I think everybody's unfollowed me on Facebook

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Well, lots of people have. I went out to a party with my boyfriend the other night, and I got all dressed up, and I took some pictures of me and my boyfriend and put them on Facebook - just like most people my age do. But I never got 1 like or comment, not even from my closest friends. But when I see other people's pictures of them having a blast at a party, they get a load of likes and comments - from people who are also my Facebook friends. It's actually pretty embarrassing, posting pictures and nobody even liking them. And I like THEIR pictures, before anybody says "oh maybe you don't show an interest in their posts". I DO show an interest. Not like a stalker, just like a genuine Facebook friend.

They still have me as friends but I must be unfollowed or something.

I know it's going to seem like pointless advice when one is already caught up in Facebook's social shenanigans, but I would try not to place a lot of importance on this kind of thing. I know that's easier said than done when you're already part of it.

But I feel that social media has created new types of pressure for people to experience, which is a horrible thing. While it has its uses, has brought long-lost people together, is a great way to keep in touch, etc, etc, social media has also created a lot of angst because of the "like" "follow" and unlike, unfollow culture.

As if real-world social interactions and unfriendings isn't bad enough, we now subject ourselves to internet angst too, about why someone didn't like or follow, etc.

I only have Twitter, and I wouldn't even have that if it hadn't been that I wanted to contribute to "Springwatch" and they don't even take normal e-mail, you have to Tweet them.

But now even I am caught up in why one picture I posted got 84 likes but the next one I thought was even better got nothing at all! I never thought I would get sucked into this stuff, but I'm sad to notice it does affect me.

It's insanity. It's healthier to take a step back and disengage a little bit. Try not to take it personally. Again, I know that's really hard when you already feel emotionally affected by it.

Thank you, that is rather helpful advice. But it's hard to not take it personally when others get loads of likes however interesting or stupid their posts may be. It makes me worry that nobody really likes me and only pretend to like me to my face. It hurts, because I ain't that bad. My social skills improve every year, I'm always nice to people, and I like people so I show an interest.

Facebook sucks.

As long as you know you are "liked" by your actual, in-person friends, what happens in Facebook should be considered irrelevant. I don't care if I'm "liked" or "unliked" by a bunch of strangers who should just get a life.

First of all, I'm here to tell you that the best friends in real life that I've had
placed very low priority on Facebook ... in most cases, we weren't even Facebook friends.
They were real people who would call me on the phone or we would get together in person.
And that was far more valuable than a Facebook like or comment.

Second of all, a few questions as to why people may have unfollowed you.
These are personal, so there's no need to answer on a public forum.

Do you post things that don't appeal to other people?
I have Facebook friends whom I like and are very nice,
but I've unfollowed for reasons like:

1) They post dozens of times a day, it's just too overwhelming to keep up with them.
2) They post only about a special interest and that's it, because I don't share the interest and they don't seem inclined to get to know me better.
3) They post words or images that are not "family friendly or work safe" ... please note that I don't mind the occasional swear word, I just don't enjoy seeing it all the time, or every single day, from someone.
4) One person posted all the time about beer, pizza, beer, football, beer, beer, and beer ... and then asked if I could donate money to an autism group ... funny thing is, she didn't seem to care about really interacting with me as a person, and I highly doubt she was aware I'm autistic.
5) They post nasty political or religious commentary all the time ... again, I don't mind discussing politics or religion in a courteous, civil manner, or once in a while ... but to have rude attacking remarks against politicians showing up everyday from these people is too much for me to handle ...
... exception ... I'm currently following some people that do put up a lot of nasty political posts, but they also put up lots of cute animal and bird videos, which I love ... * lol *

... anyways, bottom line, IMHO ...

Facebook can often feel like an immature, high-school popularity contest,
and that's just stupid.

Best to concentrate on real friends outside of Facebook.

I don't have special interests, and I don't post about the same thing.

I mostly post relatable memes, or jokey ones, but not loads every day, maybe about 8 a week, all spread about, but often less than that. That isn't enough to clog up everyone's newsfeed.

I am not a drama queen on Facebook.

I don't post many pictures of myself at all, and I don't keep posting updates about my love life, because I don't want to make single people feel lonely or envious. This was the first time in over a year that I have posted a few pictures of me and my boyfriend at a party, but I thought that would interest people. Apparently not.

I have unfollowed this girl with autism, because every day she posts all of her "on this day" memories, which are all about self-loathing and depression.

But I try to post fairly interesting things, things that aren't self-loathing or ridiculous. I know I shouldn't just focus on the numbers of likes and comments, but when you post something mainstream but socially interesting and don't even get 1 notification about it, it makes it obvious that you are unpopular and stupid.

Social media is not the real world.

Plus most people's social feeds are so saturated with hundreds of posts that most people only skim whatever is on the very top of their feeds. I would not take the lack of replies to your Facebook posts personally at all, as I seriously doubt there is any malicious intent behind it.

Now I need to start telling myself the exact same thing. Hehehe.

Facebook is a time waster.

I don't like Facebook. I prefer LinkedIn. It's much more professional.

Hi Joe90,

Please accept my apologies for not responding sooner to your post. Last night I attended a wake for a friend, and today I attended his funeral.

And even this fits in with our topic of discussion ... this person was not a Facebook friend of mine. Every so often he would e-mail me a simple invitation to a music party or New Year's Eve party, and that was it. If you wanted to be his friend, you would accept the invitation and see him in person at the party. I don't think he even had time for Facebook ... he had a full life. When he wasn't working, he was playing the violin, calling his family, or getting together with friends and family. He worked with computers all day long so when he was done working, he wanted to relate to people as a human being instead of just communicating online or using technological gadgets.

In any case, Joe90, you sound like a very reasonable person on Facebook to me, and I would probably enjoy having you for a Facebook friend if you're ever so inclined, and if you don't mind seeing my artwork ... because yes I will warn you upfront, I mostly post artwork and silly Star Trek posts and wear zany costumes, so you seem far more normal than I do. And I do enjoy the occasional humorous meme, especially if they're not political. (unless it agrees with my brand of politics, heh )

Getting back to the whole popularity thing, you know ... sometimes as autistic people we have a tendency to blame ourselves, when it's really other people who are rude. There are tons of narcissist types on Facebook, which is why many people call it "Fakebook". People will like and comment on their so-called "friends" posts ... but how real or genuine is all that? Maybe in some cases it's all an illusion, just for show, people liking each other's posts so they can each seem happier or more glamorous or more popular than they really are.

Anyways, when it comes to friends, I'll gladly take the non-glamorous ones with no Facebook account who go out to eat with me at a restaurant or call me on the phone over the glamorous ones with hundreds of Facebook friends who only prove their love by conveniently clicking a button but will put absolutely no more effort into the relationship.

I prefer friends who are still there even when the computer is turned off.

It's just that when a colleague posts a picture of a selfie, they get about 10 likes, but when I post a picture of a selfie, I get 0 likes. And no, you cannot ask people why they don't acknowledge you on Facebook because it'd just look weird and is not what you do.

A girl who I used to be friends with offline (before she moved away and had a baby) is one of my Facebook friends, and I do often like the pictures she posts of her baby, and sometimes I write a nice comment. And on her birthday I posted a happy birthday message to her timeline, but a month after her's it was my birthday and she didn't send any happy birthday messages to me at all, and she goes on Facebook a lot because she's always posting updates. Things like this get to me, especially when I see the same person liking and commenting on other people's posts. I just get confused.

It's just that it looks like you have no friends when you rarely get a like or a comment on your Facebook posts. Some people post some absolute crap and still get likes. Others post pictures of an outing or vacation and get strings of comments saying "lovely pictures xxxx" and all of that. But me, when I post pictures of myself and friends/family/partner on an outing or vacation, I get no likes or comments. It boggles the mind.

This is just me, but personally my impression of most social media of the Facebook kind is that they are a hornet's nest of problems that can be too easily stirred up.

And this is why it's not good to get too caught up emotionally in this stuff. It's not real and it's kind of setting up everyone to feel bad about stuff that is or is not happening on there.

Think about it: the format is mostly short, brief posts, pictures and video clips. Updates on all the positive things in someone's life, usually. There can be a feeling that this is "rubbing other people's nose" in things, or crowing about stuff. Others can be the person feeling that way.

There can be instant resentments about forgotten birthdays and posts that get 0 likes. It's hard not to get sucked into those feelings and reactions.

I only have a Twitter account, and like I said up-thread, even that was only opened because I wanted to participate in a BBC tv show's live program who only accepted Tweets as contributions -- which I thought was a bit pig-headed to start with. Why couldn't we just e-mail?

So I have this Twitter account and I now use only for specific stuff that doesn't get too personal or emotional. I don't even seek out people I know there personally. I think I have one Twitter friend who is an actual friend in real life, but everyone else is a stranger who ran across some of my general Tweets, usually animal-related.

There's this thing people join in posting fun things for on a certain day of the week. I had a few pictures that matched the theme, so I started joining in too. It was very gratifying to suddenly get tons of "likes" that I'd never had before!

I got a bit heady about that. One week, something I posted for this theme, that I thought would be really popular and go across fabulously, got no likes or responses at all. I was surprised to find myself feeling hurt and crestfallen!

And I realized wow, that's a bit unhealthy . . . .I shouldn't let a silly thing like this affect me, but it did.

The following week I didn't even take part in the theme. Strangely, my previous contribution started getting seen by people, and it turned out to be a big hit, just a week later.

I'm trying to tell myself to stop being so invested in this stuff, lol! It's crazy. This type of social media can be fun, informative, good for networking about causes and even good for long lost friends and family to find each other.

But there's a point where you have to not take things too personally.

It's odd, but just this week someone on a forum of a completely different site I use, posted a similar thing: she was upset that a friend of hers on Facebook took one of her comments the wrong way, forgot her birthday etc.

Then she added that this friend had also happened to have both her parents die and was at the same time going through a divorce!

While others were telling this person to kick that woman to the curb, I was trying to say woah, woah -- this friend happens to have a lot on her plate right now!

So, you never know what's going on. Sometimes someone failing to like your posts or follow or remember your birthday is not even personal but because they genuinely overlooked or have other things going on.

I don't think anyone really follows me on facebook to begin with....

It's sometimes hard to not take it personally, especially when someone on my Facebook has got 45 likes just for a selfie, which they post all the time. 45 likes!

Facebook is s**t though, its just a facade. I periodically have complete breaks from it. Also I unfollow anybody who makes me feel bad about my life; friends who became really successful, ex gfs who married etc etc