Does this make anyone else angry?

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Before reading further please understand that I have absolutely no problem with anyone with nonverbal autism and I, myself, have verbal autism. For the cynics on here, yes, I received a non-prompted official diagnosis.
What I have noticed, and am increasingly annoyed with, is the double standard that is placed on verbal Autistics. I am just speaking for myself here but feel free to post any of your own experiences with this.
One of the almost unavoidable accessories of an ASD is the autism meltdowns. I have a cousin who has nonverbal autism and when he has any kind of problem people are more than sympathetic enough to understand he can't control it. However when I have meltdowns (infrequent) it is deemed completely unacceptable and I get called names(ret*d and crazy for acting like that over something that 'simple'),people talk about me behind my back (I heard them myself), I get punished (because of course that will deter me from having more meltdowns in the future ), people treat me as an inferior for awhile, and they claim I am being childish and that people who are almost 17 don't act like that. Be aware that this isn't classmates and strangers, this is all my FAMILY'S behavior. My parents, my younger siblings, my Aunt/babysitter and her husband and kids, my aunt's mother-in-law, and my grandma. This is not the same aunt that is the mother of my nonverbal autistic cousin. My mother, who almost always advocates for my minor autistic behavior (picky eater, etc.) to my dad who believes everything is solved with punishment, even resorts to some name calling and lecturing me on being childish once the more difficult autistic behavior show up. I know that if I had never learned to speak then I would not be treated like this after a meltdown. If anyone else relates to this feel free to share your thoughts.
I apologize for my negativity

I want to ask you about your music LOL

I know what you mean about the "double-standard." It is assumed that non-verbal people don't have the cognition that verbal people have. That's not always the case.

There's a person on this Site who is virtually nonverbal. His name is Ezra. Trust me: he's not given a "free ride" here LOL

It's okay- I get what you mean. I don't think all nonverbal autistics are given a free ride, but whenever I have a meltdown or do something "weird", then everyone just assumes I'm being a brat. The same is true for my OCD as well.

Yes, it's frustrating. It makes me wish sometimes that I were nonverbal because I feel like everyone would be "easier" on me. I just turned 17 a couple of weeks ago and my dad does the same thing but I think it's because he can't handle the idea of me having certain issues. he'll say things like "well you're not a moron so you can't really have xyz problem" and I try explain that my issues have nothing to do with my intelligence but oh well. I don't think it's always a double standard though, it depends on the nonverbal person's abilities.

It's just our luck that we are "smart" in some things and "stupid" in others.

I wouldn't be able to listen to the music here at my job. But I'll listen when I get home.

I totally understand and feel the same way. While there are benefits of being high functioning, we get to make our own choices and have our freedom and the LFA don't have that privladges. They need caregivers or guardians and won't ever have freedom of an adult but yet if you are too high functioning, you are expected to figure it out and expected to control your behavior and to stop it. My mom called me crazy last week because my son was whining and I was getting overwhelmed and my mom was blaming my feelings on me and then was cursing at me and yelling and that made it worse for me. I felt like banging my head and screaming but instead I covered my ears and did something else and my mom showed disgust but yet I bet if I had grabbed her or shoved her or tossed something, she still would have been mad. I just can't win and then I hear her tell my son he made me go crazy with his whining and to apologize. My mom used to get mad at me for my anxiety all the time as a teen and it always made it worse and then I would have behavior. She was under the impression I can stop it. I can only stop it when I am calm and not anxious. I hope that us what she meant by I can stop it. Like a fire can stop burning if you add water to it and quit adding wood or paper but you can't expect it to stop if you keep adding fuel or wood or anything burnable to it. Same with my anxiety.

Being judged as not needing some accommodation because I'm verbal does really irritate me. I was in a hospital program for kids with developmental challenges up until the age of four when I started speaking and was pulled from the very helpful program. Then instead of the help I had been receiving I was rigidly controlled and shut down. I was sent to public school in kindergarten and beyond and never much connected with the other children. I learned I needed to isolate to protect myself and to pretend I was NT and had no special needs or sensitivities. I still do this a lot. I bitterly regretted ever speaking because that's when I was withdrawn from the special program and it seemed that it was the beginning of a big false act. I speak relatively normally, but it's hard to think of myself as 'verbal' because I'm mostly verbal on the outside - on the inside my mental processes proceed with patterns and images rather than words. It's often a relief to just let the words stop in my head and find I can still think just fine.

Most people are like that with me about my anxieties. I don't think I think differently from others in every way, but I know that I do find some things really daunting what most other people may not. And just because I am verbal, high-functioning and openly expressive, people think that I can control my anxieties. But a more severe person on the spectrum, like someone who stims a lot and can't openly express themselves, will get given more leeway and expected to be really anxious.

i am not sure what to make of this. I have often wished I could not speak, I have got myself into trouble so many times annoyed so many people and spent so many years hating myself because I have been blunt or rude. That said I present as NT unless you know me (I have had 54 years to practice) but feel I have quite enough problems and difficulties with people and events to be going on with without adding any more. I am very uncomfortable around people, even at the astronomy club (which I don't go to anymore, I was like a fish out of water)


If you mean that because do you find it frustrating sometimes thats you are not taken seriously and are compared to people with classic autism or very obviously aspie then yes, its annoying. But I don't want to have a learning disability as a co-occuring condition.