Does my past define my future?

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My past is practically empty when it comes to relationships. I've only had one real relationship and it was short lived (I was 21 when it happened).
Other than that, I've been rejected and ignored while others dated and many I used to know are either married or have children.

I fear that no matter what I do, my past will continue to define my life and my future will just be an agonizing walk to my death. I've really tried to get out of my rut but I only get dead ends, disappointments, and discouragement. My therapist tells me to accept the moment but my mind finds it to be a hard pill to swallow. I fear accepting the moment will mean all chances for a relationship will be over and the people who bullied me were right all along.

a future without a partner is not an agonizing walk to my death. there are many of us older people who never been in a relationship, and some of us already know we will never be in a relationship. some never even "try" anymore and are okay with that. we still can make the best of our lives to live happily.

I am not fine with it because I hate being alone. A week can feel like a month to me due to how I perceive time and because my social interactions are almost nonexistent, it especially feels painful

I've decided, one way or another, that I'm in the last romantic relationship of my life. I'm good with that. I doubt she'll leave me, but if she does, she does. If not, either I'll die or she will. One way or another, our relationship will end. Not sure how it works in the afterlife, but no point in worrying about it. I'll wait for her if I go first and I'm allowed to.

But breakup or death--doesn't matter. It WILL end. If I'm still around, I'm not trying again. My life has already been fulfilled in that area and I have nothing left to work for.

Although I do look forward to watching my (yet unborn) grandchildren grow up. That'll be cool!

btw, that obsession over what bullies used think of you is not healthy.

i feel like you want to be in a relationship mainly to prove to a couple of guys that "they were wrong" more than anything else.

if someone tried to bully me because i have never been in a relationship, i would simply tell them:
"yes exactly i am single because i can't get any because women are not attracted to me calm your ass down."

i wouldn't try to justify or argue with such people.

It's not the primary reason. I really want to believe I can overcome my past but what I've had to go through discourages me.

i know what you mean. i can relate.

I really f*****g hate it. It's like other guys have the freedom of choice while I am told I am unfit.

Your past won't condemn your future.
Over time you get experience or gain foresight.

If you reduce your purpose in life to 1 goal you're very unlikely to be happy even if you achieve it.

Your past is your past.

You can learn from your past, no matter how bad it was.

Your past doesn't have to determine your future. I haven't let it determine mine.

I don't feel like I've gained any experience or foresight. I still feel as lost as I was when I was 17. I should've put a gun to my head and splattered my brains against the wall like I imagined myself doing.

But didn't you date in your developmental years? I didn't. I was cut off from the social scene and even as an adult it feels like a club that my invitation to got lost in the mail.

But I don't think that fact deserves having your brains blown out. I really don't.

You're a viable person who writes well, and has good ideas.

I dated----but I was still rejected by many girls because I was short and awkward and immature.

No, Mister! No brain slushies here plz!

Everyone develops differently. I didn't really have any epiphanies on life until a decade after my adulthood began.
I've had to undergo years of failed relationships before I could understand what it was I wanted out of them.
I'm going to tell you now if all you're focused on is "getting the girl" you aren't gonna be happy and you'll be more miserable than you already are whether you succeed or not. Find comfort in something else besides your hormones for now and when you get into a relationship you'll see what I mean.

But can you understand why I feel so frustrated and discouraged?

Thank you but I wish women would notice me instead of the guy who doesn't write and wants to grab her by the head.

One guy who was shorter than me got most of the attention at the private school I went to. My height did no favors for me.

I've failed at other areas in my life as well. I wonder if it's even possible to start again?