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Xlandril
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15 Aug 2017, 10:45 am

Normally, I would not be interested in trying to find a girlfriend, but I'm 30 now and think it might be a good idea to give it a try (all the cool kids are doing it~!)

How do I actually go about this? I mean, I don't like going outside (there are 'people' out there), I don't like talking to strangers (people), and also I dislike people in general.

I don't see how I can meet a nice human female without venturing from my stagnant domain. :oops:

Pls, halp ._. wat do?



kraftiekortie
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15 Aug 2017, 7:25 pm

It would be easier, truthfully, if you liked people better.

A relationship between two people who both don't like people tends to be rather stormy.



hale_bopp
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06 Oct 2017, 9:06 pm

Maybe you aren’t suited to relationships. Don’t feel pressured to do it because everyone else does.



Michael829
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07 Oct 2017, 2:53 pm

OP:

There's an easy way to meet someone, which doesn't require any ordinary general social interaction: Online introduction services. That's how I met my girlfriend, though I'm not a "people person" at all, and have no use for social contact or interaction.

We've, so far, been together 7 years.

Of course the fact that someone doesn't care for people in general needn't mean that they wouldn't care for their girlfriend.

Michael829



CanadianRose
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10 Oct 2017, 9:45 pm

"Normally, I would not be interested in trying to find a girlfriend, but I'm 30 now and think it might be a good idea to give it a try (all the cool kids are doing it~!)

How do I actually go about this? I mean, I don't like going outside (there are 'people' out there), I don't like talking to strangers (people), and also I dislike people in general.

I don't see how I can meet a nice human female without venturing from my stagnant domain. :oops:

Pls, halp ._. wat do?"

Hi. Canadianrose here (you can call me "Rose")

I'm an older, married woman. Don't dismiss me to quickly. I had trouble with the dating scene too. :)

So, you want some companionship with someone of the opposite gender (maybe some cuddles, a little sex, sometime to enjoy things with - all good).

Here's the thing. What do you have to offer? You say you don't like going outside, talking to stranger or people in general. Nothing wrong with all that - although it makes your goal a little more challenging to achieve.

What DO you like? Movies? Plays? Museams? Go carting? Antiques? Woodworking? What are your hobbies and interests?

Are you hygienic. Shower regularly? Clean clothes in good repair. Hair/beard trimmed? You don't have to be a handsome adonis - but taking good care of yourself shows self respect and makes you a more attractive potential partner.

Do you listen well? Remember - it is a relationship that you are looking for. This means getting to know someone and their interests, ways of seeing the world and such.

Soooo....

You have gone over your general appearance. Clean and groomed - great.

You have thought about your own general interests - how a new woman in your life enjoy your company and shared interests.

You have practiced the gentle art of give and take in conversation and will listen to a new woman and be interested in her.

Okie dokie.

Now where to find this wonderful gal.

On line is a good bet. Use Match.com or another site. Be honest - post a decent, recent picture of yourself. Share some of your wonderful interests. Mention what you are looking for (long term relationship, casual hook up or whatever it is you're looking for. Keep your search local (i.e. in your own city or county or area where it is reasonable to travel to meet up).

When looking for a potential partner - be realistic. You want the woman to be accepting of you - you need to be accepting of her. If you are an average looking person - don't dismiss an average looking woman. I say this because many otherwise good men fall into the trap that any potential girlfriend has to be very beautiful (as in model like pretty). There are many "normal" looking woman who are interesting, fun and sexy. Again, be realistic.

As much as you hate speaking to strangers - contact lots of women on these sites. Use the on-line texting thing for a while (no more than two weeks) - after that - meet up to ensure that they aren't a "bot" or someone just playing games. Also, make sure that there is a little chemistry. If there is no chemistry or you find yourself not interested in pursuing a woman further, use this phrase to end it: "I have enjoyed talking to you and see that you are a good person. I just don't feel that special spark. I wish you the best, and know that you will find exactly what you are looking for." I am not the author of this phrase - I heard it from someone else. I just think that it is a nice, polite way of dis-engaging without 1) hurting someone's feelings and 2) making you look like a jerk. It is a positive, polite way of declining further involvement.

In the meantime, take it slow - see how you interact with the various women. You may not get into a relationship right away - but you will have opportunity to hone your conversation skills and have a chance to mutually enjoy activities.

I hope that this helps a bit.

I am mildly autistic and I met my husband this way.

Best wishes in your search :)



sly279
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11 Oct 2017, 12:18 am

Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(



hale_bopp
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11 Oct 2017, 11:34 pm

sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(


Do they, I’ve never met any women who say that.



DW_a_mom
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11 Oct 2017, 11:54 pm

sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(


This should be obvious but if you throw together any two random people who say they want companionship odds aren't good you will have a match. They have to have something in common, some way to connect. So the question really is, what is it about you that someone is likely to connect to?

When asked, the question isn't meant to be about a business transaction. It is meant to gain some insight into who you are and who is likely to be attracted to you.

I realize this is sensitive for you because you've been down on yourself and don't see yourself as offering much, but everyone has traits that someone somewhere will be able to connect to and value. That is what you have to offer.


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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2017, 12:25 am

sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(

If you're only looking for companionship, every other guy in the world could potentially offer that to a woman.
Why should she choose you?


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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2017, 12:27 am

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't go out and buy the first car you saw, sly.
You'd want to know what was under the hood, wouldn't you?


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12 Oct 2017, 1:50 am

Most people don't date because the other person has a lot to "offer", they do so because they feel a connection; they're attractive physically and mentally. What's attractive depends on the person, though being fit, wealthy and having mainstream interests certainly helps.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Oct 2017, 1:59 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Most people don't date because the other person has a lot to "offer", they do so because they feel a connection; they're attractive physically and mentally. What's attractive depends on the person, though being fit, wealthy and having mainstream interests certainly helps.


That what your male brain thinks.



sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 2:03 am

hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(


Do they, I’ve never met any women who say that.

Scroll up and read.
And it’s asked a lot by certain women here to aspie men who are lonely.



sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 2:09 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(


This should be obvious but if you throw together any two random people who say they want companionship odds aren't good you will have a match. They have to have something in common, some way to connect. So the question really is, what is it about you that someone is likely to connect to?

When asked, the question isn't meant to be about a business transaction. It is meant to gain some insight into who you are and who is likely to be attracted to you.

I realize this is sensitive for you because you've been down on yourself and don't see yourself as offering much, but everyone has traits that someone somewhere will be able to connect to and value. That is what you have to offer.


It’s usually followed by do you cook what skills do you have what work do you do. The idea is simple what beyond your personality and interests do you offer? So how else would you see it? It’s about what a man brings to a relationship practically. It’s used to belittle and shame lonely aspie men for wanting a relationship, they worthless how dare they want love. Katykay troll asked it all the time. What do women bring to a relationship? It’s never asked that’s usually why it’s asked along with what’s your hobbies or interests. One is about interest and personthe other is about what skills or income you offer over another guy. Knowing most aspies don’t offer much practical.

I don’t have much income, I don’t have much skills. I’ve tried but I suck at most stuff. So no playing a instrument for them or fixing their car or repairing their house, I don’t offer much besides loyal companionship.



sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 2:10 am

Raleigh wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Why do women always ask guys what they have to offer? Why is relationship a business exchange to women. I want companionship and offer the same I’m not going trad some skill I have for sex with a woman. Which is what comes to mind with “what do you have to offer” are men no different then cars to most women ? An object to be looked over and evaluated :(

If you're only looking for companionship, every other guy in the world could potentially offer that to a woman.
Why should she choose you?

Not really a lot of guys don’t want companionship they just want sex.