Diagnosis: Not on the spectrum, family not buying it.

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I was tested last month, and recently saw the doctor about my test results. The testing included sort of an interview about what my goals were in regards to the testing as well as the actual series of tests.

My conversation with the doctor covered that, and in his assessment, I'm probably not on the spectrum, but definitely dealing with ADHD, depression, anxiety issues, and bipolar disorder. I wasn't suprised about those since I had been diagnosed years ago but went untreated for a long time.

He's not dismissing Asperger's, but rather leaving the possibility open for future testing for that once I get treatment for the other conditions, to see if the more Asperger specific things are still going on. Personally, I'm fine with this- deal with the more tangible things first in the short term. Just having those things under control will still be a big step forward with some near-term things I want to pursue, as well as just being able to feel better. I had been looking at Asperger's as a possibility rather than the "last word" on what I've dealing with over the years, so my goal always has been to have a diagnosis for something and go forward from there in terms of treatment and learning how to better deal with it. I can accept being on the spectrum if indeed I actually am, and I can handle it if it takes a while to figure it out, while in the meantime, I can still move forward with getting other things done.

However, my parents are upset that I might not be on the spectrum- it turns out they've totally "accepted" that I might be an aspie, to the point of being really upset that I might ultimately "only" have the other conditions. They've done the same research I've done, only they've fixated on the more extreme and more negative aspects and stereotypes and attempt to force things to fit my situation. I get their concern and their honest interest in trying to help, but they've done this too many times before- take a health situation and fixate on what I "should" have based on what's acceptable, or else focus on what limitations, restrictions, and "rules" a particular condition entails. There's always been sort of a low-level "conflict" between them and myself over the health issues I've had over the years and their perceptions vs. how I actually deal with them, and a large part of it is over their tendency to accept things by "cherry picking" what aspects of a condition fits their thinking and excluding things that don't. Not denial as much as simply not being able to totally accept that one can have a health problem or disability and still do things their way without being forced to "be" limited or to arbitrarily follow someone else's rules.

In regards to being on the spectrum vs. the other conditions, it comes down to them fixating on the usual stereotypes and trying way too hard to force things about me to fit, and acting suprised that I'm not going along with it. I got into a heated discussion with my father about it recently and very bluntly told him that yes, Asperger's is real, but I have a real problem with the way it gets bandied about at times to malign people who have nerdy interests or making one's special interests the condition itself, as if one will be "cured" if they just give up their favorite things or find some boring thing someone else approves of. What I think they have a problem with is that with the other conditions, they can't meddle with my dealing with it the way they seem to think Asperger's would allow them to- they see Asperger's as an opportunity to finally get me to accept someone else's rules and restrictions, apparently having not read about the Aspies who are very independent. Plus they see it as being more socially acceptable than something like depression or bipolar disorder. They take anything I do they think is slightly "off" or weird and try to make that be a sure-fire sign of being on the spectrum, while at the same time dismiss the things that are obviously part of ADHD or being bipolar. What they know about bipolar disorder is based on being around people who have it but don't take their meds, or what they've read about the very worst situations some people are in, not getting it that my problems with bursts of energy followed by stagnation are a milder version of it.

I'm not in denial or doubting, and if I am on the spectrum after all, I'll still deal with it my way, without being expected to "be" a stereotype or fit my situation to someone else's narrative. A lot of what I've read here, and what I've learning talking with people at the Aspie support group is still very helpful info. I just resent feeling pressured to "have" one condition or another based on social attitudes rather than a real medical basis for it. That's the reason I keep my family away from my medical situation- the concern is real, but I can't deal with the drama.

So at this point, I'm still going ahead with my plans (writing projects, looking for a job after I get treatment going) without feeling obligated to "be" what someone else expects. Getting the other things treated in the near term will still help long term in figuring out if I'm on the spectrum or not.

Whatever you have--whether you're on the Spectrum or not--it's most important that you feel happy, and that you are doing the best you can with what you've been "given."

What I'm saying is: Try to make yourself content, and try not to dwell upon what you've been diagnosed with.

You are a person, first and foremost. You are not the definition of whatever "disorder" you happen to have.

Your parents seem to want to "make sense" out of your "unusualness." My mother is the same way. She used to deny, point blank, that I am autistic (even though I didn't talk until I was 5, and I did other "stereotypically autistic things"). Nowadays, she's content with saying that I have "a touch of Aspergers."

I agree that Asperger's is bandied about too casually.

It sounds like the real problem is the control issues you have with your family.

I fixed that problem by getting a job and moving really far away.

This is the opposite of what usually happens, where someone receives an ASD diagnosis but their family and friends don't buy that they ARE on the spectrum, lol!

Be glad that they aren't trying to tell you don't have autism spectrum disorder; I think that presents much worse difficulties for many people: disbelief in their diagnosis of autism.

Just ignore your family's insistence that you do have it; I'm not really seeing how that is harmful. It may be annoying but it's not as damaging an experience as the opposite case. It's far more harmful in terms of emotional harm and lack of support, when you are in fact on the spectrum but everyone is telling you they don't believe it.