Just feeling depressed is all...
So I've posted things on here about how I want to party like an animal, and I still do. But I haven't gone to the gay club yet. I just feel kind of blue. I hooked up with a guy last night and he couldn't get it up, and this happens every time I'm with a guy. I also don't get erect, and it's probably because I'm not genuinely attracted to males, I merely enjoy the time we have together and the feeling of validation I receive from doing a good job.
My cousin who I hang out with very frequently is out of town, my other friends live out of the city and I don't drive. And those are the only people I hang out with.
I'm afraid to go to the gay club because if I do end up hooking up with someone and I don't get erect I'll be in another awkward situation. I recently tried marijuana again and it doesn't make me feel any better like it use to. Marijuana use to be a very useful tool for my depression but it's only caused me problems and makes me comatose ever since I've gotten out of the hospital.
I was on medication, and I'm still on an injection for schizophrenia, but I don't think more medication will help this problem. I don't know where the problem exists or if there even is a problem. I think the problem is that I don't have a big social network and I harp on things like not having more than five followers in total on all of my social media accounts, but it makes me feel even more depressed when I see people have at least 300+ followers and they're just like me. It also makes me confused.
I guess I'm just a very, very confused individual. Thanks for reading.
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