I'm feeling very defeatist about relationships right now.

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It just feels like nobody has any respect and it's not worth my time to bother trying to find understanding and intimacy in other people. I gave up on having a boyfriend or girlfriend (pretending that girls would even consider dating me) after my best relationship ended and then I had one with an abusive narcissist. Then I thought maybe having a friends-with-benefits style arrangement with someone who seems to like my personality might work, but there is a certain lack of communication that seems to be pulling it apart and I'm tired of him always assuming negative things about my intentions and our interactions. We had our first fight today, if you could even call it that since I just walked out of there at the critical moment when my old self would have been tempted to engage in verbal sparring. But the problems that lead up to it weren't new. The easy thing would be to give up altogether, but I don't know if that path would bring me any more happiness. I would like to be able to find someone with whom I achieve emotional intimacy and mutual love and respect, but my romantic and sexual experiences have taught me that it's very difficult to achieve satisfaction in either, and I'm starting to feel discouraged about whether it's realistic or worth the high cost of effort.

You just had your first fight.

I always feel like this even after my thousandth fight.

I would bet, in a couple of days, that this will all blow over.

I hope you two are able to make up.

If you're afraid of repeating failed relationships, understanding what exactly went wrong in the bad relationships and recognizing early signs of abusive tendencies can help you get out before things get too bad. A good therapist should be able to help you work through those; there are also some good books on recognizing and overcoming abuse. I'm recovering from abuse as well :/