime say "I have a good feeling about this relationship", and no, it's not true.

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SilverBoltsisWmax
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13 Aug 2017, 3:34 am

This would work except women generally don't move guys in friend category to date one. Normally it's stuck friend or stuck guy I want/could date in temp zone for a bit before going to stuck friend.

I've talked to lots of women it's harder for them to shift gears with guys they think of purely as friends.



Sabreclaw
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13 Aug 2017, 3:44 am

SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
This would work except women generally don't move guys in friend category to date one. Normally it's stuck friend or stuck guy I want/could date in temp zone for a bit before going to stuck friend.

I've talked to lots of women it's harder for them to shift gears with guys they think of purely as friends.


If they're attracted to you they'll shift gears. If a somebody doesn't want to date you once they get to know you, you never had a chance of a happy relationship anyway.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Aug 2017, 3:49 am

People usually date new friends -
but a friend whom you know for years and years yet she never shown a romantic/sexual interest toward you (you will know, usually they are very obvious and not just sublte signs) then any attempt with her would be futile.

So it's kinda futile to make a move on old friends.



SilverBoltsisWmax
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13 Aug 2017, 4:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
People usually date new friends -
but a friend whom you know for years and years yet she never shown a romantic/sexual interest toward you (you will know, usually they are very obvious and not just sublte signs) then any attempt with her would be futile.

So it's kinda futile to make a move on old friends.


I can agree with this, one of my best friends is just like me in a s**t ton of ways, but for some reason she isn't attracted to me. Mostly it's just because of her own mental hang ups but it is what it is.



whatamievendoing
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13 Aug 2017, 5:26 am

I wouldn't be able to date anyone that wasn't my friend first and foremost anyway. Or close enough to resembling one.

Sucks to be me.


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hurtloam
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13 Aug 2017, 3:44 pm

Why not?

Put simply, because none of my friends are attracted to me.



sly279
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13 Aug 2017, 5:14 pm

Most people don't have opersite gender as friends.



Sweetleaf
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13 Aug 2017, 6:18 pm

That wouldn't have worked for me, beings I don't have friends/acquaintances that were dateable. But doesn't mean I had people pick some stranger for me to go out with....I used okcupid to find guys to date, and after some failed relationship attempts, met my boyfriend.

Basically you don't have to date a friend to decide for yourself. Also wouldn't have worked for me and my boyfriend to be 'friends' first because we were both into each other romantically when we met in person. We did however wait till a few dates before we had sex, I thought it was a better idea since some of the past guys I had sex with when meeting the first time just lost interest or where leading me on to begin with.


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sly279
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13 Aug 2017, 7:23 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
That wouldn't have worked for me, beings I don't have friends/acquaintances that were dateable. But doesn't mean I had people pick some stranger for me to go out with....I used okcupid to find guys to date, and after some failed relationship attempts, met my boyfriend.

Basically you don't have to date a friend to decide for yourself. Also wouldn't have worked for me and my boyfriend to be 'friends' first because we were both into each other romantically when we met in person. We did however wait till a few dates before we had sex, I thought it was a better idea since some of the past guys I had sex with when meeting the first time just lost interest or where leading me on to begin with.


I wish some people would set me up on dates.

I couldn't have sex until least a month of talking daily with each other and having hung out in person few times. Atleast not without anxiety and regret after. Do most women expect sex within a few dates?

I feel as most women want to go faster than I do. I'm fine with texting for weeks before meeting up but I feel the women I messaged who didn't immediately reject me thought I was just stringing them along?



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13 Aug 2017, 7:39 pm

Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


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ZachGoodwin
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13 Aug 2017, 7:43 pm

will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Or better yet, do you know what these "friends" flaws are and what their strengths are?

And no, you don't need "SOCIAL SKILLS". You need to go out in the world and talk to other people.



green0star
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15 Aug 2017, 10:23 am

For me stuff always starts off as a friendship. The only thing that sucks is if you end up breaking up because then you have to cut ties afterward. Its psychologically unhealthy to maintain a friendship with the ex in most cases.



hurtloam
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15 Aug 2017, 10:57 am

I am all for the date a friend idea. It's what if rather have happen than trawl through a load of dating profiles. It's how most of my friends and family met their partners.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2017, 11:34 am

will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Harsh but true.



JaredGTALover
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15 Aug 2017, 11:51 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
will@rd wrote:
Since when did autistic people with zero social skills have friends to begin with?

Just because there are people with whom you are acquainted socially, who may know your name, and walk past you and smile from time to time, does not mean you actually have friends.

Do you go places with these "friends"? Do they call you out of the blue, or drop by unannounced at least once a week? Do they remember your birthday? Know your favorite bands and movies?

You can't move out of the friend zone, when you're actually still in the "creepy geek in the corner" zone. It doesn't mean "I don't think of you like that," it means "I don't think of you...who are you, anyway?"


Or better yet, do you know what these "friends" flaws are and what their strengths are?

And no, you don't need "SOCIAL SKILLS". You need to go out in the world and talk to other people.


be interactive with them the way they would with you :D :D :D :D :D :D