She says her parents won't let her date me

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While the outcome of my rescue complex wasn't this bad, the driving motives were awfully similar.

I remember how I was with my first girlfriend (in college). When I first met her in my class, she told me she came from across the country to study, and didn't know anyone at school. And she showed romantic interest in me . So stupid me wanted to be a knight in a shining armor who alleviates her loneliness. Especially considering that I myself moved across the country 8 years prior, so I felt I could understand her situation very well. What I overlooked is that the motives for moving were as different as night and day. I was pretty much forced to move by my family; she chose to come because she picked that college. Later, my rescue complex bit me in the butt, as I rightfully deserved: she one of the most introverted girls I ever met, even to this day! Instead of wanting to explore the city together, she just wanted to hang out on campus, like in the student union or in the courtyard. Any semblance of a relationship there was fell apart a few months later.

She's 21 years old and her parents don't allow her to date??? That sounds a little fishy ... My parents are strict and always have been but even I had a boyfriend when I was 17 o-o They just don't approve of my current boyfriend and my dad told him that he didn't want him seeing me anymore a few months ago but I didn't meet him online or anything.

Gosh, guys, you sure convinced me! If I like someone who has a bad situation, I should definitely walk away. Otherwise, a bunch of prattlers on the internet will give me an ironic label.

That's good that you learned your lesson. It would be pretty scary if random people went around trying to tear people's family's apart because one overdramatic girl was putting on a Cinderella act. Face it you're a white knight. You haven't even considered the implications doing that might have on both yourself the girl and her family. You just see a damsel in distress and you get off on the idea of being the hero that rescues poor helpless women.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Some people need to be rescued. It only depends on the circumstances.

Like I said before, there's no going back if you take that step. It's cruel to cut someone loose who is insane or can't care for themselves after you freed them from a situation in which they got the care they needed. If you know you can get them out but can't get them the help they need, make sure you have a plan and connect with someone who CAN help them.

The girl I mentioned--once I got her away from her bf, her friends and I worked things out so that she was never out of our sight. This stopped her from going back to him, which she'd done before, and it kept him at a distance so he couldn't manipulate her anymore.

Parents/families are somewhat more monolithic. Religious cults, too. As long as you can redirect her to a solid support system, no worries. It's near impossible to do those kinds of interventions on your own.

And as has already been mentioned, always carefully consider the cost to her.

This sounds eerily similar to a quote in "Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." An animal shelter I once volunteered at had this quote posted by the front desk. Now, I realize "tamed" isn't the best word when describing relationships. Something like "adopted" would be better. Perhaps English doesn't have a good equivalent for the word in the original langague (French).

Either way, "taming" or "adopting" still smacks of a white knight complex. You're adding a burden to yourself disproportionate to the benefit derived from it. I used to suffer from such complex. Today, I prefer to think of it in a more Red Pill way: "admitting her into your reality"; on your terms, in your best interests. Similar to how 19th-century America was admitting new states into the Union (and also readmitting Confederate states that once seceded).

Conversely, she can reach out to you first, thus "requesting admission". Which is essentially what my friend (female) did a year ago. Due to how she presented herself, I ended up welcoming her with open arms (pun intended; she gives really nice hugs). I never regretted my decision.

This brings me to a thought. One thing where many aspies fall short, is vetting a new person in their lives. Due to poor social skills, attention from someone, romantic or friendly, can feel like getting a jackpot. But oftentimes, such attention is given for the wrong reasons. Hence, vetting is a must.

A lot of opinions in this thread seem to deprive everyone of agency. You objectify this woman, and in some cases women in general.

Then, those same people attempt to mischaracterize my view that sometimes people want and need assistance, and I might assist them, as a stupid formulaic reaction on my part with no regard for the complexities of real life.

Having dismissed the idea of women having agency, you also dismiss the agency of anyone who disagrees with you

You seem to want to think of women as "having agency" ie being strong and independent while at the same time being helpless victims who need you to "rescue" them. All you know about this girl is from what Ive told you and here you are ready to don your shining armor leap upon your horse and "rescue" her aka tear her away from her family because of something overdramatic she said to somebody else.

The white knight thing doesn't offend me. At all. I think it's a pity more guys aren't white knights. I only have two concerns: does she really need to be rescued in the first place? Is a man sufficiently equipped to both do the rescuing and adequately follow through afterwards? If she's worse off "free," she's better left alone.

There is a difference between helping women and being a white knight. White knighting is born from a man's desire to be a hero because it strokes his own ego.

This is an excellent question to ask! Perhaps one of the few things we actually agree on. I should have asked myself that question with my first girlfriend. The one who moved across the country to study at my college. I thought I'd be this knight in a shining armor, who rescues her from not knowing anybody and shows her around my city. When in reality, she was so introverted, she probably didn't even want a boyfriend in the first place, and found my company a mildly pleasant diversion at best. I, by contrast, invested my heart and soul into that relationship. That experience, her being my first girlfriend and all, colored my view of relationships to this day.

Agreed! White knighting also stems from a misguided belief that it's how you gain a lady's affections. Which comes from the mass media, 99.9% of which is overwhelmingly Blue Pill. Just consider the Super Mario Bros: Mario rescues Princess Peach from Bowser's castle, and they stand next to each other like a couple, before game credits roll. Thus, the media keeps pushing false beliefs onto the ignorant populace, that being a white knight and/or a Nice Guy(TM) is the right thing to do. It's not!

The movie "Lucas" is an excellent exception to the Blue Pill propaganda, and should be a required viewing in high school sex ed. In the movie, Lucas and Maggie reconcile as friends, but even after all he does, she does not "see him in a new light" and they do not start dating.

Bottom line, a full grown adult women aged 18 years or older, is fully responsible for her own situation. To think otherwise is to treat them like children and plays into gynocentrism that is already rampant enough as it is.

But even in the game, we have never seen Mario and Peach kissing.

There are rumors that Peach is into Bowser, and the whole repetitive kidnaps is nothing but a politically correct trick in the mushroom kingdom so they can keep seeing each other and doing balls deep.



Best HS movie ever; actually, it's the only good HS movie ever.

*Spoiler alert*

That's the best scene in the movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLWD8X-1DjE

What world do you live in where "help a person I like" becomes "tear a family apart." I can only assume that you believe this nonsense about me based on nothing I've written because of some bizarre shared fantasy world you occupy. There is no reason based on what you've posted to assume that this woman is fundamentally damaged and destined to ruin your life, but a lot of people in this thread see that as a foregone conclusion. I object to your mass delusion, so you accuse me of having an equally bizarre delusion? I feel sure that you are the ones who lack a diverse experience of life, failing to notice most of what you observe in favor of your preconceptions. Have fun with that.

ETA: I get it now. This thread is just your way of moaning and venting about your situation. It stinks. However, if you have to denigrate groups of people in order to get your griping done, you will get pushback.

You don't like her though. You've never met her. You've never even talked to her.

Nah...Jones is right, too. Ease up. You can't assume one way OR the other. I'm not going to keep repeating myself, but if the family situation is really messed up, then you follow your conscience and intervene if you feel you can.

Kinda like how I tell my kids to be careful what they say around strangers, or even people they feel they can trust. One little misunderstanding and DHS will take you out of your home, split you up from your sibs, and place you in homes where the older kids sexually assault you. And I know this to be true, not just like the stories mom used to tell just to scare me into compliance when I used to threaten stuff. What happened was someone with a grudge started making false reports on us, so I do what I always do and obsess about it until I learned all I could.

Which brings me to my point: there's a time and place for everything. If you can imagine a situation in which the risk of sexual abuse and other horrible things are actually a step UP from where someone is, by all means get involved. Getting in between someone and her parents is heavy duty stuff.

If she really hates her parents, that's different. But parents normally have such sway over their kids that if you take her away and control her life, she'll resent you for it. Then you have to deal with parents weaseling their way in and controlling her at a distance. They meddle. And they'll make your lives miserable until they win. Unless you can run away and put 1,500 miles between her and the fam, you will have problems. You wanna be a white knight, you better think this stuff through all the way to the end.

And you can read everything else I wrote if you're interested in my opinion, but I'm pretty much done here.

Changing the subject slightly, whether you are really helping or being a Quixotic white knight, most every motivation has some ego-stroking intention behind it.